I know this post is way old...but I thought I'd answer anyway.
I found out I was gay at age 35 after being in the JW's for my whole life. Looking back I can see many clues that should have told me sooner, but living such a sheltered life...I just never got it. I always knew I was different, but never knew why. I talked about boys, I looked at boys, I married a man...I didn't know what it felt like to be head over heels in love until I fell in love with a woman. Then I finally got it.
I was absolutely born that way. Nothing in my family life was sexually disfunctional. This is me. Coming out did not change me, I am still me, I just know me better and have better words to describe me.
I have two hetero siblings. Neither speak to me. One is a JW, one is just nuts.
My parents know, my mom is a JW and limits her contact with me to things that relate to my kids. Deep down I know she gets it though...she lives by the JW rules. My father is not a JW, and he is reservedly ok with it.
I miss having more male friends, but I don't want to sleep with any of them. I know now where I belong and I won't ever desire to be intimate with a man again. It never felt right to me when I was married and I dreaded and avoided sex. I don't now.
As far as using "toys", do you like, as an option, a blow-job? If so, then would it matter if it was a man's mouth or a woman's mouth? I assume, if you are a heterosexual male, that you'd prefer a woman giving you one. It isn't about what is happening to you, with what methodology, it is about who is doing it.
I don't find the term lesbian offensive...but it took a while to feel good rolling off my tounge.
There are spectrums for all people for what turns our head and what makes us swoon. There are also spectrums for all people for how we feel comfortable presenting to the world. I am a fairly femme lesbian, and a somewhat more masculine woman turns my head most of the time...but it is much more about who she is than what she looks like.
Hope that helps...even though this is old!