Posts by limitless

50

in love with a very confused jw

by limitless in

hi guys,.

this is a fairly long story, so bear with me.... twelve years ago i dated a jw man briefly in new york.

we got along really well, but he stopped calling.

limitless

guys-

thanks so much for the good wishes and the good advice. i thought everyone forgot about me...nobody wrote yesterday...

you know, we hadn't spoken for over three and a half weeks. i text-messaged him yesterday and received a reply today...very matter of fact.

i was so hurt when he made his big statement (not being able to reconcile jehovah and i in his future). i think my being so angry and hurt (more hurt than angry), and less than understanding, pushed him into a place where he shut down.

i don't even know if he's willing to talk to me. i think he's scared. he knows that he caused this situation and my feelings. not only can he not deal with my feelings, but if he speaks to me than he has to deal with his own in relation to mine...know what i mean? so, i think it's easier for him to try to pretend i don't exist. whether or not he's doing a great job of that, who knows. we can only know what people tell us. and he's not telling me anything.

regardless, i am going to send him a copy of COC, and cross my fingers that he'll read it.

a couple of things that he said when we were ending that just sound crazy to me...

" i love everything about you. there is nothing i would change, except for this" - but he always said that he wouldn't want me to change my beliefs for him so i don't think he was trying to convert me.

"it's just that i was so happy and everything felt so good, that i just wasn't thinking" - can you imagine? as if being happy and feeling good is an issue.

"you could never be a witness...this is a submissive organization, you have a problem with authority, you're too independent, and you like to ask a lot of questions" - i can't fathom saying this and thinking it's a healthy statement.

people- my heart is broken, i am really sad, but i would like to let you all know that i feel so much better getting all of your advice. you are doing good things here. helping people.

peace.

50

in love with a very confused jw

by limitless in

hi guys,.

this is a fairly long story, so bear with me.... twelve years ago i dated a jw man briefly in new york.

we got along really well, but he stopped calling.

limitless

by the way...

i would give up paradise on earth to live with him in this one...

50

in love with a very confused jw

by limitless in

hi guys,.

this is a fairly long story, so bear with me.... twelve years ago i dated a jw man briefly in new york.

we got along really well, but he stopped calling.

limitless

berean2 and earthtone-

thanks for the thoughts...

the problem is that i do know he thinks that he is making a choice between god and i...and he chose god.

he was impossible to speak with regarding religion. he always felt 'attacked' by me, but it was he who was attacking. he has a big problem with the fact that i don't need to know what created me. my thoughts are that i will never know until it is smacked up against my face (and that may never happen). i am just concerned with being the best human that i can be...and not because i am afraid of eternal damnation or because i'm trying to kiss butt to some god. it's because, at the end of the day, it feels like the right thing to do.

this is not good enough for him.

yes, it has been over 3 weeks since we have spoken. it seems to me, it you really loved someone, you would be worried about how they are doing, no?

i am in love with this man, and i am pissed. as if jehovah, if he exists, is worried about my man loving, and being loved.

earthtone- what changed for you? why did you stop giving up good people for your religion? what clicked?

50

in love with a very confused jw

by limitless in

hi guys,.

this is a fairly long story, so bear with me.... twelve years ago i dated a jw man briefly in new york.

we got along really well, but he stopped calling.

limitless

the biggest sale

i dated him years ago back in harlem, it was short and it was sweet

wouldn't have remembered him if asked about my past

eleven years later he shows up selling himself

job with oppenheimer, poetry writer

smooth black skin, a smile that reels you in

says all the right things, more than right

things that have you grinning, squealing in delight

talks about your future, you're believing it all

i mean, why would a man find you after eleven years and counting, love you, get you to love him for nothing at all

so he flatters you on all levels from your hair to your home

has you thinking your important, that he loves you to the bone

says he's lucky to have you, has never felt that before

but it seems we now have a problem, it's jehovah or the door

i don't care if you're good. i don't care if you're honest.

empathy, humor, intelligence, what's that?

i need bible readers, bulls@#$ talkers, people who speak, but don't follow through

goodness-no, no i don't need you

i know i said i was happy and talked a big game

i was bored, you were single, but we-we are not the same

so i, i was swindled and misled

lied to and groped

bought what he was selling

floated on hope

and landed in his field of emptiness

he got the sale

and i got nothing.

50

in love with a very confused jw

by limitless in

hi guys,.

this is a fairly long story, so bear with me.... twelve years ago i dated a jw man briefly in new york.

we got along really well, but he stopped calling.

limitless

sorry about the hard read...

50

in love with a very confused jw

by limitless in

hi guys,.

this is a fairly long story, so bear with me.... twelve years ago i dated a jw man briefly in new york.

we got along really well, but he stopped calling.

limitless

guys, keep throwing the advice at me :) i need it. jgnat- i agree with you. i don't think that any of this was malicious. but, it doesn't make it hurt any less. the man is of two minds and i truly wonder if he even wants to go back. i think that being involved with me was just too much truth for him. he would often look at me and say...it amazes me that you are who you are without religion in your life. i know that he has been taught that all of us 'wordly people' are supposed to me of immoral standing. i think it was hard for him to be with someone that was 'worldly' but not immoral. and he thinks i'm this wonderful person. it has to be difficult to be in love with someone and think they are amazing and yet, they aren't even a jehovah witness. and then he would need to ask himself how in the world could he fall in love with a non-witness. it's all pretty hypocritical. anyway...i wrote him a poem, read it on his machine, and now haven't spoken to him in three weeks...i'm sure he's not thrilled...would like your opinion... the biggest sale i dated him years ago back in harlem it was short and it was sweet wouldn't have remembered him if asked about my past eleven years later he shows up selling himself job with oppenheimer, poetry writer smooth black skin, a smile that reels you in says all the right things, more than right things that have you grinning, squealing in delight talks about your future you're believing it all i mean, why would a man find you after 11 years and counting love you, get you to love him, for nothing at all so he flatters you on all levels from your hair to your home has you thinking you're important that he loves you to the bone says he's lucky to have you has never felt that before but it seems we now have a problem it's jehovah or the door i don't care if you're good i don't care if you're honest empathy, humor, intelligence what's that? i need bible readers bulls@#$ talkers people who speak, but don't follow through goodness- no, no, i don't need you i know i said i was happy and talked a big game i was bored, you were single but we, we are not the same so i, i was swindled and misled lied to and groped bought what he was selling floated on hope and landed in his field of emptiness he got the sale and i got nothing.

50

in love with a very confused jw

by limitless in

hi guys,.

this is a fairly long story, so bear with me.... twelve years ago i dated a jw man briefly in new york.

we got along really well, but he stopped calling.

limitless

narkissos-

thanks for the support.

what is so incredibly frustrating about this whole experience is two things...1- he completely misrepresented himself. i am who i am the day you meet me, 5 years later, 10 years later, etc. my core doesn't suddenly change. but it seems that so many people are so very good at acting.

and 2- at the end of the day, it doesn't matter how good you are. it doesn't matter how much somebody loves you. what matters is what sub-category you fall into...what you call your god, what color you are...this sickens me. what happened to the base, people? why is everyone drowning in the details?

50

in love with a very confused jw

by limitless in

hi guys,.

this is a fairly long story, so bear with me.... twelve years ago i dated a jw man briefly in new york.

we got along really well, but he stopped calling.

limitless

jw daughter-

during the year that we were talking, i know that i made my beliefs clear. it is hard for anyone who knows me to not know what i think. he, on the other hand, just kept quiet. i assumed that he had beliefs similar to mine because he never questioned me...

it wasn't until after we started dating, that suddenly his beliefs came into play. and even then, i had to push for conversations about religion.

this man had me completely fooled. he had me thinking that he loved me so much, that i was so important... i really thought that whatever the struggle was, he would work it out.

also...when he could have made it clear what his beliefs were, he never did. when my mom asked him what he was doing for christmas, he never said he didn't celebrate christmas. when he talked about not going to college, he never mentioned that it was mainly to do with his beliefs. it's like he kept it all hidden...

i have done a lot of research on the jws in the last month, even read the book crisis of conscience. do you think if i send him that book he'll read it?

thanks for the help.

50

in love with a very confused jw

by limitless in

hi guys,.

this is a fairly long story, so bear with me.... twelve years ago i dated a jw man briefly in new york.

we got along really well, but he stopped calling.

limitless

hey linda-

thanks for the info...he is in no way trying to get reinstated at this particular time, but says he has plans to in the 'near' future.

isn't 6 years a long time to be away from something that you truly believe in? he says he's a 100% sure he wants to be a witness again. but i say, if you're 100% sure about something, you do it. if i'm a 100% sure i want to be a doctor, i enroll my butt in medical school. if he is so sure this is what he wants, then why isn't he doing it?

if he dies tomorrow, he's screwed, as far as his religion is concerned.

he is so obviously confused. if he knew who he was we would either have never dated in the first place or would be going strong right now.

why all of the effort to find me, fall in love with me, get me to love him...blah, blah, blah.....?

50

in love with a very confused jw

by limitless in

hi guys,.

this is a fairly long story, so bear with me.... twelve years ago i dated a jw man briefly in new york.

we got along really well, but he stopped calling.

limitless

hi guys,

this is a fairly long story, so bear with me...

twelve years ago i dated a jw man briefly in new york. we got along really well, but he stopped calling. at the time it wasn't a big deal because i was dating other men and was about to move back to minnesota. anyway, if you had asked me about my past i would not have remembered him.

eleven years later, he hunts me down on a yahoo people search. apparently he had thought about me off and on for the last eleven years and had decided to find me.

for a year we talked on the phone (i had a boyfriend and he was with someone also). we got along like best friends and talked for hours every other day. anyway, he had been broken up for some time with his girl and i was just going through a break-up. so he suggested that i go to dc to see him. i did.

so for the next four months every two weeks he would come here or i would go there. we spoke constantly throughout the day and i was really very happy.

it was like a little fairy tale. i never believed in this word, soul mate, but thought i had found mine. we are basically the same people, except for...

the last couple of months he started bringing up 'jehovah'. now the year that we were talking we never even had a conversation about jehovah. i assumed that he was no longer involved with the jws and didn't know much about them to ask anyway. i mean, if something is important to you, you bring it up, right? whether it is a friend, girlfriend, whatever...

he would talk about wanting a future together, things like...i daydream about us growing old together. but then he would say, but i also daydreamed about serving jehovah with my wife. i started to see that this was an issue for him that he seemed to be struggling with. i told him that he needed to figure out what he wanted. i mean everything that he loves about me (my independence, critical thinking, etc.) can't exist in this 'future' he is designing for himself.

i feel betrayed because the man finds me after 11 years, in the year we spoke he never mentioned his religion, he falls in love with me, begs me to love him and when i do he basically says that he can't reconcile these two things in his future -me and jehovah.

i am a believer of all things. i believe that we should be judged on the quality of our souls and our intentions, not what religious product we choose. he would say that he wants to spend his life serving jehovah and i would say that i want to spend my life serving the universe...doing good things for people, being a good person. at the end of the day we want the same things, but we call them by different names.

a little background...he is 33 and was born into this religion. his mother is a jw, his sister a missionary. he was disfellowshipped 6 years ago and is certainly not living the life of a jw. at this point, i am a better jw than he is. he is extremely stuck between who he is, which is beautiful, and who he thinks he 'should' be.

when he told me that he couldn't 'reconcile' these two things in his future, he wasn't breaking up with me. he was trying to be honest with me. i am the one who said...than what the hell are we doing together?

i know that he loves me and thinks i am fantastic...why can't he find a way for both, why did this man find me after all this time...i wasn't a jw then why would i be one now?

i haven't talked to him for three weeks now. i wrote a poem for him and he was pissed. what makes me so angry is that HE'S ANGRY. he thinks that i am not being empathetic to his feelings, that he is really hurt, and that he doesn't really have a choice. what about me? he found me, drove this entire relationship, and destroyed it.

thanks for listening.

limitless