Posts by BlackWolf

28

Should I stay or should I go?

by BlackWolf in

jw
friends

hello everyone, i haven't posted anything on here for a while and today i just really felt like i needed to get my thoughts together.

(if you don't know me please read some of my previous posts).

so pretty much not much has changed in my life, i'm still living with my parents and going to all the meetings and service.

Desirousofchange: Thanks for the advice, although I am not in school anymore so I can't talk to a counselor. Also I bought the car myself, my dad is just working on it for a discounted price because he is a mechanic.

I do have plans for my life, I have been thinking about this kind of stuff for years. I know my parents are not the worst, but at the same time they are going to continue to force me to go preaching to people about stuff that I know isn't true and this really bothers my conscience. They really aren't so concerned about me, but more about how they appear to the congregation. Being isolated and having to be a fake person all the time is really getting old, idk how much longer I can keep it up.

28

Should I stay or should I go?

by BlackWolf in

jw
friends

hello everyone, i haven't posted anything on here for a while and today i just really felt like i needed to get my thoughts together.

(if you don't know me please read some of my previous posts).

so pretty much not much has changed in my life, i'm still living with my parents and going to all the meetings and service.

BlackWolf

No I would consider myself agnostic, why?

28

Should I stay or should I go?

by BlackWolf in

jw
friends

hello everyone, i haven't posted anything on here for a while and today i just really felt like i needed to get my thoughts together.

(if you don't know me please read some of my previous posts).

so pretty much not much has changed in my life, i'm still living with my parents and going to all the meetings and service.

BlackWolf

Hello everyone, I haven't posted anything on here for a while and today I just really felt like I needed to get my thoughts together. (If you don't know me please read some of my previous posts)

So pretty much not much has changed in my life, I'm still living with my parents and going to all the meetings and service. I currently have no job even though I've been trying desperately to get one. I feel so depressed I feel like I can hardly take it anymore, actually I cry pretty much everyday. I try to talk to my parents occasionally but it usually just makes me feel worse.

Pretty much I've come up with two different options, I could stay where I am currently and just keep trying to find a job and start college next semester. Or I could go stay with my non jw aunt that lives far away and help with her farm and daycare.

I can't decide because I know that if I do go stay with my aunt I feel like it's going to turn my family more against each other than they already are, and I don't want to do that to my aunt. My parents seem to think that my relatives are trying to manipulate me against them or something when really they are just trying to help me out. My parents also seem to think I don't love them, which is really frustrating because I do. They are my family! Recently I feel like my parents have started to be nicer to me, they bought me a new phone and my dad is fixing up my new car. I think they are trying everything they can to make me stick around, my dad knows that as long as I stay here he can keep manipulating me into going to all the meetings and out in service, etc.

In short if I stay where I am right now I feel like I have more opportunities for college but I will also be very unhappy. Do you guys have any advice? What are your opinions? Thanks.

33

My parents found out

by BlackWolf in

jw
friends

so in my last post i talked about how i had told my younger siblings how i didn't plan to get baptized or ever be a witness.

i thought i could trust them but i guess i was wrong, they're just kids after all.

my oldest brother (who's 11) told on me today.

BlackWolf

Thank you everyone for your advice. This past weekend we went to convention and of course everything was back to normal. I was still expected to take notes and sit next to donation boxes. I wish they would just get the point! I can't handle being this fake for much longer, it's killing me on the inside. Ive just applied for a job so I guess if that works out it would be a good start. Cold Steel, I have discussed college. My parents of course won't support me going to an actual college because of "bad association". They said that as long as I stay at home and be good they will pay for me to get an associates degree online, so they're kind of blackmailing me. Anyways I will continue to contact my aunt and see what happens.

33

My parents found out

by BlackWolf in

jw
friends

so in my last post i talked about how i had told my younger siblings how i didn't plan to get baptized or ever be a witness.

i thought i could trust them but i guess i was wrong, they're just kids after all.

my oldest brother (who's 11) told on me today.

BlackWolf

Thanks everyone, seeing others opinions always helps me to think about things. My aunt is awake, she left the cult when she was 20 and then joined the military. I've never met her in person because of this, and my parents always told me she was a horrible person (she seems quite the opposite). Anyways shes moving down the road from my other non jw aunt next month. I think I will stick around here for a little while, hopefully get a job and save up some money. I don't think going to live with my aunts right now would be a good idea since I don't have a way to support myself yet. At the same time having to pretend all the time is miserable, especially since my parents still expect me to go in service.

33

My parents found out

by BlackWolf in

jw
friends

so in my last post i talked about how i had told my younger siblings how i didn't plan to get baptized or ever be a witness.

i thought i could trust them but i guess i was wrong, they're just kids after all.

my oldest brother (who's 11) told on me today.

BlackWolf

So in my last post I talked about how I had told my younger siblings how I didn't plan to get baptized or ever be a witness. I thought I could trust them but I guess I was wrong, they're just kids after all. My oldest brother (who's 11) told on me today. I guess he got mad because lately he's been wanting to get baptized and I told him he should wait a few years. The only reason I told him this was because I asked him why he wanted to do it and he couldn't come up with a reason. All he said was "Idk, I just want to get baptized" over and over. He's just like my sister, he does whatever he's told. My youngest brother (9) on the other hand is very trustworthy and really listens to what I have to say, but it seems I might not be able to talk about this with him anymore.

Anyways, I got in big trouble. My parents got angry because I was "teaching them false ideas" behind their backs. Apparently I have no right to tell my siblings my opinions because it's against what they want to teach them. They said if I ever say anything about "apostate" stuff again I'm going to have to leave.

So I ended up telling them the truth about how I never plan on being a jw. They told me I could still live with them as long as I fake being a witness and go to all the meetings and stuff. While I feel like I can't really take this much longer I guess I have to. I'm going to find a job and save up as much as I can for a while and do online college. I have a df'ed aunt who I've been contacting who said I could come stay with her if I wanted. She lives very far away though. Maybe once I save up some money, I could live with her for a while? Do you guys think that's a good idea?

19

Hello again

by BlackWolf in

jw
friends

hello everyone, it's been a while since i've posted anything on here so i thought i might give an update.

next month i turn 18 and my mom is constantly berating me about getting baptized, so much so that my siblings have even told her to stop.

ive just been flat out telling her no which i know is irritating her.

BlackWolf

Yeah my dad has quit the study, I guess he finally realized it was a lost cause. :)

19

Hello again

by BlackWolf in

jw
friends

hello everyone, it's been a while since i've posted anything on here so i thought i might give an update.

next month i turn 18 and my mom is constantly berating me about getting baptized, so much so that my siblings have even told her to stop.

ive just been flat out telling her no which i know is irritating her.

BlackWolf

I don't know if my siblings looked anything up online or not, I assume my brothers haven't since they are kind of too young to understand this kind of stuff. I did though, that's the reason I'm on the forum.

19

Hello again

by BlackWolf in

jw
friends

hello everyone, it's been a while since i've posted anything on here so i thought i might give an update.

next month i turn 18 and my mom is constantly berating me about getting baptized, so much so that my siblings have even told her to stop.

ive just been flat out telling her no which i know is irritating her.

BlackWolf

Hello everyone, it's been a while since I've posted anything on here so I thought I might give an update. Next month I turn 18 and my mom is constantly berating me about getting baptized, so much so that my siblings have even told her to stop. Ive just been flat out telling her no which I know is irritating her. My parents may kick me out soon, so I've been trying to make plans about what to do and build up some courage. I've got a decent amount of money saved up, enough to buy a car or live off of for a while. I'm also trying to get in touch with some non jw family members to see if maybe I can stay with them for a little while.

Anyways another thing I wanted to talk about is that I told my younger siblings (who are trustworthy don't worry) about how I don't want to be a jw and my plans to leave. Ive talked to my sister about it before but never my brothers and their reactions kind of surprised me. They totally understood me! Of course they are only 9 and 10 years old so they aren't as close minded, but still I'm so glad. Especially my youngest brother, who said he was glad for me and looked forward to being free when he became an adult as well. He told me how he thought the meetings were pointless and boring (like most kids) and that he thought that the paradise probably wouldn't happen. My older brother wasn't so sure but still agreed with some of the things we talked about and seemed to respect my decision. I hope that they stay this way, they are very smart and I would hate to see them waste their lives. They gave me some hope.

I talked to my sister (she's 15) about it today as well. She is fully indoctrinated though so any good points I brought up she found some weird way to disagree. She did agree with some things though, like how the way women in the org are treated is unfair, and how some rules about things are pretty stupid. She ended up crying though and I felt bad, she said she didn't want me to leave her. We don't have any friends so I know it will be hard for her once I leave.

What do you guys think of all this? My parents will probably start shunning me pretty soon because they think that "rejecting Jehovah" and not getting baptized isn't much different than getting disfellowshipped. I think this is unfair because I never chose this religion anyway, I was just born into it. Anyways if you are reading this, thanks. Sometimes venting like this helps get my thoughts into order.

20

My mom is into "The Secret"

by BlackWolf in

jw
friends

lately my mom's gotten into all kinds of weird "power of positive thinking" kind of stuff.

she watches "the secret" and bob proctor videos all the time, and now she's trying to get me into it.

to me her being into this sort of thing seems kind of hypocritical.

BlackWolf

Thanks for sharing your opinions. I don't think she is becoming a new ager, it's more like like this stuff just reinforces her current beliefs. I haven't really bothered her about it much, only one time when she was complaining that I was being "too negative" one day and that thinking that way would somehow harm me. That made me kind of angry and I told her I don't believe in that stuff, so then she got angry too.

Anyways, I guess I will just let it go for now. If she did become a new ager, although it is kind of ridiculous, I would actually be very happy. At least she would stop shunning family members. Unfortunately that will never happen (maybe if I think real positively it will? xD)