Umbertoecho:
When you are young are trained to respect the "older men" - never to question what they do - keep humble - brother this and brother that- low education - low self esteem -- then the field is ripe to be abused... that is not your fault!
Everything that has happened was not your fault - every day you will get stronger, you will stand tall, you can overcome... the despair will make way for some happiness, not always, but there are going to be times when you feel as if you have conquered those fears.
The distrust you feel will probably always be with you but that can be a protection as well... many things happen throughout our lives and we can learn and grow from that. Many wishes to you and your will to challenge those who have controlled and manipulated your life. You are now free from that grip and willing to so something about it. That takes guts!! All the best.