It might seem to be a contradiction, but it's really just two sides to the same coin.
The culture of the JWs is one without social boundaries, so sometimes attempts to fade are met with an immediate inquisition. If someone just wanted to leave quietly that can feel very threatening and intrusive.
It's also a culture of situational friendships, so it can be shocking when people who you thought were friends are willing to cut you off without even a conversation about it. It can and does feel very hurtful, as if they never valued you for yourself.
It's also possible for both things to happen to the same person, the elders mounting an abusive and overbearing campaign to get you back, while friends drop you like a hot potato. I guess the ideal would be if people expressed concern, but backed off when the individual says they are fine, but it's a cult so that's not going to happen.