Children will unconsciously employ various coping mechanisms depending upon the other variants in their lives. Some will become extremely compliant, others withdrawn and shy, still others aggressive and hostile.
Dr. Karen Horney identified three ways of dealing with the world that are formed by an upbringing in a neurotic family: Moving Toward People, Moving Against People, and Moving Away From People.
Moving Toward People. Some children who feel a great deal of anxiety and helplessness move toward people in order to seek help and acceptance. They are striving to feel worthy and can believe the only way to gain this is through the acceptance of others. These people have an intense need to be liked, involved, important, and appreciated. So much so, that they will often fall in love quickly or feel an artificial but very strong attachment to people they may not know well. Their attempts to make that person love them creates a clinginess and neediness that much more often than not results in the other person leaving the relationship.
Moving Against People. Another way to deal with insecurities and anxiety is to try to force your power onto others in hopes of feeling good about yourself. Those with this personality style come across as bossy, demanding, selfish, and even cruel. Horney argued that these people project their own hostilities (which she called externalization) onto others and therefore use this as a justification to 'get them before they get me.' Once again, relationships appear doomed from the beginning.
Moving Away From People. The final possible consequence of a neurotic household is a personality style filled with asocial behavior and an almost indifference to others. If they don't get involved with others, they can't be hurt by them. While it protects them from emotional pain of relationships, it also keeps away all positive aspects of relationships. It leaves them feeling alone and empty.
