Posts by Bigdummy

19

May 2019 Broadcast

by BourneIdentity in

i know i already created a post about this a week or so ago, but i have a little more to add to it.

i was watching it again and taking some notes this time.

the speaker lists these reasons for people having anxieties:.

Bigdummy

I will weigh in with a thought or two on this thread. I am fairly old now ( near 70)

but when I was a youngster I thought people at the door would be happy to hear

my message. As I got older I realized they wanted me at their door about as

much as I wished they were at mine. Most householders are courteous here in

the southern USA so jw’s In the south get kind of a break there. Some Baptists

worked my street a while back and we talked at least 20 minutes on my front

porch. They were cordial not pushy, and seemed to be genuine real people.

Some jw’s are that way. But over the years I got to experience some real crazies

in the congregation all the way from publishers to elders. Just people I could

not be around. I got to thinking as an adult that there was something wrong

with me because I could see all kinds of things happening that I couldn’t

understand. Witnesses being married three or more times ( somebody picking

the wrong mate I guess) and one sister separated from her husband who is

an elder and this is her fourth husband that I know of. The 1995 generation

teaching iced it for me. I was thinking okay something is definitely wrong with

this whole deal. At this time I was in my late 30’s and I was getting deeply de-

pressed , agitated, mad at myself for all the years I had going along with this

organization. Staying because I was going to live forever. Realized I didn’t

want to live forever with this bunch. Anxiety was at level ten at all waking hrs.

my wife is still 100% in. I go with her sometimes because she wants me to.

I usually gaze at my IPad looking up different subjects during the meeting.

Medication - check. Exercise - check. Healthy diet- check. Keep my distance

from people I don’t trust- check. Fairly happy now. Oh yeah I belong to the

local YMCA paid for by my insurance plan but I still technically signed up. There

will probably be some major fallout when the elders realize I am part of a major

anti Christian thuggery bunch. Actually everybody is very nice but I know that

don’t count.

16

married young--in the cult--divorced ?

by stan livedeath in

following on from mrquik's thread.... who of us married at an early age to another j-dub ?

how long did the marriage last?.

how did it end ?.

Bigdummy

Wow, I haven’t posted on here for a long time. We met when both were 16. We

married at 18 . We’ve been married for almost 50 years. We were both born-ins.

She’s still in and I’m PIMO for the last several years. We talk about all the things

wrong with the borg but it doesn’t bother her and I get it off my chest and we go

on with our lives. I told her about the Brussels investigation and the branch office

raid there. Dosen’t affect her ties to the org one iota. She’s not swayed by anything

the .org does but we still love each other. I still like to read about all the crap the

borg gets into. Selling Kingdom Halls to other churches and still say they need

14,000 Kingdom Halls. I’ll stop here because I’m getting off subject. I’ll start

my own rant latter.

8

Mind numbing

by Bigdummy in

i went with my wife to a one day ca the other day.

i haven’t been to a meeting in.

probably 8 or 9 months.

Bigdummy

Attendance was 2500 with 9 baptized.

8

Mind numbing

by Bigdummy in

i went with my wife to a one day ca the other day.

i haven’t been to a meeting in.

probably 8 or 9 months.

Bigdummy

I went with my wife to a one day CA the other day. I haven’t been to a meeting in

probably 8 or 9 months. Haven’t been in FS in a couple of years. But I went with

her since it was about 50 miles away and I didn’t want her to be alone and thought

I’d see if I could tolerate the experience since I’ve pretty well faded. I was surprised

that I could sit there with relative ease and not be tensed up. One thing I did notice

was that Jesus was mentioned at the end of each prayer and I didn’t hear a single

mention of him besides that. During the baptismal talk and the prayer for that I’m

guessing that the brother said Jehovah about 30 times. I understand that it is

the name used in the Bible to represent the Almighty God but I’ve got to say that

the repeatative saying of that name somehow takes away from the importance of

that name. For lack of a better word it somehow cheapens the strength of that name.

It’s almost like a chant. You can tell by the speakers choice of words and how he

constructs his sentence that the name Jehovah is coming up. Just saying his name

so many times in a single talk diminishes the power that the name should have. Just

my opinion. One other thing. The CO gave a talk that was a real downer. He talked

about sexual morality vs sexual immorality and pornography. I knew that topic would

be talked about I just didn’t know when. But he said if you watch porn on any electron-

ic device ( he didn’t mention printed page since that would be outdated) you are

mocking God. I didn’t hear any mention of joining the UN as mocking God or never

ending change of doctrine as mocking God. I wonder if an obese elder or rank and

file member eats an extra slice of pie and puts more stress on body ( temple), is he

mocking God? Your suppose care for the body God gave you. Well anyway, view-

ing porn on any electronic device is mocking God for sure. My wife I and left early

and so did my son and his family. One last thing. Those personal experience demos

never did anything for me. It was always some people that were handpicked to give

some mundane experience that really wasn’t that interesting to begin with. Man says

I sold my nice house and bought a condo. I sold that condo and got a less expensive

place and saved even more so I could quit my job and full time pioneer with his wife.

He said Jehovah would provide. My question would be what if you or your wife had

money problems down the road or sickness and your part time job couldn’t sustain

you anymore? Would you have been mocking God thinking all your worries and cares

would just not happen because you pioneered and and that Jehovah would just

take care of any problems? I watched people in the audience just nod in approval

and just eat every word.up. I really just felt sad for all the ones that just sit there like

drones and don’t seem to care that this is really drivel. They say you have to get into

the meat and deeper things. That’s a joke. All I heard was what you can’t do as laid

out by the FDS. Well anyway you can’t use that electronic device for sinfull reasons.

At least that was meat in due season.

8

Just thinking.....i

by Bigdummy in

jw
friends

i made a couple of comments the other day on this forum and i hadn’t realized it had.

been so long.

my history shows i joined 3 years ago.

Bigdummy

About 20 yrs ago our book study group met at the Hall. I liked meeting

there instead of a home. I had been in some home meetings some good

some brutal. We had in the high 40’s assigned there but the actual atten-

dance was less than half of that. I think some people asked to be in the

group so that if they missed maybe no one would notice since there was

usually 18-20 that could answer the questions. The conductor stated one

time “you know why so many aren’t here tonight?” Obvious answer to me

was people have different problems. Got home late from work, car broke

dowm, relatives from out of town or across town showed up unexpected-

ly that you hadn’t seen in years. It could have been a multitude of things

because all people have problems. Nobody answered because I think it

was a rhetorical question. Well here comes the answer. “It’s because they

don’t appreciate spiritual things.” Now this was at least 25 yrs ago. It was

just around the time I was starting to get irked with the whole jw thing. I

remember it was in the dead of winter and I thought I would ask a simple

question of the conductor after the meeting. I asked him how he came to

the conclusion that the absentees had no appreciation of spiritual things?

I said it’s the dead of winter and it’s flu season. It’s freezing outside and

we had a lot of little ones in the congregation at the time. Is it possible that

a lot are sick? He looked kind of sheepish there for a second and said he

hadn’t thought about that. That was about all I said at the time because

he was an elder and I was peon. But it struck me odd for one thing that

he would make a statement like that and then not consider all the possi-

bites that could have been considered for people not being there. But that

is pretty harsh I thought to be a shepherd and say the sheep aren’t here be-

cause they don’t appreciate what’s being provided. I’ve never been a MS

or elder but if my sheep are missing I think I would sincerely try and find

them and see what’s going on. Not degrade them or berate them but show

them I really cared. I don’t believe all shepherds are that way but I’ve seen

a lot worse. Never cared to be over anyone nor cared anything about tell-

ing people what to do. It’s not my nature. My dad and brother were in

supervision at their jobs and I was a warehouse worker at my place of em-

ployment. Union trade. Although now I drive a school bus and in charge of

the kids it’s not the same for me being over them. It’s more like protecting

them, being a nurse to them ( bandaids for cuts) custodian ( throw ups)

referee ( squabbles , fights etc ). Best job I ever had. You know I’ve heard

from the platform worldly kids are bad, out of control always running to do

something wrong or evil. Not so. Yes there are a few but the percentage is

low in my experience. Probably just as low as in jw land. In fact had a jw

kid spit on me one time. He had some social problems but it was a non

issue for me after a day or two. Everybody has their moments. So anyway,

long story short if the leaders and higher ups were truly loving and I mean

in a real sense, I could look over some flaws in doctrine, have a real broth-

erhood where people honestly cared for each other instead of this fake love

where people are scared to say anything because they may end up in the

backroom. I need to quit dreaming.

8

Just thinking.....i

by Bigdummy in

jw
friends

i made a couple of comments the other day on this forum and i hadn’t realized it had.

been so long.

my history shows i joined 3 years ago.

Bigdummy

I made a couple of comments the other day on this forum and I hadn’t realized it had

been so long. My history shows I joined 3 years ago. I’ve been looking on this forum

but I just felt like viewing other people’s posts since I had been thru a lot of the same

things. But I laid in bed about 3 hrs last night ready and thinking. Even though we all

on here went thru a lot of the same problems and disappointments I guess some

have different slants on how they were affected. I had to get out. I thought I was

going to go crazy and lose my mind taking in all this drivel. My wife went to the

hall this morning and I stayed home. She is totally in for the duration of her life. She

has friends in the congregation and they call each other. I had friends on a condition-

anal basis and I knew that. I call no one and no calls me except my family and very

few friends. I’m fine with her situation and I’m fine with mine. We don’t talk jw stuff

and we’re fine with that. She has 100% faith in the wtbts and I don’t mention it any

more. She knows about the ARC and the child abuse cases and cash settlements

because I brought them up a while. That was a sore point for her and did not want

me to ever mention it again. I wouldn’t feel right about trying to dismantle her faith.

That’s her faith to believe and do what she wants to do with it. If at a future date

she sees the real deal I’m not going to say I told you so. Everyone that critically

thinks will at one point start to see things differently. Everything I believe I can as-

sure you is not right but I also don’t demand you believe me under penalty of being

shunned. We’ve been married almost 50 yrs and have always pulled together as

one except on the jw issue. I always felt sorry for the ones at the Hall who set there

with dead eyes and nodding and bopping their heads with agreement at anything

that came from the platform. Scary and unnerving really. Several widows there

who seem to have no life in them and then all the other drones who are hanging on

for dear life hoping, just hoping they can endure to the end of their natural life so

maybe, just maybe they can make it back in the resurrection. A lot of people look

unhappy and physically in pain and they drag themselves to the Hall because it’s

so much better to be there instead of listening on the phone don’t you know. I’ve

seen elders upset and badger the congregation because no one put there hand up

to answer a question verbatim word for word from the publication. BS. Most peo-

ple want it to hurry up and be over. Anybody under 10 yrs old is already asleep and

the older ones don’t like to drive at night. I’m almost finished. The circuit servant

visited a few months ago and told the members that their tues. night mid week

attendance was horrible. Thanks for the fine encouragement I thought. He said to

change it back to thurs night and attendance would increase back to the way it used

to be before the members voted for tues night to be the mid week meeting night.

So they voted to change back. So close was the vote they had to recount the votes

several times. Surprise surprise. My wife tells me the attendance looks the same

except people appear to be more tired because they have been working all week.

I have more to say but I’ll cut this off for the time being.

22

It’s My Anniversary!

by jp1692 in

today is the four year anniversary of the last time i set foot in a kingdom hall.

it was the day of the kool-aid issue of the wt!

“at that time, the life-saving direction that we receive from jehovah’s organization may not appear practical from a human standpoint.

Bigdummy

Freddo

I could post more often but I feel that I would be redundant in the things I could

relate. I had a terrible run in with an elder about 25 years ago that set me back

mentally and emotionally. I struggled really hard after that. I was in the hospital-

tal several times over the next few years ( admitted myself) and had trouble

functioning with a job and trying to provide for a family. Almost ended it all at

one point which would have relieved me but not helped my wife and four kids.

i was diagnosed as bipolar and OCD. A few years ago I discovered that I have

what is Pure O. I won’t go into the details of what that is but I’d suffered with

that my whole life evidently. As the years past I calmed down quite a bit and

finally gave up trying to deal with this religion along with other things that aren’t

that important. I have jw family all around so I tread lightly when speaking to

them. Don’t want my life any more complicated by spouting off something to

one of them that’s not going to make any difference anyway. Rant over for now.

22

It’s My Anniversary!

by jp1692 in

today is the four year anniversary of the last time i set foot in a kingdom hall.

it was the day of the kool-aid issue of the wt!

“at that time, the life-saving direction that we receive from jehovah’s organization may not appear practical from a human standpoint.

Bigdummy

There were several things I couldn’t accept over the years and that line right

there “ follow our instructions whether or not they sound strange from a

human standpoint” was probably the big point that finished me off. I had been

in over 60 years now and brought in when I was six by my parents. My wife

and I were watching a documentary a few months ago on the Waco incident

with David Koresh. They showed a clip of him teaching his followers and I

promise he said that same line to them almost exactly word for word. I looked

over at my wife and she never said a word. I haven’t been to a meeting in months

and quit the field service over a year and a half ago. I haven’t commented

on here in a long time and I read and study the Bible and commentaries on my

own. The wife is still in 100%. She is a born in.

25

Do you feel that you are really YOU?

by UnshackleTheChains in

i am interested in finding out how you view yourself.

are really you when it comes to every day interactions....ie when at work, with family or friends, or if attending meetings?.

if still attending, do you feel you are not the real you at meetings?

Bigdummy

You have a lot of the same feelings I have. I have been associated with wtbts for

60 years. I go to keep peace with my wife. I haven't been in FS for over a year.

My wife knows my feelings and we just kind of leave it at that. She is still in 100%.

I don't go the mid week meeting but I go on Sunday about 3 times a month but

I go out to the car during the wt study. I usually just read my bible during the talk.

Nobody and I mean nobody has ever asked me about why I don't go out in FS.

Two elders visited my wife and I about 2 months ago ( I'm sure my wife invited

them) and neither of them asked about my not going in FS anymore. No CO visit

either. I guess I'm fortunate. I don't make waves with doctrines anymore. I do my

own research and study. If 8 million people want to believe something I say let them.

i believe what I want so I will let people believe what they want. I don't feel like

debating people who are entrenched in a belief. If somebody wants to know what

I think I'll tell them. I'm not a conversationalist anyway.

14

Don't know if I'm hearing things.

by Bigdummy in

i went to the hall with my wife on sunday.

i try to be there for my wife at some meetings.

because she is still neck deep in the beliefs and she understands my fading and doesn't.

Bigdummy

This was one of our local elders who has been around here at least 30 years. He

has stated some off the wall things in the past and even ticked his brother-in-

law elder off one time for something he said from the platform. The argument

between them is not here say, I witnessed the confrontation in person and tried

to help rectify the situation. The speaker was once our presiding overseer and it

always seems we get he A type personality in that position. They all seem to think

that this is THEIR congregation. I notice that it's the same 25% in the congregation

that provide all the answers to questions from the podium. I wonder if there are

not more like me at the hall, who used to answer maybe once per meeting, who

no longer care to participate because it's so drone like anymore. I wouldn't answer

questions directly from the publications but tried to put some meaning into what

I was saying. I see long timers who almost read the answer directly from the

watchtower word for word. Sad. No warmth. No life. I don't discuss any of my

feelings about the wtbts with any jw's. Only my wife. I haven't commented or

turned in any fs report in many months so I know I'm probably on the radar. Funny

thing though the circuit servant was just here a few weeks ago and I was expecting

a visit or something to see what was going on. Dead silence. They probably had

others that needed encouraging. I really do feel for others that can't see . I can't

blame them because my wife is one of them. I'm definitely not an intellectual or a

Bible scholar but come on. This whole organization is nothing like the 50s or 60s

when I grew up.