Been there many, many times. Tried once or twice but my heart really wasn't in it. I was just testing the waters, not really serious.
I disagree that suicide is necessarily evidence of mental illness. Millions of people every year kill themselves who have never had a single bout with depression.
It is judgemental to say that suicide is connected to mental illness. here's why:
If you were trapped in the wilderness, and like in the movie Into the Wild, you realized that you would die a slow agonizing death, and you had a gun, would you be necessarily mentally ill to kill yourself? would anyone blame you?
As in my case, I had every person I ever loved disappear from my life for all eternity in one instant with out being able to say good bye. My best friend, my fiance, my mother my father, my brothers my sisters, life-long friends... If you knew someone who lost their whole family and every friend they ever had in a plane crash, and then heard that the next day or year or whatever they killed themselves, would you think, "They must have been mentaly ill?"
Suicide is the one act a person can do in which they are in complete control. I didn't ask to be born. I have little control over my socio-economic status, my genes, my location, my abilities, faults etc. It's all pretty much decided for me. Now you are going to tell me that I don't have the right to leave this god-forsaken place when I want to or I'm crazy if I do chose to leave? Please.
Sure, suicide may be the reaction to excruciating pain, either emotional or physical or other. But it can also be the ultimate protest statement. It can be your way of saying that you reject the very premise upon which this reality rests. you can chose to leave this world in a beautifully romantic way. I have always thought about just paddling out on my board and never coming back to shore, and just disappearing like Duke Kahanamoku.
but no, society says I must die slowly and torturously of my lung cancer in a sterile hospital hooked up to hoses and machines as if that is the "natural" way to go. Surely that is the real dignified way to go too right? Not paddling out into the sunset.
No, I have already decided that suicide is the way I want to go. I am not trying to do it any time soon, but when my life starts winding down, I am going to gather my friends around and have one last party, the best one imaginable. and if I am still strong enough I'll paddle out, maybe with some old surf buddies there to accompany me part way. I'll take some drugs and other things along to ease the discomfort. Then at some point my friends will turn around and head back to shore. And I'll stay out there all night talking to my god or the emptiness, then I'll slip off my board and dive deep, deep down until I start feeling euphoric and I am too deep to make it back to the top. If you ever find my board, I hope you mount it somewhere with these words, 'The last ride."
Shawn10538
JoinedPosts by Shawn10538
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Shawn10538
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Did you ever get a green handshake?
by Awakened at Gilead inas a former missionary, i would eagerly and greedily look forward to going home and seeing local brothers and sisters.... i would try to give as many public talks and service meeting experiences as possible.... at either of these venues, i could generally take home anywhere from $100 to $300 from all the $20 or more green handshakes.... get-togethers were also an excellent tax-free money making venue (see all your old friends, and get cards from them)... and would generally net from $500-$1000 for a get-together (after an absence of at least a year or more).... so a trip to the us could easily bring in $2k..... tax free.... plus all the perks while visiting the us... the friends that treat you to nice restaurants, lend you their car, etc..... anyone else want to share their green handshakes stories????
let's expose greed green handshakes for what they are!
indulgences for the rich, greed for the clergy order of special fulltime servants!.
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Shawn10538
I pulled in an averge of 50-70 dollars per month giving tours at the Farm in English and Spanish. The Spanish folks of course gave most. African Americans were next. Rich white folks... if I saw them in the lobby, I would try to trade them with another tour guide unless there were some hot babes in the group. Southern folks gave more. Californians gave infinitely less - stingy bastards (unless they were from poor Mexican neighborhoods). Almost any foreign brothers gave more than US brothers. Canadians did not give much. If there was a Bethelite, ex or present in the group they usually made sure I was tightened up. Japanese tours were ok but all they gave were those stupid paper birds and handmade book marks. Folks back home visiting never gave a dime.
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Where would you relocate in Texas and why?
by White Dove ini love the heat, humidity, palm trees, and the ocean.
at the same time, i don't want to get flooded out by a hurricane.. do you think there are places far enough above sea level that don't get flooded in houston?.
would you recommend dallas as a good place to relocate?.
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Shawn10538
Austin - great art scene.
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Did U Know That The Farther U Were Away From NY The Less Spiritual U Were?
by minimus inyeah, those californicators were/are trouble!
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Shawn10538
This is true. I have heard it repeated many times.
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The"smelly stuff "hits the fan
by wobble inthurs @ 4 p,m bst (british summer time) the p.o ,or should i say now de-moted co-ordinator(i wonder if he knows?
) and a mincer are coming to encourage me.this is the official heavy visit i reckon.
i havn't been to a meeting since about april this year and have been inactive since a year before that.. i do not want to be d'f'd or to disassociate as i have all my family still in,my dear old mum(nearly ninety,in da troof sixty years) right down to great nephews and nieces etc.
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Shawn10538
Do not meet with them. Please do not meet with them. Make appointments, cancel them, work late a lot, make another date with them, cancel again, get sick, go on a trip, make an appointment, play phone tag, take several days to get back t them, express interest in meeting with them... But do not talk with them.
Try to put them off for a year. I dragged my Judicial meeting out for a year and a half. Then I appealed and it took 6 more months to have that meeting, and they accepted my appeal. It's kind of hard to disfellowship A GUY for something that is 2 years old. There seems to be no point in it. I'm not saying it doesn't happen, but it just isn't urgent anymore. -
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Hosting Site for J.R. Brown Interview by LDH
by Big Tex inrevmalk has graciously agreed to host ldh's interview with j.r. brown.
http://www.lambsroar.org/jrbrown-interview-1.wma.
http://www.lambsroar.org/jrbrown-interview-2.wma.
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Shawn10538
Can anyone put this interview in a format that is downloadable for Mac OS? Those links open up as a document on my computer - no sound. How about a good old standard mp3 file?
Anybody got CDs of this interview? Other audio recordings?
By the way I just got off the phone with JR and he said simply that he was not going to disuss a interview he had 2 years ago, too much work to do there at Bethel. I have to write in. But he admitted to the interview, he knew exactly which one I was talking about and did not deny saying that he said "We are not Gods sole channel of truth on earth today." Just further confirmation. -
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Four Years Awake...
by Confession inyes, it was yesterday, september 15th, that marked four years to the day of my "awakening" from the watchtower coma.
it's been quite a ride, but here are the highlights.... -sept. 15, 2004: after months of investigation and mental gymnastics, i read tom cabeen's "does god work through an organization?
" this day, at 38 and in the third generation of a four generation jw family, i knew for sure i'd been misled.. -march, 2005: i am reinstated at my congregation.
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Shawn10538
Awesome!
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Shawn10538
all the time
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Dog to its Vomit
by Sparkplug ini know as a jw growing up, i would hear so much about how if you were of the"world" and came out of it...that you were like a dog returning to its vomit.
the other day, i heard of a friend of mine that went back to the borg.
actually over the past few months, i have heard of a few.
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Shawn10538
Precisely why I have zero respect for people on this board who are still active witnesses and spend their time being complete phonies to prop up pretend marriages where they are being manipulated by people (the wife freaks out every time I say something negative about the society) and held hostage (if you go apostate I'll leave you) to an idea of a family, but not a real one. I am surprised at how long a person will cling to a family they know is made of cardboard, empty. Can't find anything better? Sometimes you have to tear down first so you can build a real structure on the site.
Living a lie... sorry just can't respect that. Giving talks on this crap? Are you kidding? Now if you are engaged in some kind of covert sabotage of the society, that's cool. Or if it is part of a plan to slowly exit your family, but a man in his own home (or woman) not being able to speak his truth in his own castle? Never! This staying in for the family business, contributing to the kingdom hall fund, going ot in service etc... it takes a special kind of coward to do it. -
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Do JWS violate Bible laws on blood?
by Fisherman in.."except these necessary things, to keep abstaining from things sacrificed to idols and from blood and from things strangled...."
everyone that eats meat also consumes some whole animal blood with it and that does not violate the bible injunction on blood.
god allows it.
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Shawn10538
I ran into a slew of The Noah's Ark Cult (Dubs) at Hometown buffet and sat right next to a bunch of them. I struck up a conversation with a brother and told him how much whole liquid blood he was eating (approx. 10ccs) in his ham. I was telling him and he continued to pile it right in his mouth as he I was saying it.
He said that cooked blood is ok to eat! hahahaha!
Then I stood by the meat cutting station and remarked to every person with a blue badge how meat is essentially saturated with blood. Not a one even hesitated to continue to pile on (and man did they pile it on!) stacks of fresh cut meat of all kinds.
When I got back to my table the whole large family had moved.