Of course it might be not completely fair for me to say this, but I cannot help but wonder what kind of marriage it is if you have to lie to your wife. I would not consider that a happy marriage.
I know people have to lie to keep the peace when it comes to JW stuff, but it sounds like, based on some of the other posters, that you have already told your wife how you feel.
Sure, she will be sad, but I would think the both of you will be much sadder if you continue to live a lie. I would think if it were me, I would want to know how my husband truly feels.
Unless she is a super crappy wife (sorry to say that but if you do not care about the feelings of your husband then you are a crappy wife).
In which case why would you want to preserve that relationship?
I started all over and my current family, my real family, is totally different from my original family. It was the scariest thing I did to put my trust in new people when I was so deeply betrayed by the people who I believed would always be there for me. But the blessings have been tremendous and ongoing. It is so totally worth it, in the end.
In addition, I have an excellent relationship with my sister, who has also left; a pretty good one with my brother, who is disfellowshipped (I am faded and my sister never got baptized). I have another sister who basically shuns me though time has gone a long way to heal the bad feelings between us, in addition to my apologizing for having hurt her (the key words were "I am sorry I have hurt you," NOT "I am sorry I did something wrong." Because I did not do anything wrong, and we here who know the truth about The Truth know that!). I can call her and she will talk to me. She never calls me. But I am basically accepting of that, except for an occasional bad time or day about it here and there. I just have my cry and move on with the acceptance thing. It is human nature to miss the ones you love, but if you have to be someone you are not simply to get their love than it is simply not worth it, in my opinion.
My mom and dad hardly call me - we live very far away from each other and I visit them about once a year but they do not visit me. They said they will visit me when I get married (though they will not be at the wedding). I can call them whenever I want though it is better if I do not call more than once a week.
Waffles, I know how you feel. It has been three years for me and I am finally seeing the light on the other side of the tunnel. You can get to a much better place. The only life worth living is an authentic one!
Oompa, be strong, be a man. You can do this.
~Rachel
