Posts by OnTheWayOut

20

Dealing with Loneliness and Social Anxiety

by NoviceLocs14 in

hello, this is my 1st initiated post on this site, so i'm a bit nervous.

i did search for similar topics on this site, but a lot of them have been inactive for several years, so here goes.... a little background, i was pretty much born in "da twoof", baptized at 17, pioneered for about 6 years, was part of the rbc part time, and was even in the foreign language field for the last 3 years i was a jw.

so i pretty much had a pretty active social life within the organization due to being part of all of those things.

OnTheWayOut

I don't know where you live, but I do know that in these United States and in other places, there are wonderful groups of ex-JW's that meet semi-regularly or occasionally. Let me briefly tell you why that has been my way of finding people to hang out with, be tight with.

I am an alcoholic. But I stopped drinking for "Jehovah" back in 1988. When I came outta the religion, I fell off the wagon a little bit. Still, I don't relate to the people at Alcoholics Anonymous. They focus on that avoiding drinking thing being the Number 1 aspect of their lives. But hey, I got back on the wagon and that is not my Number 1 problem. Yet my coworkers are heavy social drinkers- not necessarily problem drinkers, but I still feel a wee bit uncomfortable around them.

If I found a group of hobbyists or enthusiasts who share an interest, that would be fine. But I knew for the first several years out of that religion that I felt awkward around people when discussing my philosophies and what I have been doing. Some ex-JW's can do it well, others cannot.

But I found other ex-JW's through meetupdotcom and I found friends on this forum. I have been traveling to Tahoe every July to meet up with the group that does a weekend in the woods. Others here get me, I get them. No deep explanations are necessary, but long discussions are welcome.

I am sure there are endless numbers of songs that can summarize how we are all milling about in close proximity to each other and feeling all alone at the same time. We ought to get together.

34

Physically In, Mentally Out

by James Jack in

7 years ago i was this "ultra spiritual elder".

you name it, i was visible all over the region.

i was the coordinator, on the convention committee, rbc, had a talk at every convention and assembly, regular pioneer, etc.

OnTheWayOut

I was a physically in, mentally out elder. First thing I did was resign as an elder. If I was going to fade for family's sake, I had to get rid of that hindrance. Well, they did that for you.

Others have mentioned apologizing, getting things right with your son. Do that if you have not. Never let this religion be the cause of family divisions.

As for the rest of your "spiritual journey," I believe that each person must find their own way. See where your reading selection and movies and videos take you.

41

What woke you up?

by MrRoboto in

for me, i think it was just the right time as i was starting to wake up on other fronts as well (anyone who had went through these will know what i mean).

but it started when i was looking for what info goes on a publisher card, which led to me reading one person's story (ex bethelite) which was pretty crazy to an all-in jw but who trusts those apostates...?.

then i started watching videos on cults, as if my subconscious was trying to tell my concord mind something... when i saw a particular one about a young man in lds getting ready to start their 2 year preaching campaign, including a school, social activities etc, i realized that i couldn't tell the difference between the folks of this mormon cult and the jws (save for some religious differences) .

OnTheWayOut

I was fully "in" - a real company man who would support the organization, with one huge exception: when I was appointed elder, I saw the way elders did so much to keep their families out of trouble. I decided to apply that to everyone. I did my best to get people out of trouble. I squashed investigations by telling members things like, "If you just deny this accusation, we have no reason to form a judicial committee." I told members that if they straightened things out with Jehovah, they did not need to tell the elders everything.

I developed a skill at finding things on my Watchtower Library and that worked its way into being good finding things on "Google" and its predecessors. A series of events that really caused me to see the double standards more clearly- such as how elders could be "guilty" of things that would simply be overlooked where anyone else must undergo a JC and some kind of "discipline" - made me ask myself why I don't simply Google "Jehovah's Witnesses" and go wherever it takes me.

So I did that and immediately felt relieved that it wasn't just me that had problems and I felt depressed at the same time about all the years I wasted. I started a quick fade. Here I am.

23

What are the chances of getting another Raymond Franz default from head office ?

by Chook in

all regimes get defectors and some are more vocal than others..

OnTheWayOut

There is the slightest chance. Here's what I hope for-

A publisher or someone connected in Hollywood to stuff like the latest Scientology-revealing documentaries comes along and offers one of the Governing Body members a decent amount of coin to reveal "the truth about The Truth." The particular person he approaches has been feeling guilty for quite awhile about his doubts or has just left a meeting where he doesn't like the decisions and directions that are coming down the pipeline.

Otherwise, there are no serious researchers among the latest batch- evidenced by what nonsense they are putting onto video. As whacked as Fred Franz was, the man knew quite a bit about what was in the Bible and how to be creative with it. Raymond was a serious researcher/writer. His books would probably still have more impact than anything the likes of Tony Morris or Samuel Herd or the others would write.

32

DA myself to relieve great pressure?

by Isambard Crater in

jw
friends

my lifelong mental illnesses, fuelled significantly by the borg, are very bad at the moment and result in me missing lots of midweek meetings, but i haven't missed a sunday in years except the occasional vacation.. the nature of my mental and emotional illnesses mean that i, as a physically in and mentally out pimo, take to heart very painfully admonishment from the platform to never miss meetings, preach all i can, and so on.. okay, i report 3 hours each month on average and no elder has ever said anything, but when they make comments on the platform, i feel such great guilt and shame, but also anger, as they do not understand my illnesses and when i do mention my situation to elders, they kind of minimise and joke about it.. some other sisters in my congregation started "officially" not attending midweek meetings a few year's ago because of their own health circumstances, but i know for a fact that some elders look down on them for this reason, not showing real understanding deep down even if they do on the surface.. i have reached the point where i want to hand in a da letter as a cry for help, or more like a clear indicator to them that when i say i'm not well enough to attend midweek, i really mean it and it's not just an excuse.

sure, i'm only 42, but i can still be too fragile to go out at night with a 30 minute drive both ways..

OnTheWayOut

Isambard Crater
I already realised it's not the truth in 2014 and have been stumbling on for family reasons only since then.

I would assume that it would be easier with family that you are not DA/DF'ed.

steve2
It looks like at a very profound level, you are longing for the elders to "get" what you are going through and to say to you: "We understand; we'll go easy on you. How can we help?"

Wouldn't it be so healing for you if they did say that!

Isambard Crater
I guess I will console myself knowing that I'm aware of four other Sisters, one who is an elder's wife, who haven't attended a Midweek meeting for over 3 years.

Truly, the elders only have the power we give them. Go back to page 2 and read Steve2's answer again. Regardless of whether you DA or not, I would suggest that you focus on how the elders are unskilled at anything psychological or concerning actual counsel and only know "DO MORE (Meetings, Prayer, Recruiting, Volunteering for the organization, donating money, personal study)!!!"

If the decision (for family reasons) were to not DA, I would learn to tell the elders off in the firmest way to push them away- "I am fine, I will call you if I need you. Apparently, a man is still spiritually qualified if his wife misses all the midweek meetings, so perhaps I am still spiritual enough. And since you seem to disagree with me, I will not be used for any meeting parts at all."

Personal counseling would be great. For their own reasons, typically financial, many never get that. I hope you do.

38

Who is benefiting from Watchtower Corporation financially

by John Davis in

who do you believe is financially benefiting from watchtower business dealings.

i know about the gold apple watch, but that is only a small percentage of the billions that they have.

so who do you think is keeping all of this money.

OnTheWayOut

The Governing Body and many important-feeling upper level Watchtower men, just like all the full-time servants, were lower middle level pioneers or others who slaved for not much personal gain (if any).

So they worked their way to the top. They had a choice to accept the green handshakes, first class travel, hotels, restaurants while traveling, a slightly better apartment while not traveling- which is changed now that they have built new quarters that include more of the higher end luxuries than Brooklyn had.

But in all the history, the same people of power who accept SOME benefits, because it was a huge step up from slaving, have steered money to JW businesses. There were paper, ink, technology, furniture, construction corporations. There were plenty of lawyers and accountants and realtors.

So the trade off for the people getting money was that they had to kiss the asses of the Governing Body and/or others that steer the money toward them.

28

Have You Ever Found Yourself Really Not Liking Someone Here?

by minimus in

jw
friends

i've been on this board for years.

99% of the posters here i do not personally know.

a few, maybe not so much...lol..... do posters here get you upset to the point that you really don't like them?

OnTheWayOut

OMFG, there have been so many......(well, to be fair, one person was several of them).
I don't pick too many fights these days with those that are pushing their own agendas, but I have in the past. Most of the ridiculous ones have been banned and if they came back, they have been low key.

30

"...You will be Disfellowshipped for 7 years"

by HereIgo in

shortly before i left the "troof" a co had given a talk during his visit.

at the time there was a scandal going on in the congregation where 2 couples basically swapped spouses with each other.

it was quite the scandal.

OnTheWayOut

Half banana: Now don't get me wrong, I'm all in favour of wife swapping...

If everyone is on-board, no harm no foul, eh?

30

"...You will be Disfellowshipped for 7 years"

by HereIgo in

shortly before i left the "troof" a co had given a talk during his visit.

at the time there was a scandal going on in the congregation where 2 couples basically swapped spouses with each other.

it was quite the scandal.

OnTheWayOut

The 7 years is a minimum that comes from the cult leaders, not the C.O.. they really are not supposed to say the number, but just mention "a long time" because the sinner definitely knew better and might just be scheming to have his/her divorce and a short DF then reinstatement.

23

Should a JW accept Veteran payments?

by Tantalon in

hello people,.

i was born in but long time faded.

i think i hold current jws to a higher standard than they now maintain.. here's the thing; my father is very old, in his nineties and been a jdub for over 60 years and even made it to elder till he got too old.on a recent visit my siblings and dad were saying how wonderful that veterans affairs were.

OnTheWayOut

"No part of the world" has nothing to do with the person being "of the world" before becoming a JW.

I get what you are asking, not so much about the person receiving needed benefits that he earned, but more about not even considering walking away from it and even being a bit proud of his service.

It's a tough juggling act, this cognitive dissonance. I am sure it has crossed many veterans' minds when they became JW's.

I am one of them. But I didn't get shot at or hurt in the military. I have no real benefits coming beyond the NOTHING DOWN mortgage and I would qualify for medical benefits if I didn't earn much money. All I can say is that were I still a believer, I would take what I deserved and be "quiet" about it to other JW's so as not to "stumble" them.