Max Ropata
JoinedThere are many interesting comments and I am sure they each have their own stories to tell... I left the 'truth'.. in 1979 at 17yrs of age. My crime was..... (yes wait for it..) I was a 'poofta'.... 'nelly boy' or 'shirt lifter'..... I was often chastised and in my later years censured many times because I questioned things often and continually disagreed and debated vigorously etc... (a bit of background here).. I am the 10th child of 12 siblings. I was 6 years of age when my dear mother turned to the witnesses. She was at the lowest point in her life having suffered at the hands of an abusive husband. Six of my siblings were claimed in the traditional Maori way by both sides of the family. Although mother fought hard to keep her children father and grandmother had plans and gave them away for their own standing (some hi-borne Maori families follow a tradition called 'whangai' or adoption.. but.... in the 'old ways'). This is a way of strengthening bloodlines and affirming alliances amongst tribes etc... My father was a 'real man' and played 'real man sports'.. RUGBY..., he coached and then went on to become a selector for the All Blacks... yes as I was often told 'dad's a real man' and a 'role model?????' another problem..... I WANTED TO BE A DANCER... you know... BALLET!!! well... shock horror and get this boy a doctor NOW. Dad had labelled me a 'poofta' and proceded to make my life hell. My father was a... womanizer... and abuser, often beating my mother senseless and into 'servitude'. She moved 'our family from the homestead (almost like a prison) as her life was not safe and my siblings were being abused by father's rugby friends!. We struggled as father paid no maintenance and were very poor. Funnily enough I remember we were very happy... then Oh my god the chips... came the witnesses. Before I could slap myself senseless we were attending the meetings and mother was baptised. I would spend the next 10 years being groomed as a 'potential pioneer' and subsequently brainwashed. Finally came the the biggie... the no no ... (I like to think of it as my 'encore')...... I came out after being discovered with the Circuit Overseers son in a rather uncompromising position. Oh no... the boy is 'Gay' AND I had become more diagreeable to the point where I challenged the elders right to censure me and disagreed with their heavy handed directives. It affected my life to the point where I had a breakdown in my early 20's and headed down a path of drug addication and male prostitution. Prostitution was borne out of anger at the Witnesses and led to some very interesting and sometimes frightening experiences. I even became embroilled in a rather hedonistic relationship with 2 men, a known criminal and a prominent Sydney Criminal Barrister. I still have contact with those in my family who are witnesses tho contact with mother has been strained over the years. We often debate topics when I visit her.. I was given a choice to stop my lifestyle and come back to the truth or she would have to sever contact... having heard these silly veiled threats many times I asked why she at 36years of age had joined the witnesses.. her reply was ' they helped our family and I grew to love the truth' and I felt my choice would keep our family together after all the suffering and abuse....mmmm... I said in my usual 'pushing the boundaries type of way' soooooo mother that was your choice yes..isn't it wonderful that we have the option to make choices ... given todays climate ... why is it that I don't get to have the same choice you had without some draconian threat of no further contact? It has been said by many of our relations how father had damaged our family and I know you did this out of love for us BUT I believe that although your intentions were protective measures you continue to do what father did and alienate us.. this is just replacing one type of abuse with another........She broke down.. This night I would learn many things about what abuse from a bad marriage and 'additional abuse' from a cult had done to her and realised she was still afraid. I would also realise that despite the threats this directive conflicted heavily on her. The witnesses had protected her and gave her safety. The elders also said she should not be having contact with me and 2 of my siblings who also came out and a brother (straight) but an apostate. She had this conflict but remained strong that her belief in Jehovah would only save her and make her stronger. But I see in her eyes the real truth and I am satisfied that the bond we have is still there and she loves me. I have never regretted my decision to leave the 'truth' but it has come at a huge price. I have spent a number of years being 'deprogrammed'. It has affected my earlier relationships with the men I chose to be in my life... No family should have to endure the pain and suffering this causes and I am saddened that people still fall victim to such medievil methods... My heart goes out to the many families and individual lives that are ripped apart. I have a great life now and I even have a couple of regular lovers ummmm.... and have wonderful people around me. Most of all I learned alot about me during this process and I am happy. We can continue to love and forgive them and somehow find our own peace from this blight for..... as the bible says... 'forgive them father for they know not what they do'. (hope I didn't rave too much ... don't know why but I just wanted to share that) To my gay brothers and sisters who have followed the same path I send my warmest regards and love and support (especially if yer cute). As we say in Maori... 'Whakatika te he!' (Right the Wrong)