Wow. I read your post and it looks like what I would have written when I was your age! I suffered from clinical depression for over 20 years. I agree with most of the others. The last thing you need to do right now is dive into a legalistic religion. The BEST thing you could do is get in a support group, and take care of yourself physically. Stay away from alcohol and drugs, because if you are taking anti-depressants, you will be defeating the purpose of even taking them. I can tell you there is light at the end of the tunnel. After 20 years of a near suicidal life style, I started eating right, took my meds. as directed, and allowed myself to just be lonely for awhile. Within a month, I felt better than I ever had and now, it's been 14 years, and I feel like life has been progressively getting great! Don't expect too much from friends and family that don't seem to understand how you feel. My Mom seemed kind of indifferent, but after I started feeling better, I could see that she was suffereing from the same thing! Something I couldn't see when I was going through it, because I was turning too far inward to notice much about anyone else. Turns out, I come from a LONG line of it! And my friends just got sick of hearing it. That is why I really hope you will seek a support group with people who can understand what you are going through. Look for help lines in the yellow pages. But please don't jump into something that could make you fall into an even deeper depression. I've never heard of cults "helping" depressed people. I've only heard the opposite. Feel free to send me a message, if you want someone to talk to.
