It's kind of funny. That movie, The Matrix, was the first movie I watched when I started falling away from the org. It was completely by accident too. I was living with my wife in Tijuana, MX, and she had just gone on vacation to see her mom in Chiapas. She made these trips twice a year and usually stayed for a month at a time. I loved and hated her trips. I loved them because I had time to myself. When she was home, family and friends were dropping by all day long. I like visits, but not unannounced and definitely not ones that last all day long. But of course I hated her trips too, because I missed her a lot. I hated to go to the kingdom hall by myself and she took care of so many little things around the house that I just didn't feel right when she wasn't around. She left on Saturday evening and I didn't go to the hall that Sunday. The guild from not going made me feel like crap and so by the time Wednesday came around, I didn't come home from work. I was working in Southern Cal and a round trip drive from home to work was just over 200 miles. So, since she wasn't there anyway, I got a hotel room and bought a pack of cigarettes. I hadn't smoked for quite a long time, and I'm not really sure why the temptation was so strong. But, there I sat, resting on the bed in my motel, smoking my lungs out and watching TV.
That's when The Matrix came on HBO. It would have been the first Wednesday of May, 2000. I watched it but I don't know if I consciously understood what I was seeing. I don't think I connected or realized that I had connected at that point. But, from that pack of cigarettes, from that night in the motel room (by myself), and from that disobedient night watching R-rated movies, began my falling away from the org. I think I may have tried to quit smoking again after that. Probably many times, but for the most part, that was my secret sin until I quit attending altogether.