Gracey
JoinedI was raised in the truth (Jehovah's Witnesses) from the age of 17mos old. My mother was and still is an active witness but my father was not, he passed away in January 2005 due to a stroke and heart attack. My mother was introduced to the witnesses thru my father because his mother was a witness for many many years until she died back in the 70s. But my experience with witnesses has been rocky mainly because I was regularly abused sexually by my father from the time I was 7 until I ran away from home at age 14. I don't blame the witnesses for what happened to me but I feel I didn't get the support and understanding that I needed from the congregation I was affiliated with, nor from my mother. I love my mother but never really understood why she chose to stand by my dad even though I told her of the abuse when it first started happening but she never did anything to help me. In fact, for seven years she would leave me along with my father in the mornings before school because she always had to be at work by 6:30am but I didnt have to be at school until 8am. This would leave him an open opportunity to me, so he would take up on it. I can remember telling my mom over and over again of what my dad done but it was like going in one ear and out the other. I can also remember the shame I felt after each time he forced himself on me and how I would feel it was my fault, and at the same time I felt helpless to the situation it was like I had no where to turn for help and was too ashamed to tell anyone outside my mom. And you know if you are exposed to something long enough, you get use to it. And I think that is what happened to me but at the same time I hated having to live like that. I can remember the day I got fed up with my father doing this to me, after he left for work one morning I got on my bike and went to the nearest phone booth cause we didn't have a home phone. I called this worldly older woman and asked her to come and pick me up and then told her what had happened. She told me she was not surprised because she saw signs but was afraid to say anything. She said she remembered being at my house and recalling my father making remarks about my "coke bottle shape" she felt those remarks were not appropiate coming from a father. My father was a bad alcoholic and smoked heavily, not that it was an excuse because usually when he abused me it was early in the mornings when he was very sorber, but my mom wanted to blame it on his drinking. I was placed in my grandmother's house whom was not a witness by the local human services. I can remember the 2 elders that came and had a discussion with my mom, dad, and me. Well, my father sat there and lied about everything in front of the brother and my mom stood behind him 100%. I was so hurt and felt like everyone was against me. It was like they didn't believe me cause mom told them she didn't believe daddy could do such a thing and I was making it up just to get out of the house. And to my surprised the oldest elder believed my mom over me, the other elder sat there quietly and didn't say much. I wasn't sure of his thoughts. Well, I studied and was baptised at the age of 20, but have been disfellowshipped since. I think my pass has stumbled me in becoming a sucessful witness and the fact of the way I was treated after telling the truth about my father abuse toward me. And my mother has always been in denial to the situation to this very day. I have never had a successful relationship/marriage and I think allot of it stems from my pass. Despite of how my mom has treated me, I love her and try to be there for her as much as I can because she is an old lady now and she needs me because I am her only daughter.