I had ordered both books from Amazon at the same time I ordered some other books, I was living at home and was very much afraid anyone in my family would find out I was ordering "apostate" literature.
When the box came in I took out some of the not so interesting educational titles, left Ray Franz's books inside the box though, then put them all back in the box in plain view, and went to my room coming right out with the empty box. Then went to "organize", which turned into several hours of reading CoC.
CoC is a pretty thick book, several hundred pages thick, so I put on a pretty book-sock to disguise it, and read it in plain sight of everyone, avoiding pages with large titles or photos that prying eyes might spot. I had to read some parts of it twice, if I remember because I really wanted to understand what I was reading and what it meant for my faith, rebellious as I was at the time I read it.
Once I finished CoC I just couldn't wait to start into ISoCF. I liked CoC, it helped open my eyes to a lot of facts about the WTS, but "Christian Freedom" gave me confidence and faith. It put down falsehoods but helped me become more of a Christian minded person. But its size proved to be a challenge.
ISoCF is 700 plus pages, how was I going to leave this huge book around, it's almost twice as thick as CoC. Since I couldn't wait to read it and I'd gone for the paperback issue I decided to make a sacrifice.
I ripped the pages, carefully by hand, from its gummy backing, the smell of the new book and the fear I may mess up and rip a page down the middle was just insane. But I managed to get about half the book un-glued into single sheets, I remembered being told by Bethelites that they did this unbinding with WT Yearbooks when the daily text was the last part of the yearbooks, they'd rip the pages and carry the sheet in their pocket through the day. Well, I carried a chapter at a time inside one of the educational books of about the same length and width. I'd take out a chapter at a time making sure to put the pages back by number in the right order with the rest of it that I kept in one of my dresser drawers under some other "stuff".
I'd bring the book with ISoCF everywhere even in my bag to the KH! I even read from it during the meeting when I unfortunately came down with a migraine and "had" to sit in the side school.
I remember well, that the chapter on the use of Jehovah's name by Jesus and first Century Christians un-nerved me a lot. But given some time to think about it and pondering on the phrase like "in the name of the law" or "in the name of the Queen/King" means not by the name itself but by its power, I came to appreciate more and more that in the Bible the name carried not only the meaning of the name but the meaning behind the name, the power and authority it represented. So I was ok with angels appearing to humans and then people saying Jehovah spoke to them, because they came "in the name of God".
Definitely ISoCF was a very faith strengthening book, it tore down false human reasonings and build up my faith in the real meaning of being a disciple of Christ.
