done4good

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Posts by done4good

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  72

  The bridge burning has begun.

  by sparrowdown in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i was feeling particularly hopeless about the whole jws being assholes thing and sick to death of pretending so ....

  i rang my sister and told her that i no longer believe jws have the truth and the phone went silent, when i asked her to say something she just said if that was the case then she would have to hang up on me and then proceeded to indeed hang up..

  so i texted her back immediately with fu..

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  done4good

  You should drink to this....If I was not at work fixing a broken network I would have one for you!

  d4g
  
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  72

  The bridge burning has begun.

  by sparrowdown in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  i was feeling particularly hopeless about the whole jws being assholes thing and sick to death of pretending so ....

  i rang my sister and told her that i no longer believe jws have the truth and the phone went silent, when i asked her to say something she just said if that was the case then she would have to hang up on me and then proceeded to indeed hang up..

  so i texted her back immediately with fu..

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  done4good

  Good for you, Sparrow!

  The shunning hurts like a bitch, but you will be stronger for it. We are here for you!
  
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  44

  I'm not so sure a bigger awakening is going to happen anymore

  by bradford in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  when i left in march officially i started reading the forums here.

  i had this excitement that more people would be leaving soon because of the crazy broadcasts, the crazy "new light" that the gb was dishing out, and more recently the australian royal commission lighting up geoffrey.

  this past saturday i had an elder stop by to chat for the first time since i left.

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  done4good

  One thing JWs also do now is hedge their bets. The hedge by staying in. Otherwise, most intelligent JWs do get an education, do start careers, families, etc. They live their lives as normally, (and apathetically), as possible. They don't really believe, however they think they do. Unfortunately, this is almost just as bad for us, since if we actually make an honest stand, (and say we no longer believe), they will not respect that and treat us as their equal. I find this incredibly frustrating, even after 10 years out.
  
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  44

  I'm not so sure a bigger awakening is going to happen anymore

  by bradford in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  when i left in march officially i started reading the forums here.

  i had this excitement that more people would be leaving soon because of the crazy broadcasts, the crazy "new light" that the gb was dishing out, and more recently the australian royal commission lighting up geoffrey.

  this past saturday i had an elder stop by to chat for the first time since i left.

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  done4good

  Mass exodus? No. Social evolution? Yes.

  As society changes, it becomes very difficult for a 19th century religion and social construct to remain relevant. Slowly, apathy builds among the members. Likely they make no real change, (other than just attempting to live as normally as possible), until if and when something happens to either them personally or someone the care enough about personally.

  Keep in mind human beings have strong social needs that are met by their association with the organization. Unless those needs can be met elsewhere, (really meaning that they are no longer being met by the organization), they will likely not leave, regardless of intelligence or approach to logical thought. This is why it usually takes a personal event to wake someone up, even after years of apathy.

  The apathetic are increasing in number however, and have been for many years, especially since the mid-1990s. These folks are a ticking time bomb, (individually, not collectively), and will leave as soon as it becomes socially feasible to do so.

  d4g
  
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  128

  Participate In The EX-JW Personality Test!

  by C0ntr013r in

  1. jw
  2. experiences

  first of all; i must admit that i'm not a huge fan of putting people in boxes like this, it is not an exact science.

  but i still think the data can be quite interesting and i intend to collect it and share it in a structured way with you guys.

  so without future ado here are the details.. link to test: .

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  done4good

  OneEyedJoe - INTJs are also the least likely to believe in god, which makes it hard to stay in a religious cult. In my case questioning the existence of god was easier than questioning the watchtower. Though I think the prevalence of INTJ on forums is more about the style of communication that we prefer - the wrongs of the cult are both numerous and varied enough to offend any personality.

  INTJ here. What I still have a hard time with is how on earth with this personality type I managed to stay in as long as I did. Agreed, giving up belief in god was much easier once I was already out.

  INTJs are over-represented on discussion forums in general, however they seem especially over-represented on ex-JW forums. That is not a mere statistical anomaly. I also read somewhere that INTJs are generally more prone to accept cognitive dissonance with less negative effects at first than most, that is until they have enough information such that intuitively they know better, and walk away from the source of the false information. Since this is generally a matter of self-honesty, someone such as an INTJ or similar NT type personality would have a very difficult time staying in and playing along once they know better. INTJs would be the most likely of any JW to leave eventually, as well as want to express and articulate those thoughts in written form, as INTJs generally like to do.
  

  d4g
  
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  83

  What woke you up?

  by Israel Ricky Gonzales in

  1. jw
  2. experiences

  in march of 2014, i was a very active jw, a ministerial servant, gave a public talk, was an attendant for the memorial, and one of 4 cleaning captains for an international convention of 40,000+ attendees.

  so what woke me up?

  an innocent comment from a co-worker about the candice conti court case rang a bell that could not be unrung.

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  done4good

  It took time, many years in fact. The formula can be summarized like this:

  Education+Success+Experiencing Real World=Seeing it is all bullshit when it turns on you.

  d4g
  
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  35

  Cognitive Dissonance

  by LexIsFree in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  the cognitive dissonance amongst jws has never been more obvious to me then what i just experience in the last 5 min.

  long story short i had a phone conversation w/my mom about some things and i mentioned to her to look up what has been going on with their beloved organization in australia.

  brother geoffrey jackson of the holy governing body was caught lying numerous times about several subjects including disassociations & shunning.

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  done4good

  Sorry, but there is no such thing as "universal behavioral science". Psychology is a soft science, built upon hard sciences, (such as mathematics, biology and physics), as well as other soft sciences, such as sociology. Dissonance theory is no less a valid area of study than most any other area of psychology. Actually, it is more "universally" accepted, than many other areas of psychology, since it does a very good job of explaining a complete picture of what is actually going on better than its competing theories.

  While what you state concerning the two conflicting thoughts existing at the same time is the dissonance, you are oversimplifying the contexts as to how and when this dissonance is experienced. Most of the time, it is not acute. It exists mostly at a subconscious level, and rarely causes much interference with normal life. Brief moments of discomfort are experienced, (such as watching a nature show on the reality of evolution, and stating "well I know that part is false"), and the dissonance resolved through that denial.

  There are times, (and pointing out a GB member's gaffs is one of them for sure), when acute CD is experienced. The discomfort is immediate, painful, and triggers a response that could only be described as absolutely illogical. The alternative at that moment is to either accept the possibility that one's belief system could be wrong, (and hopefully investigate further as to why), or shut down. The latter is almost always chosen, because very deep existential fears would need to be overcome instantly, and that is likely not humanly possible for most. Cognitive dissonance cannot save one from such a state, so denial is even more likely in this acute state of CD.

  I agree many ex-JWs misuse this term. I am not one of them. I think you use it correctly, even if your take on the science being somehow less valid than other areas of psychology is simply not true. Where I mostly differ with you, is in the black and white approach you are taking to when this dissonance is experienced. It is not "one and done". It is ongoing, (usually in the subconscious), and at times becomes acute, when evidence is directly presented to the conscious mind.

  d4g
  
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  41

  The elders of the 1980s are now in their 60s and 70s

  by truthseeker in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  having just come back from the uk and spoke with some witnesses to find out how my old congregation is doing, i realized i am now the age that my elders were when i was a kid.

  and i wonder what the elders who are now in their 60s and 70s are thinking when they look in the mirror and an old face looks back at them.

  many of the elders in my old hall are now retired.

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  done4good

  ToesUp - I always found these type of statements disturbing. Sometimes I think of 9/11 when all those innocent people lost their lives. Their families lost their loved ones. Then I think of statements like the one made above. Can you imagine someone watching those buildings collapse having those same thoughts as stated above? Very sick indeed!

  I heard many shortsighted and cold comments from JWs concerning 9/11 almost immediately after it happened, and for the next several months. I think this played a big part in helping me wake up then.

  d4g
  
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  35

  Cognitive Dissonance

  by LexIsFree in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  the cognitive dissonance amongst jws has never been more obvious to me then what i just experience in the last 5 min.

  long story short i had a phone conversation w/my mom about some things and i mentioned to her to look up what has been going on with their beloved organization in australia.

  brother geoffrey jackson of the holy governing body was caught lying numerous times about several subjects including disassociations & shunning.

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  done4good

  CalebInFlorida-In the end, once denial is chosen there is no more dissonance as denial is a solution which brings relief.

  Yes, but an effort to avoid cognitive dissonance drives that denial decision. At some tacit level, the mental stress becomes unbearable and forces them to shut down, and go into that denial. A person not experiencing such pain would much more readily accept the dis-confirming information and simply adjust their thinking. The problem is, in order to do that, the whole belief system needs to go with it, and that they won't do. Very deep, (and usually existential), fears force the decision of maintaining belief and going into denial, once the cognitive dissonance brings that mental stress to their attention.

  Cognitive dissonance is deeply ingrained in human evolution. Animals flee potential danger, even if a more rational view of the potential threat meant that not running away would be safe. Animals don't reason, they react. This helps ensure survival of the species. Humans have evolved a conscience, that allows them to make rational and/or moral decisions when the evidence calls for it. When that evidence presents itself, (such as a person's religious views as being false), a strong, (however tacit), fear is usually experienced. This happens precisely because the new evidence is recognized as likely valid, and poses a threat to their beliefs. This is cognitive dissonance, and represents a mentally unstable state for a person to remain in. The fear is usually too powerful for them to overcome, so as such they go into shutdown/denial mode.

  The mental gymnastics described in the OP is what people will go through to justify their shortsighted decision to forego the cognitive dissonance, and investigate further. This causes long-term mental health effects in of itself, as has been pointed out.
  

  d4g
  
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  59

  Introducing Myself

  by Peony in

  1. jw
  2. experiences

  i've finally got round to joining the site (after over 2 years lurking!

  i was born into jws, pioneered for 10 years (met my husband at pioneer school).

  had health issues that saw me catapulted away from 'the centre of the cong' and wow what a different place that was!

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  done4good

  Welcome, Peony. Great story!

  d4g