I can imagine what you think about me and I can understand you very well. But isnt all she does a sign that she might be willing to leave the JW ? Although she doesnt know that yet. Do you think it's better to let her stay in that cult only because she will feel miserable afterwards ? So everybody should stay there .. ? Doesnt that forum also exist to help people out of that cult ? To give help and consolation.... I know you cannot divide me out of that eqquation, but if I were not so deeply involved - shouldnt I not try to help her. I know the person who will turn out in the end might not be what I want. But the first step in either case is to get her off that shit. Don't you think so ? All you are telling me is to leave her alone and find somebody else. It isnt that easy you see, actually there are two goals to reach one for her sake and then maybe one for us/me. Surely she will need help and the only person she REALLY trusts in is me. She will at least listen if I had something to tell whereas a doctor will never get to her ear
svennibenni
JoinedPosts by svennibenni
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93
Dating a JW and how to get her off the cult or becoming a member myself
by svennibenni ini'm sorry if i'm totally wrong here but i have a serious problem.. i met a woman in the company i work in via intranet.
it is a very big company with offices all over the world.
she moved to the united kingdom just a few month before we met.
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93
Dating a JW and how to get her off the cult or becoming a member myself
by svennibenni ini'm sorry if i'm totally wrong here but i have a serious problem.. i met a woman in the company i work in via intranet.
it is a very big company with offices all over the world.
she moved to the united kingdom just a few month before we met.
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svennibenni
Hi Sweetface,
I love your irony - as a matter of fact this question is long off the table. I already asked her 6 weeks ago and she told me she will marry me after I joined the JW.
That kinda life that you are describing is NOT worth livin -.everybody knows that But if we would move to a country where no JW branch is.... but surely they are everywhere
@ everybody else : I sat myself seperately because I didnt want anybody to see us to be close,nobody knows about our feelings - for them we are only collegues and she is playing this game, too
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93
Dating a JW and how to get her off the cult or becoming a member myself
by svennibenni ini'm sorry if i'm totally wrong here but i have a serious problem.. i met a woman in the company i work in via intranet.
it is a very big company with offices all over the world.
she moved to the united kingdom just a few month before we met.
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svennibenni
Hi Wanderlustguy and all the others,
sure I cannot be objective - i know this is just not possible, I know that many reasons you say are or at least sound true.
When we talked - and be SURE that we talk straight forward ! I remembered the story ot her brother and had her promise me that she will NOT ever even think of suicide or whatsoever. Then she turned her head to me and asked ME the very same thing. She knows that her ways are very hard for me as well. And we agreed. Also we agreed that we will be pulling on the same string in order to help us reaching our goal (where she still thinks that part of coming together is me becoming a JW)
Please forgive me - my motives are not always as pure as they should be - I KNOW that and I dont like it either
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93
Dating a JW and how to get her off the cult or becoming a member myself
by svennibenni ini'm sorry if i'm totally wrong here but i have a serious problem.. i met a woman in the company i work in via intranet.
it is a very big company with offices all over the world.
she moved to the united kingdom just a few month before we met.
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svennibenni
Hi Folks,
wow I just came back and see lots of posts. I cannot answer all of them right now, but I will.
things have turned a bit as I KNEW after posting last time. It was kind of a shock. For both of us. I knew this shouldnt have happened. I'm obiously not as strong as I thought.
Let me tell you what happened today. We went to a meeting of JW and I behave myself very very polite and didnt sit near her or ever looked at her. I talked to some JW who asked me this and that. So I followed the sermon and shook a lot of hands. After we left (she and I told them I was a collegue and she is going to drive me to the airport) the climate was quite cool. When I asked her she wouldnt respond at once. Then she got a call from a sister, who had some thoughts maybe and we went to a luch with her. We talked and after that she was driving me to the airport. On the say we stopped and had a walk in the park and we had finally a conversation. As some of you already assumed, she doesnt want this to happen again and therefor asked that it would be better not to meet secretly anymore. At first I thought she wanted to quit, but she quickly said, she doesnt want to quit. She is full of guilt I know. this was a day of trouble until we reached the airport. I asked if she is going to tell somebody(elders) and she denied it.at once. We talked and talked again and always reaching the point of me not being a JW... then we kissed the last 5 minutes and she drove away. 30 min later she sent an SMS telling me that she feels sorry that she hurts me that much and that she is always thinking of me. When I arrived in my country I gave her a call that I arrived safely and she didnt want this call to end. (mobile to mobile in diff countries....) we talked around 30 min and afterwards she sent another SMS telling me she is so happy when she hears me laugh. I shall feel hugged and kissed. We agreed to watch a movie via internet together tonight
I NEED HELP HERE
I have a bible lesson tonight and after that I want to start asking her a single question that she cannot answer or has some trouble with. Is that wise or what should I do first. I need facts and I need answers. I know you dont know me and I am/sound selfish and am weak and and and BUT please HELP. many many thanks to all you folks you already were an inspriration to me (even if I messed it up - sorry)
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93
Dating a JW and how to get her off the cult or becoming a member myself
by svennibenni ini'm sorry if i'm totally wrong here but i have a serious problem.. i met a woman in the company i work in via intranet.
it is a very big company with offices all over the world.
she moved to the united kingdom just a few month before we met.
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svennibenni
Hi Jgnat what you were saying.... this affair has to progress... well see my last post... it certainly has ..... but what do you mean by : the Elders might oppose your match. It can get very ugly It is now her struggle again. this is for sure. She disobbeys so many rules but still she tells me she is so devoted to JW.... she went to convert people in the morning and afterwards she had kinda sex with me...... Maybe only because i promised her everything will work out just fine ? BUT she is not easy believing.... What do you think ...... will happen if I come up with some questions about JW...
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93
Dating a JW and how to get her off the cult or becoming a member myself
by svennibenni ini'm sorry if i'm totally wrong here but i have a serious problem.. i met a woman in the company i work in via intranet.
it is a very big company with offices all over the world.
she moved to the united kingdom just a few month before we met.
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svennibenni
Hi, this is me again and Im sitting in a hotel room and am so confused I really cant think normal. Still in the UK I just brought my baby to the trainstation and am sitting now alone with my thoughts in front of this computer. NO what I dont want is a follower !! She is absolutely not a follower to me in any way. She is a computer tech as well and has her own ideas and certainly I would never want her to be my puppy. And if she says she will follow me, that only means that if I decided later to move to italy for example she will go with me. The question war risen before > she is just turning 20 ! so that makes her very young and maybe still .... Today was a VERY special day. I dont know how to write that, because it is very personal. But in order that you can understand me I have to tell you that today in my hotel room we became quite intimate. No we didnt sleep together but she moved in a way that everybody would understand this and then she let me touch her ... I was such an idiot I know. I couldnt help it, it just came over me. Of course, this will be very hard for her to ignore before her own mind and probably she will argue about that ( the two egos of her I mean). I promised before that I will not sleep with her before we are married, but this is quite close to that and now I dont know what will happen next... I told her that I am afraid, that she will loose control and come to some odd decision for herself ... ( she understood for sure that I meant suicide) and I apologized often that I lost control myself and how weak I was. Strange is that she didnt take my apology and said there is nothin to be ashamed of or nothin to feel guilty for....... what makes me even more confused. Things are always going other ways than you expect.... I know that she does love me very very much and I see more and more barriers broken... This certainly is one hell of a barrier I am sure... Of course afterwards she was very quiet and thinking it over and over again....... I felt so sorry for her I knew I did let her down in a way... As strong as I am mostly but today I was just an idiot any new suggestions
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93
Dating a JW and how to get her off the cult or becoming a member myself
by svennibenni ini'm sorry if i'm totally wrong here but i have a serious problem.. i met a woman in the company i work in via intranet.
it is a very big company with offices all over the world.
she moved to the united kingdom just a few month before we met.
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svennibenni
Hi its me again,
sorry I didnt write so much yesterday. I was busy planning my trip to the UK....
I will fly tommorrow and will be back on sunday so I wll answer all posts then. And I'm sure I will have lots more to tell then, too !
Keep posting - I read everythink and will answer
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93
Dating a JW and how to get her off the cult or becoming a member myself
by svennibenni ini'm sorry if i'm totally wrong here but i have a serious problem.. i met a woman in the company i work in via intranet.
it is a very big company with offices all over the world.
she moved to the united kingdom just a few month before we met.
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svennibenni
Hi its me again,
sorry I didnt write so much yesterday. I was busy planning my trip to the UK....
I will fly tommorrow and will be back on sunday so I wll answer all posts then. And I'm sure I will have lots more to tell then, too !
Keep posting - I read everything and will answer
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93
Dating a JW and how to get her off the cult or becoming a member myself
by svennibenni ini'm sorry if i'm totally wrong here but i have a serious problem.. i met a woman in the company i work in via intranet.
it is a very big company with offices all over the world.
she moved to the united kingdom just a few month before we met.
-
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svennibenni
Hi eyes open !
I could follow your arguments at once by heart f.e. why not getting baptised. First thing is to get her off the hook. There is a good chance she will hate me for what I did even if she got out of this. But maybe there is a good end for both of us.And YES she is worth all I can give her. Your explanation crossed my mind as well. See I learned the old greek and can translate the original scriptures and therefor can point at every single "lie". So I can say that this is just not what I exspected and walk away. I already shown my good intention and went to a bible study class. I cannot claim to have the truth if I never studied their "truth". But I already told her I must find the right answers.... And she knows very much about me as well, knows that I was questioning EVERYTHING my whole llife but also that I am fair and reasonable. And on many occasions she counts on that!
The point of parting, all or nothing.. has its point as well, on the other hand if I told her I would be happy to lend a hand and to explain what I found out.. HELP her... sounds also good to me. Patience is one thing I'm about to learn right now and I think I can deal with that and I am willing to give her all the time she needs. And what you say about her feelings... there I am absolutely sure that she NEVER ever told anyone a bit of her feelings but me. See it took months to get her out of the corner and reveal VERY personal secrets to me. And for the doubts... She told me her brother tried to commmit suicide one year ago !!! And boy this must be so frightened that I'm absolutely sure she did have her doubts. She calls him quite often and is REALLY CARING for him. I'm pretty sure it was about his believing. But is she open enough to act on those thoughts? Not YET I think.
It is unbelievable because EVERY SINGLE LINE you wrote makes perfect sense to me and I believe she will ask for the references which have been misquoted for herself if I will pursue the way you stated !!! These were my thoughts as well. But I was wrong to think I have to get baptised !! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR POST
She will also consider what she will loose and what she will gain at some point... and she will loose everything but me. And I wouldnt blame her for choosing everything !! To end this thought : I now think there is a chance for her as she probably went over lots of other barriers which I just didnt realize were there. And isnt love the best motivator there is ? So I am very mean to wait til she has so much trust in me that I am able to destroy her world..... Isnt that at least as terrible... ?
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93
Dating a JW and how to get her off the cult or becoming a member myself
by svennibenni ini'm sorry if i'm totally wrong here but i have a serious problem.. i met a woman in the company i work in via intranet.
it is a very big company with offices all over the world.
she moved to the united kingdom just a few month before we met.
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-
svennibenni
Hi thank you all folks for your replies I REALLY appreciate this !!!!
When I just read the posts that came after I went to bed I was really struck. How is it possible that such an organisation that brainwashes the mind of members so entirely is still allowed and not be punished after all ? I heard lots of things and read quite a bid. But the way you all tell things speaks for itself. How could you have escaped from that cage? It is soooo bitter. How can people still think it is right what they do when they could see - if they wanted to - how things turn out for several members (=victims)
Do you think it matters how old she is ? Is there any progression or could one stop it if it is "in time" ? I'm so confused. Please forgive me when this all is a bit mixed up, but I just dont know how to get out - maybe I need a doctor as well.... This relationship has started around 5 month ago and I never loved anyone more than her - not even myself. I kinda know that I cannot pretend to be a JW for very long although I'm good at pretending... but what I hear is so terrible - how can I sincerely stand up in front of many people and say to be proud to be a JW. It's disgusting. So it seems there is only one way out.... or to try to get her off that bullshit. Maybe ask her one question per week there is no explanation for ... and let her find out herself...
We just had a phone call and although she seems to be passionate she tears down walls all the time... when you said no holidays.... we have been talking about where we go first and what places she wants to visit and so on. She told me that it's over OK, but now she is more passionate than ever in our calls. Still she tells me that she has her principles and doubts BUT she calls me every now and then - at least 5 times a day on my mobile. She doesnt care of how much money it costs - even if I have to work she rather stays on the phone just to listen to me and telling me that she doesnt want to miss me every single minute. Her preparings for the meetings just take a tiny second compared to what time we spend together. Maybe this is already a sign that SHE wants to get out of that ???