Welcome, abishephard. I hope your stay here is productive and that what you have to say will add to the collective wisdom of fellow posters.
I certainly can identify with some of your concerns. When I was a Bethelite in the middle 70's I got some advice from an older gentleman that I took on tour at Watchtower Farm concerning money and wealth. He told me NOT to believe everything that the Governing Body and Watchtower Society says about money. In conversation he told me that he too was a Bethelite back in the late 30's and early 40's. Over and over they were told that Armageddon was coming any day and not to be concerned about money or material things. 'Make sure that you take care of your financial future', he told me, 'since nobody else will.' That was great advice. I semi retired at 47 years old, I will receive 85% of the highest amount of Social Security at 66 years old and I have a very healthy retirement portfolio. I am very grateful for his advice. Over time, your concern for pleasing men in this regard will fade into the recesses of your memory. Get to work on your own financial future and GOOD LUCK to you!
Education and the pursuit of knowledge is bad. Don't get me started on this one! I was blessed with a high IQ and was never able to formally put it to a 'higher' use. When I was in grade school, I had the opportunity to skip 2 grades and advance forward. Unknown to me, my religiously deluded god intoxicated mother would not have any of this! Also, my maternal grandfather was going to pay my way through law school but he died unexpectedly at a young age and that dream perished with him. So what happened to me on the education front? I quit high school in the 70's , pioneered and then became a Bethelite. I too like to read and so after I left Bethel I continued the tradition of being an autodidact. Don't give up on improving yourself in this manner. Life itself is a free education if you let it teach you what it has to offer. GOOD LUCK to you and never stop learning!
I'm sure others here can offer advice better than mine. Pay attention to what the many good and intelligent people here have to offer you and I hope your future continues to get better and better.