Posts by Super

23

Long Distance relationships

by lola28 in

jw
friends

can they work out?

please share your thoughts with me.. .

lola

Super_Becka

But maybe I'm biased.

Aww there she is ready to give good advice. Becka if I am ever in your part of the world I am going to buy you a Pepsi, and also does this mean that you don't want me to look for an inmate for you? Because release day out here is on the 15th and I'm sure some of them have wicked tans by now, so let me know, cause I think I found us twins,hehe.

Hehehe, yup, I figured it was time for me to put my two cents in on the "long-distance relationships" thread, considering that I do have some experience with that sort of situation.

I'll definitely have to take you up on that Pepsi offer sometime, too. If I'm ever in your neck of the woods, I'm definitely gonna look you up and ask for my Pepsi.

In the meantime, keep your eye on those ex-cons for us, just make sure that they're not JWs. I think we've both had enough experience with the JWs to last a lifetime. Hmm, release day is coming up soon, huh?? Nab those tanned twins and send one over here - my birthday is on the 21st, you can say that he's my birthday present.

Just make sure he's not wearing anything but a big bow.

But for long-distance relationships, I think they can work out just fine if you know what you're doing and you both really want it to work. Just an opinion.

-Becka :) (of the "yup, in a long distance relationship with a JW, of all people" class)

23

Long Distance relationships

by lola28 in

jw
friends

can they work out?

please share your thoughts with me.. .

lola

Super_Becka

You're going to have to ask SuperBecka.

Looks like it's time for me to weigh in here.

So, do I think that long-distance relationships can work out?? Yup, without a doubt, if two people are committed and loyal and determined to make it work, then yes, I firmly believe that a long-distance relationship can work out just fine. It's definitely different from having a "conventional" relationship, but I think it's very possible if the required levels effort and commitment is there.

But maybe I'm biased.

Just remember - my boyfriend of nearly 10 months lives 3500 miles away and the only major problem we have right now is the fact that he's a JW. Sure, there are lots of smaller things, but no relationship is perfect, and that's definitely the only really huge problem we have at the moment.

So yup, I definitely think that, if the parties involved really want it to work out, then a long-distance relationship is quite possible.

-Becka :) (of the "making a long distance relationship work" class)

52

UBMs - why do we love JWs??

by Super_Becka in

i think there's been a thread on this before, but i figured i'd ask again.. for all of the ubms out there, why is it that we love witnesses??

what is it about them that we find so attractive??

why are we putting ourselves through this mess when we know full-well that there are lots of non-jws out there who would be better for us??.

Super_Becka

Hi CHL, looks like I got my point across more clearly this time. I certainly didn't mean to make myself out to be one of those girls who sets out in a relationship to change the man that she's with, I'm just not that kind of person.

The problem with being with someone who hasn't figured it out is that the growth of knowing these vital things can be stunted simply by their split focus. You are his priority and he is not his priority. Hopefully though by watching you and seeing how you grow and interact it will help him know what he needs out of his life and his interactions.

First, let me say that I definitely don't consider myself to be a "woman" yet, it kinda freaks me out when people here on the board call me that, I'm definitely still a "girl", still figuring things out, still becoming the person that I'm meant to be, and I'm thoroughly enjoying it. It's fun to grow and learn, I like finding out new things about myself, and sometimes I surprise myself.

And I think that, with my current boyfriend, and I emphasize the word "boy", we're both getting a chance to grow together. When I first started talking to him, I was so shy around him and so insecure about everything, and he seemed to be very introverted, a real loner, someone who could be quite happy to spend his whole life alone in his apartment, playing video games and going out only to work and get groceries. But now, over a year later, I know that I'm a more secure person (not completely secure, but I am a work in progress) and I feel more comfortable with myself (he's tried so hard to make me feel better about myself), and he's different, too. Sure, he's still quite content to spend a lot of time doing his own thing, not doing anything interesting or new, but that's only when we're apart and he's alone. When we talk about the next time we'll be together (long-distance relationship, remember), he's suddenly full of ideas for things to do. He wants to take me places, show me around (and show me off, too), do things with me, it's really amazing to see him like that. Even when I visited him last August, I expected to do a couple of things with him and just hang out a lot together, but he has something interesting and exciting to do every single day, there was never a dull moment. I think he's finally seeing that there's a fun and exciting world out there and now that he has someone to share it with, he wants to get out and see everything. Sometimes, when I think about it, I think that we're both helping each other grow in different ways.

I think that we're both very immature and inexperienced, but at least for now, we're both growing together, learning new things, seeing new sides of each other, it's nice. And I think, in a way, that's what we both need, someone to grow up with, someone to help us figure out who we are... even if it's just a temporary thing.

-Becka :) (of the "sometimes it's nice to forget that he's a JW" class)

52

UBMs - why do we love JWs??

by Super_Becka in

i think there's been a thread on this before, but i figured i'd ask again.. for all of the ubms out there, why is it that we love witnesses??

what is it about them that we find so attractive??

why are we putting ourselves through this mess when we know full-well that there are lots of non-jws out there who would be better for us??.

Super_Becka

Becka I don't know you so please to not take this as a judgement in any way
I always find myself falling for a guy who needs a lot of work but that I'm crazy about anyway.
I have a serious problem with this. People don't need work.

No offense taken at all, CHL.

Maybe I should've phrased that better. I don't mean that I date guys that I try to change to fit what I think they should be, because I know better than to try and change anyone. I wouldn't want someone to try and change me, so I don't try and change anyone else.

What I meant by that would be that I tend to find myself with guys who... maybe don't know how to have a relationship and deal with people?? Does that make any sense?? Like, guys that don't know how to handle themselves in a relationship, how to compromise their individual lives with the life of a girlfriend. Guys that really need to figure out who they are and how they see other people and how they can fit others into their lives. I don't mean that they need to change their personalities or their lifestyles, they just need to come into their own, so to speak, just like we all do.

Maybe it would be better for me to say that I tend to find myself with guys that haven't really figured out who they are, what they want and what they need. My last boyfriend was very awkward around me, he wasn't really comfortable unless he was with his parents and sisters or at least his best guy friends, like he was always unsure of himself. My current boyfriend, the JW, is less awkward around girls and other people, but he still prefers the company of his family (he doesn't have any friends outside of his co-workers) and he doesn't have much in the way of social skills, his people skills need some fine-tuning (and I don't mean that as a bad thing, I just mean that maybe he need a little practice with his tact and personal expression).

That's what I meant when I said that they "need a little work". I didn't mean to say that I needed to change them or that they needed to change to suit me, I meant that they just needed some more personal development. And so do I, I'm a very shy person and I have a hard time expressing myself sometimes, I need work, too, but like I said, I don't try to change others and I don't change myself to suit anyone else, either.

Does that make any sense or did I only make it worse??

-Becka :)

20

Can someone explain Mosaic Law please??

by Super_Becka in

ok, so maybe i should've asked this a long time ago, but i'm a little slow sometimes.

my apologies for being uneducated in this particular area.

hey, i'm still learning, that's why i'm here.. i've seen a lot of references to mosaic law here on the board, but i'm a little unclear as to what it is, what it says, what it means, and who it applies to.

Super_Becka

OK, so maybe I should've asked this a long time ago, but I'm a little slow sometimes. My apologies for being uneducated in this particular area. Hey, I'm still learning, that's why I'm here.

I've seen a lot of references to Mosaic Law here on the board, but I'm a little unclear as to what it is, what it says, what it means, and who it applies to. Hey, I'm just a history student, I'm not a Bible scholar by any stretch of the imagination.

So if you don't mind, I'd appreciate a little bit of explanation here, a nice bulleted list or something. And references to other threads that explain this would be much appreciated, too.

Can anyone out there help me out??

Thanks!!

-Becka :) (of the "Biblically-challenged" class)

52

UBMs - why do we love JWs??

by Super_Becka in

i think there's been a thread on this before, but i figured i'd ask again.. for all of the ubms out there, why is it that we love witnesses??

what is it about them that we find so attractive??

why are we putting ourselves through this mess when we know full-well that there are lots of non-jws out there who would be better for us??.

Super_Becka

Hehehe, it would appear that the general response to "Why do non-JWs love JWs??" would be,

BECAUSE THEY'RE INSANE!!

And I'm not gonna argue with that, I know full-well that I'm completely and utterly insane to be trying to make anything out of a relationship with a JW, but alas, like Will Power said, love and romance are my weaknesses, I can't help it, I'm still in that romantic phase and I refuse to let the down side kill my relationship... yet.

Not to say that the hard reality of things hasn't set in and won't show me the light later on, but for now, I'm mostly happy. True, my guy doesn't have much tact and really doesn't express himself very well when it comes to things that he doesn't like because of his upbringing (like holidays and such), but nobody's perfect, right?? Every relationship has problems and issues, it's just that my relationship has problems that most normal relationships don't have.

Ahh, I can see just how naive and blind I am, I've had that pointed out to me on a regular basis (and I'm so grateful for that!!), but it's also very true that I don't know the full extent of my boyfriend's "JW-ness" or the "JW-ness" of his family, so I can't just write this off until I at least get a hint of that. After all, I don't really know his family and from what I've seen, they're fairly liberal, but I can't be sure of that and I'd like to know a little more before I write this off as a failed relationship and move on, or else there'll always be that "what if...?". Rest assured, though, that I'm keeping my eyes and ears open, I'm very much so aware of my boyfriend's thoughts and actions, and my ears always perk up when I hear him mention something that I know can be related to the WTS. (Like last night when I called him, he mentioned that his brother had shaved his beard for a new job, and I said, "What kind of place would ban a neatly trimmed beard??", knowing full-well that beards aren't always acceptable among JWs, and my boyfriend said, "Beats me, kinda weird, isn't it??", when he'd normally say something like, "Well, you know, Witnesses believe that...", so I'm thinking that he definitely doesn't know all of the WTS's rules and restrictions, interesting thought, makes me curious, but I'm not putting too much stock in it.)

It's like my dear friend insearchoftruth said, I love my boyfriend for who he is, not what he believes, and of course, that's what makes this situation so difficult. And like Will Power said, everything needs to be laid out on the table right from the get-go, so believe me when I say that I won't be making any commitments before I'm sure of what I'm getting myself into. After all, that's why I'm here, to learn and prepare myself for what could lie ahead, whatever that may be.

Or maybe I'm just a devil for punishment and that's why I'm doing this to myself, hard to say.

Do I think that I can "fix him"?? No, not really, but I do think that there might be a chance that this might work out, because it very well could. Of course, it could fall apart into a million little pieces, but there's still that tiny chance that this might work, I guess it all depends on what he's willing to do. I've already outlined what I think and what I will and won't do for him, so he just needs to decide where he stands. It's not that simple, but that's a start, anyway. I'd never try to "change" a guy to make him into exactly what I'd want him to be, it doesn't work that way, but some compromise and change is always required in a relationship to make it work, so who knows.

If this turns out OK, great, if it doesn't, I'll chaulk it up to experience and move on, same as everyone else does. In the meantime, this relationship requires some more exploration and thought before it gets written off. You wouldn't buy a car without a test drive, you wouldn't buy a house without an inspection and tour, you wouldn't choose a university without reading up on it, so why leave a relationship without exploring it and knowing a little more about it first??

I don't want to live out my life wondering, "What if...??".

Am I the only UBM out there who feels that way?? And what do other UBMs out there have to say for their relationships??

-Becka :)

6

THANKS FOR ALL THE SUPPORT!!!

by shera13 in

gerry and i really appreciate all the wonderful comments of welcome we received from you guys!!!

thanks for making us feel welcome!!!

we look forward to getting to know u guys better and for you guys to know us better.........gerry and maria

Super_Becka

Hey, no problem, that's what we're here for.

I'm certainly looking forward to hearing more from you, stick around, share your story and make some new friends.

We're all glad to have you here!!

-Becka :)

18

So, who is anxious for Spring?

by JH in

jw
friends

.

i'm fed up of winter, and dirty yucky snow, and my car is full of sh*t salt.. so, today i washed it by hand.

it's red and shinny

Super_Becka

As much as I love snow and winter and winter sports and cold weather, I'm starting to look forward to being able to feel my toes again. Some of us spend all winter being very cold no matter how warm it is inside or how much clothing we wear, and you know, I think I'd like to feel my fingers and toes again, it might be fun.

Plus, I'm sick of wearing my winter jacket every time I think about going outside, I'm ready to switch back to a lighter jacket again, and I want to put away my heavy winter boots and my mittens and scarf.

Yup, I'm definitely ready for some spring. Bring it on!!

-Becka :) (of the "feels like Newfoundland gets 8 months of winter every year" class)

52

UBMs - why do we love JWs??

by Super_Becka in

i think there's been a thread on this before, but i figured i'd ask again.. for all of the ubms out there, why is it that we love witnesses??

what is it about them that we find so attractive??

why are we putting ourselves through this mess when we know full-well that there are lots of non-jws out there who would be better for us??.

Super_Becka

((((Kristofer))))

A UBM is an "unbelieving mate", a non-JW who's involved with a JW. Like me - I'm an Anglican and my boyfriend is an inactive JW.

Wow, I totally see where you're coming from with what you find so attractive about this girl that you're pining over. I feel the same way about my guy, he's like a breath of fresh air, he's so different from every other guy that I know, I didn't think that there were guys out there like him. Aside from the fact that he's a JW, he's so much like me that it's almost scary. I never thought there'd be a person out there who was so like me in so many ways.

I had already fallen for him before he told me that he's a Witness, and at that point, I said, "So what??". I knew there'd be trouble, but I didn't care, he has too many great qualities and we have too much in common. He's so important to me, but now, with what I know, part of me wishes I'd never met him.

For me and my boyfriend, religion is the only issue, and it'll probably end up being the one thing that destroys our relationship.

I'm sorry for what you're going through, Kristofer. Things will get better, I know they will. There's nowhere left to go but up.

-Becka :)

52

UBMs - why do we love JWs??

by Super_Becka in

i think there's been a thread on this before, but i figured i'd ask again.. for all of the ubms out there, why is it that we love witnesses??

what is it about them that we find so attractive??

why are we putting ourselves through this mess when we know full-well that there are lots of non-jws out there who would be better for us??.

Super_Becka

AHA, but you haven't met the invisible in-laws yet. Those invisible in-laws can make your life a living hell.

Ah yes, that should be lots of fun. I'm sure I'll get to meet those over the summer, I can't wait.

I don't know about the rest of you UBM girls out there, but I really don't like being so goofy about love, and I certainly don't want a make-work project (hehehe, I laugh at that term because real "make-work" projects are common in Newfoundland because of the high unemployment rate), but alas, I always find myself falling for a guy who needs a lot of work but that I'm crazy about anyway. Stupid pink elephants.

Maybe I'm just crazy. Whadda ya think??

-Becka :)

Super_Becka

Posts by Super_Becka