serendipity

Joined

• started 73 topics
• posted 3,829 times   see topics posted on
• send a message

Posts by serendipity

• 
  33

  What's reasonable to expect on a first date?

  by serendipity in

  1. social
  2. relationships

  i've been on online dating sites for a while, have exchanged emails with over 100 guys (politely saying "thanks, but no thanks" to the vast majority) and went on dates with a few.

  i'm generally disappointed in the emails these guys sent and have been disappointed in the dates.

  i'm not sure if the problem is with my expectations or if there is just a lack of communications skills and courtesy among people.

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  serendipity

  Thanks for all the replies!
  
  I'm finding lack of conversational skills to be quite common. I guess I'm going to have to just say "Let's talk about me now." and "What would you like to know about me?" or something like that next time I'm with a "talkative" guy. I have to wonder if there's a way to communicate to a guy how I would know he's interested in me, and that if I don't perceive interest or enthusiasm, then I'm not interested in seeing him again. I also have to wonder if there's a way to weed these guys out before I go on dates. Hmmm, maybe a topic for another time....
  
  Answers to some of the questions/comments y'all posed:
  
  Wolfie: A single guy in a convent? That's trouble. ;-)
  
  WAC: the thought of ONE more date repulses me. There's no way I could go on 2 more.
  
  Finally Free: No, he isn't a computer geek. He's a salesman. He should really have some insight into human behavior from sales training.
  
  MeneMene/BizzyBee/Eclipse/bluebell : Yes, I was quite revolted by his admission of discipline tactics and agreement with df'ing. Too bad that came up late in the conversation.
  
  Sweetstuff: I knew he married young and was in the Army. I know both situations cause high divorce statistics so two divorces weren't a red flag until I could hear why he was divorced. He told me why, and I think his self-absorbed behavior was probably a contributing factor to both.
  
  BFD: At least you have a GOOD bad date story to tell. ;-) Mine wasn't bad enough to be a good story.
  
  Soledad: I gave the guy plenty of hints and several times tried to steer the conversation to me, but he ignored it.
  
  SAss My Frass: I actually asked this guy if I looked like my pics or was guilty of false advertising. He said that I did look like my pictures. I wasn't really interested in the ex wives so much as why he was divorced. I know that it's PC to avoid that topic and if it comes up, downplay or evade answering those kind of questions on the first date. But I always ask anyway. I'd rather know sooner rather than later. Hearing about his book was interesting for about an hour, but after he kept returning to the topic - ugh.
• 
  9

  Stupid EX Boyfriends

  by noni1974 in

  1. social
  2. relationships

  rule number 1 never never never never never sleep with an ex boyfriend.

  no matter how long it's been since you got some.it's just not worth the trouble.remember they are an ex for a reason.. i made the mistake of breaking this rule a couple of weeks ago.he won't stop calling me.he won't stop dropping by unannounced.he just won't stop.he's driving me insane.. he thinks because i hooked up with him that means were going to start dating again.you would think he would get the message that i don't want to talk to him after he calls and calls and i never pick up the phone and i never returne the calls to him.but no he must still think were going to be together or something because last night while i was driving my taxi he called the office at the cab company and got rude with the dispatcher when the dispatcher told him i wasn't there.hello i drive a cab i'm not at the office answering phones.he does this not once, not twice, but three times.. that was after the second and before the third call.he didn't get the message and called again.he's emotionaly upset over something.but i don't give a crap.leave me alone!!!!

  if i want to talk to someone i know how to make a phone call.now i'm pissed and i think he may have gotten the message.. .

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  serendipity

  There's a fine line between persistence and stalking. He's crossed the line. Maybe he needs to be reminded stalking is a crime.
• 
  33

  What's reasonable to expect on a first date?

  by serendipity in

  1. social
  2. relationships

  i've been on online dating sites for a while, have exchanged emails with over 100 guys (politely saying "thanks, but no thanks" to the vast majority) and went on dates with a few.

  i'm generally disappointed in the emails these guys sent and have been disappointed in the dates.

  i'm not sure if the problem is with my expectations or if there is just a lack of communications skills and courtesy among people.

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  serendipity

  I've been on online dating sites for a while, have exchanged emails with over 100 guys (politely saying "Thanks, but no thanks" to the vast majority) and went on dates with a few. I'm generally disappointed in the emails these guys sent and have been disappointed in the dates. I'm not sure if the problem is with my expectations or if there is just a lack of communications skills and courtesy among people.
  
  Here's my latest dating experience with a guy a met on an online site. I'd like to know if I'm expecting too much. At this rate, I am not very hopeful of finding someone who I connect with on multiple levels.
  
  As for my date: Mike (35 yo, twice-divorced) was somewhat promising. From our emails, I could tell he was smart, interesting, playful. He also seemed to be a decent guy, choosing to stay involved with his stepchildren since they were the only father figure they had. He also asked me questions about myself, which is one thing a man HAS to do to have a chance with me. When he asked me to meet for coffee, I thought it would be fun.
  
  Well, the date was a let down. He WAS smart, interesting and somewhat playful- as his emails suggested. But his actions suggested a lack of interest or enthusiasm about meeting or getting to know me. I don't know if he was trying to play it cool or if he is clueless.
  
  The day before, I had suggested a time and place (a cafe) and gave him my cell # to confirm. He emailed that he'd be later because it would take 1/2 hr. to get there and "let's talk to figure this out." He gave me his #. (Well his schedule was tighter, why can't he call me?)
  
  I waited all day to see if he would call. I finally called him at the end of my workday. He told me he wasn't able to leave until half an hour later than he originally said. I'm prepared, I read a mag I brought along. (He ends up being 45 minutes later than I initially thought he would be. No acknowledgment or apology for that?)
  
  He calls me again asking for directions. (He can't mapquest or google ahead of time? That's what I would have done so I could get there without getting lost or being late.)
  
  He gets to the cafe and appears hesitant about even buying my drink. (He asked me out. Shouldn't he pick up the tab?)
  
  At least he wore clean clothes, didn't have BO and spoke in a normal tone of voice. Any one or two of the things above wouldn't have mattered much but in light of what happens next.....
  
  He proceeds to talk about himself and his projects for 4 hours, with me piping in to ask questions, or sympathize or share a little info about me on whatever subject he was on. He asks me 1 question the whole time: "what other career are you interested in?". He spoke at length about a book he's writing. I tried to steer the conversation to get him off that subject so I could find out more about HIM and his ex-wives and life. But he kept bringing the book up. About 1.5 hours into this, I told him one of the things I really liked about his emails to me was questions he asked about my interests. He didn't get the hint.
  
  Why did I stay for 4 hours? Well, I like hearing people's stories so I was interested in most of what he said. (Is it unreasonable to expect a man to ask me about myself and have conversational equity, rather than have one person monopolize the conversation? of course I was monopolizing the listening i.e. not talking)
  
  My perception of his behavior suggests that he's not interested in me as a person. As I drove home, I felt there was something else that bothered me but I couldn't really articulate it then. This morning I could. There wasn't an emotional connection. (Is it asking too much to have a *bit* of connection with a person after spending 4 hours with them?)
  
  What does it take to make that connection? Beyond having an interest in each other as a person, someone who can express feelings and who can sympathize/empathize/validate/acknowledge my feelings.
  
  I'm also attracted to compassion. There were two things that alerted me that he was deficient there: to punish his kids, he'd make them exercise until they cried. Then he told me that he admired JWs because they disfellowship people so that there are fewer hypocrites in the religion. (yeah, right)
  
  Yet, after he gets home, he sends me an email telling me he enjoyed meeting me and would like to get together again. So he's interested after all.
  
  So there you have it. Maybe I'm the pickiest woman in the world. Am I being unreasonable? Maybe I should just join a convent.
• 
  38

  Do You Like Who You Are???

  by minimus in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  would you change anything about yourself or are you pretty content with who you are?

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  serendipity

  Yes - I'm proud of what I've accomplished and the obstacles I've overcome to become the person I am. There's still room for improvement though.
• 
  24

  Dating Service

  by barj in

  1. social
  2. relationships

  has anyone had success with singlesnet.com?

  i am curious newly ousted jw whose interested in getting back in the dating world.

  i was not raised as a jw, so i have some experience.

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  serendipity

  I'm on singlesnet. I've been contacted by a lot of men, but most seem to just be looking for flings (and I'm not. ) I've had better luck with plentyoffish. OKCUPID is another free site.
  
  I've been contacted by over 100 men and there have been three surprising things about online services: one is that most men seem to have little ability to have an email 'conversation'. The second is the number of really young guys willing to hit on older women. Easily half the guys who have contacted me have been under 30. I indicated I was looking for the mid 30's to mid 40's range, so they just ignore that request, which leads to the third thing: men ignore what I've written in my profile and contact me when it's clear that they don't match what I'm looking for. And no, it's not because I'm gorgeous or am showing cleavage.
• 
  2

  What do you dream about?

  by TJ - iAmCleared2Land in

  1. social
  2. entertainment

  do you believe dreams have meaning?

  do you have any dreams that you feel are influenced by your childhood or years spent inside the borg?.

  my therapist has been having me relate dreams to himthose that i remember, that is.

  1. 
  2. 
• 

  serendipity

  I don't usually remember my dreams, and those that I remember tend to be about threats. I tend to do cursory analsysis of my dreams to see if there's any lessons to learn. I've had several dreams over the years about tidal waves and tornadoes. It usually occurs when I feel very insecure or overwhelmed about my situation at the time.
  
  Years ago, I was going to pursue a relationship with a man I worked with, RL. I had a dream that involved me and another man who was a stranger in a shower (and I've never met him since.) It caused me to rethink the relationship with RL. That was a good thing, because he later revealed he thought he was a confirmed bachelor and he'd definitely never marry anyone with a child (and I had one.) Since I was/am marriage-oriented, a relationship with him would have been heartbreaking.
• 
  155

  What Do You Do for Work / Career?

  by BlackPearl in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i've been on the board for quite a while now and was wondering, what do my fellow jwdr's do for work, employment or career?

  me, i'm in probably one of the most hated careers in america right now.

  (not gonna tell you what it is either) but how about you, what do you do to earn a little coin?.

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  serendipity

  Formerly a software development project manager, after a Dilbertesque corporate reorg, I ended up working in Marketing and hope to be laid off shortly. Then I'm seriously considering other career options.
• 
  49

  What is the last really fun thing you did?

  by Sassy in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  for me.. i guess it was attending comic-con.. there is still a bit of kid in me.. plus i got to go out with friends to dinner.. and dancing.. .

  had a blast... .

  so what was the last fun thing you did?.

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  serendipity

  I'm on vacation at the beach right now! Woohoo!!!
• 
  4

  Need a cleaner environment friendly car in Texas?

  by RisingEagle in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/metropolitan/5040779.html.

  from the article it says that in order to get some of the heavier polluting cars off the roads in certain texas counties the state will be offering $3k-$3500 vouchers to retire your pre-1996 vehicle.

  the vouchers are only good for newer cars that cost less than $25k and your income must be under $61k.

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  serendipity

  I haven't heard about this. It needs more publicizing. Maybe the cars retired are better than the cars currently running in OK?
• 
  25

  What did you see first to fall in love?

  by hamsterbait in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  what first made you notice for the first time your future sex object?.

  was it the perfect shiny ringlets of the little girl in front of you in 2nd grade?

  ( i always wanted to push my fingers up inside the ringlets of the pert little bossy boots in front of me.).

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  serendipity

  His name was Greg and he had blond hair, mischievous blue eyes, a sprinkling of freckles and the cutest grin, minus one tooth, like a lot of first-graders. He and I sneaked a kiss behind a bush during recess. I got in trouble but he didn't.