Don't blame the elders for all of this. Several years ago the society redefined what was fornication or grounds for divorce, 'pornea'. This opened a real can of worms for the local elders.
Before this only sexual penetration between a male and female was ground for divorce. But "new light" expanded it to include:
Sexual activity between the same sex (homosexuality). Even this had to involve actual genital manipulation, not just kissing and hugging.
Sexual contact between a male and female that resulted in an orgasm. Of course, in practice, only a male has an obvious orgasm.
A case I was involved in on the JC required me to ask Sister X (of my cong.) if Brother Z (of a neighboring cong.) had an orgasm. They had not had regular sex but she did handle his johnson. She replied, "I think so because my hand was wet when we finished making out". This was now a critical point because it could give their respective spouses the option for a 'scriptural divorce' if they wanted it. I called the elder in the other cong. who was on the JC dealing with Brother Z and told him what I had been told. His wife, Sister Z, wanted to divorce him but only if it was a 'scriptural' divorce.
They questioned Bro.Z about the wet hand. Did he have an orgasm? He told them, no. When told what Sis. X had said he told them that when he was aroused he leaked fluid but it was not an orgasm.
This meant that neither innocent spouse could scipturally divorce their mate!
However, just from what I've read here, it is obvious that some elders are getting their jollys by asking for the juicy details beyond what is needed to satisfy the WTS definitions. They are creeps.