Tiktaalik,
You are not interested in a new Jesus book, clearly. I get where you're coming from. Maybe your darkness hasn't been unbearable, maybe I'm a weaker spirit than you are. I would read another Jesus book--though I, too, have no patience for fiction.
Some good teaching has been attributed to the man called Jesus. We humans have come from mud and from darkness, not the light. Brutal beginnings. I hear in some of the written Jesus stories--not only the gospels-- and feel as I try to put into practice some of the good things Jesus taught--that this was a man who made an advance out of darkness that helps me along. I am glad for what I learned about Jesus.
I want the truth of who he was-- hard to get that from fan clubs. Good scholarship is best.
As far being afraid of the dark? It's not the dark I'm afraid of --just what is in it.
Maeve