I have been a lurker for quite some time now (3 years maybe), and I vist the site a few times every couple of months. However, a situation has presented itself and I need to talk to someone. My "story" from 3 years ago is posted on http://www.jwfiles.com/jws-leaving/paul.html for some background info (I'm 26 now).
So here's the deal: I'm going to be a daddy. After leaving the organization (by simply becoming inactive), and dodging this bullet for 3 years, my supposed "life of sin" has caught up with me. The woman is someone who I've known and dated for 3 years, but who is now my ex-girlfriend (yes, yes, stupid me for sleeping with her after we "broke up", but I'm sure some of you know how that goes). This is just the kind of situation I wanted others to know about: Previously outstanding Brother gets "corrupted" by apostates, stops going to meetings but not DF'd, moves to another city with non-jw girlfriend, gets now non-jw ex-girlfriend pregnant 3 years later, goes home to face the music and receive "I told you so" remarks from family and well respected JW father who happens to be an Elder. Great, eh?
I'm sitting here thinking of the different scenarios that could play themselves out. I figure since I'm not in the home, he can't be forced to step down. So that's a good thing. But, here's the kicker: What are the chances that I can be DF'd since I'm still baptised, even though I've been inactive for 3 years? Right now I'm lucky I can still have a decent relationship with my family considering I don't believe in the organization any more. Rather than condemn me, my father has chosen to subscribe to the idea that I've tempoarily lost my way, or "drifted" from the Truth (even though he knows I don't believe the WTBS is God's true organization and will never go to another meeting in my life). However, now we're going a step further and admitting fornication (as if he thought I was a 26 year old virgin), along with having a child out of wedlock. I'm thinking this could be the straw that breaks the camel's back. Let's just suppose that my immediate family chose not to say anything to my aunts, cousins, uncles, etc. (rather improbable) Eventually, fate will put myself, my kid, and another JW friend of the family into the same room while visiting my parents house. Considering that my father is one of the Jaffa (anyone get that reference?), I think that in his eyes he will be forced to decide between his "loyalty to Jehovah" or his son. What do you think the chances may be that I could get DF'd after being away for so long? The man is already stressed financially as it is, he's getting up there in years, and I hate to unload this kind of news on him. My mother still has dreams of me dying at Armageddon for crying out loud, and shes' always pleading with me (although lately she's been mroe subtle with it) to "come back". I can't imagine my kid growing up not knowing his grandparents, cousins, aunts, etc., because of something like this. That would really suck.
I'd feel terrible not telling my parents I have a child, period. Hell, one day it will come out and things would probably be worse. I've thought about allowing my ex to raise the child by herself (which she offered to do in the beginning), but I'd feel like a total a$$ for not helping to raise my kid, even if we're not going to be together. We even entertained the idea of termination since she's only 4 1/2 weeks, but she's been through that before and I feel it would push her over the edge into deep depression and suicidal tendencies (would probably be an emotional wreck for years to come). FYI - There are other reasons we've considered termination, not just because of my issues alone. For the time being, however, we've decided to just face the music. She will raise the child, and I'll help her, but we won't do something like live together or get married just because she's pregnant. I'm not going to stay in a loveless relationship that involves a child. We'd be doing more harm than good. Right now we figure it's better to just be friends, have seperate relationships, but keep me involved so that the kid has a father figure, even if I can't do it full-time.
I'm not sure what other options I have at this point. We both weren't ready for this, but who is. Let this be a reminder to everyone not to continue sleeping with ex's because the sex is good (even if it's sometimes downright unbelievable). We used the "no sex when she's on the clock" method for 3 years, but this time our timing was off. It's not fair and sends mixed signals to both people, and it only get's worse when a child comes out of a relationship based on merely sexual impulses.
So ff you see a man and woman walking down the street wearing dunce caps and pushing a stroller, it's probably us. Take heed...
Thanks for listening...
