seriously makes me believe that everything I see/do/say is wrong. And it is like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde it just come out. It’s really quite a big drag that keeps me from moving forward in a positive way.
That's the cult mind control kicking in. The JWs have implanted the idea that only they have "the truth" and everything else is wrong and evil, and that doesn't automatically go away because you now realize they were wrong, and even though you know intellectually that it's not logical. It does get better with time and as you expose yourself to different beliefs systems and as you learn more about cults work. I highly recommend the book Combating Cult Mind Control by Steve Hassan.
But for myself there is a certain part of my personality that needs a spiritual belief not like the witnesses in any way, but something to meditate on, and contemplate.
That's understandable and I think a lot of people feel that way. There is certainly nothing wrong with seeking the spiritual. For some people that is a religion and if that is your inclination there are some better churches out there. I like the United Church of Christ (the United part is important, there is a Church of Christ also that is not at all the same). They have no doctrine, which works if you aren't ready to declare a belief in traditional church ideology. They are quite liberal, so not for those who are against homosexuality, for example, but they are very warm and welcoming and do a lot of charitable work which I like. There are other good churches out there, you just have to look and keep an open mind and find one that works for you. Everything is going to seem weird and different at first, you just have to give it a chance. The JW's study with people for at least six months before they get baptized, because they know it takes time for people to adjust to their way of thinking, and it takes just as long on the other end, if not longer.
In the end I chose to just go it alone, as I just couldn't believe in the God of the bible anymore. I still feel spiritual, it's just that it is a more loosely defined spirituality. If I had to name it I guess I am a humanist, but I don't care much for labels.
I am sure you will figure out where you need to be also, I wish you well on your spiritual journey.