Thanks I like all those ideas. :) I will check out this coursera, I also do khan academy which teaches college level subjects and some computer programming for free and its actually kind of fun.
BlackWolf
JoinedPosts by BlackWolf
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73
Im sick of my life
by BlackWolf insorry but i really feel like i need to rant right now.
recently my dad was made an elder so my family has been doing a lot more "theocratic" activities lately.
every morning i wake up and put on my itchy dress and stupid makeup and heels and then pretend that i love what i'm doing and that everybody is my friend when in reality i feel horrible and all the other teenage girls at my hall hate me for some reason.
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73
Im sick of my life
by BlackWolf insorry but i really feel like i need to rant right now.
recently my dad was made an elder so my family has been doing a lot more "theocratic" activities lately.
every morning i wake up and put on my itchy dress and stupid makeup and heels and then pretend that i love what i'm doing and that everybody is my friend when in reality i feel horrible and all the other teenage girls at my hall hate me for some reason.
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BlackWolf
Thanks everybody for your advice. :) I know going back to public school would probably help me but its simply not possible. I tried high school for a few months but my parents took me out for having too many "worldly" friends. They aren't ever going to let me go back. About a year ago ( after they took me out of school) I had a major mental breakdown and spent several months in a eating disorder clinic and went to the mental hospital a few times for self harming. Since then my parents don't really trust me anymore. :( -
73
Im sick of my life
by BlackWolf insorry but i really feel like i need to rant right now.
recently my dad was made an elder so my family has been doing a lot more "theocratic" activities lately.
every morning i wake up and put on my itchy dress and stupid makeup and heels and then pretend that i love what i'm doing and that everybody is my friend when in reality i feel horrible and all the other teenage girls at my hall hate me for some reason.
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BlackWolf
I appreciate everyone's comments. I do think she really wants me to be baptized mainly because of appearances, because everyone else my age (16) is baptized at my hall. My little sister got baptized when she was 11. I think she knows deep down that I'm not very enthusiastic about jw things but probably just wants me to be baptized so other people will still think of my family as being "strong in the truth" and to avoid suspicion. People tend to gossip a lot in my congregation so I have to be careful. -
73
Im sick of my life
by BlackWolf insorry but i really feel like i need to rant right now.
recently my dad was made an elder so my family has been doing a lot more "theocratic" activities lately.
every morning i wake up and put on my itchy dress and stupid makeup and heels and then pretend that i love what i'm doing and that everybody is my friend when in reality i feel horrible and all the other teenage girls at my hall hate me for some reason.
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BlackWolf
Thank you everybody. I know I'm just going to have to stick it out until I'm 18 but my biggest problem right now is the pressure to get baptized. I've told my mom I'm not ready yet but she bothers me about it constantly. I'm starting to run out of excuses. -
73
Im sick of my life
by BlackWolf insorry but i really feel like i need to rant right now.
recently my dad was made an elder so my family has been doing a lot more "theocratic" activities lately.
every morning i wake up and put on my itchy dress and stupid makeup and heels and then pretend that i love what i'm doing and that everybody is my friend when in reality i feel horrible and all the other teenage girls at my hall hate me for some reason.
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BlackWolf
Thanks everybody for the advice. Pete zahut i like the letter idea, I might do it sometime if I build up the courage. -
73
Im sick of my life
by BlackWolf insorry but i really feel like i need to rant right now.
recently my dad was made an elder so my family has been doing a lot more "theocratic" activities lately.
every morning i wake up and put on my itchy dress and stupid makeup and heels and then pretend that i love what i'm doing and that everybody is my friend when in reality i feel horrible and all the other teenage girls at my hall hate me for some reason.
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BlackWolf
Mostly I fear disappointing my parents because we've always been close and their all I've got but hopefully one day they will wake up and we can all be happy again. The watchtower can't last forever, at least that's what I'm going to tell myself. -
73
Im sick of my life
by BlackWolf insorry but i really feel like i need to rant right now.
recently my dad was made an elder so my family has been doing a lot more "theocratic" activities lately.
every morning i wake up and put on my itchy dress and stupid makeup and heels and then pretend that i love what i'm doing and that everybody is my friend when in reality i feel horrible and all the other teenage girls at my hall hate me for some reason.
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BlackWolf
Thank you all for your kind comments. I'm not going back to public school even though I would like to because I'm already mostly done with my homeschool program but hopefully after that I can take some college classes or something. -
73
Im sick of my life
by BlackWolf insorry but i really feel like i need to rant right now.
recently my dad was made an elder so my family has been doing a lot more "theocratic" activities lately.
every morning i wake up and put on my itchy dress and stupid makeup and heels and then pretend that i love what i'm doing and that everybody is my friend when in reality i feel horrible and all the other teenage girls at my hall hate me for some reason.
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BlackWolf
Sorry but I really feel like I need to rant right now. Recently my dad was made an elder so my family has been doing a lot more "theocratic" activities lately. Every morning I wake up and put on my itchy dress and stupid makeup and heels and then pretend that I love what I'm doing and that everybody is my friend when in reality I feel horrible and all the other teenage girls at my hall hate me for some reason. I feel so alone I have no friends or anybody to talk to. I feel like a caged lion who can never get out. I homeschool and all I can really do for fun is read and paint. I only really get out of the house to go to meetings and service and the isolation is making me feel really anxious and depressed. I'm going through a pretty bad existential crisis right now and I feel like my life is hopeless and I'm doomed. I feel like ive wasted my childhood because all i ever really wanted was to just be a normal kid. I dream of becoming an artist or a professional horseback rider one day because art and horses are the only things that really make me happy but I feel like that will never happen because I'm so afraid. My worst fear is that my parents are going to shun me when I leave and quit going to meetings like they did to my aunt who was only an unbabtized publisher like me. I dont know how I could survive even more alone than I am now. What should I do? Thanks in advance. -
39
To all JDub lurkers: How can you continue to preach knowing that you are telling lies?
by macys inthis is a damn serious question.
you must know by now that jerusalem was not destroyed in 607 bce and that 607 was initially picked by ct russell by using his "pyramid scheme" measurements.
there is no hiding these facts yet you continue to preach this nonsense.
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BlackWolf
I don't think saying that is really fair when some of us are just trapped because of various circumstances. Like even though I'm mostly mentally "out" I still have to go out in service 2-3 times a week because im 16 and my family is very "spiritually strong" plus my dad is an elder. It is extremely agonizing knowing I'm going around not only lying to others but also to myself :( but its only two more years before I can make my escape!! :D -
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The lord of the rings
by BlackWolf innow that i've found out ttatt i've been indulging in a lot of so called "spiritistic" entertainment lol.
i recently watched all of the lotr/hobitt movies and man were they awesome!!!
who knew spiritism could be so much fun lol.
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BlackWolf
I will definitely read Lotr!! I saw the first twilight movie and im not impressed but i do like interview with the vampire. I'm still a bit scared to watch the exorcist though lol. I've seen some other horror movies but the whole demonic possession thing still creeps me out 0_0