What's the difference if Bruce Springstein is his shidoshi??
-IFAA rep Lee in the movie Bloodsport
Introspection
JoinedPosts by Introspection
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151
Intro's quote-o-rama
by Introspection ini guess i've been inspired by stephen's quote threads, so i'm going to start one myself.. not one particular author here, just whatever i can find:.
q: why do you think that people are so protective of their egos?
why is it so hard to let go of one's ego?.
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Introspection
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Online love
by StinkyPantz indo you think it's possible to fall in love with someone online?
assuming they give you a real picture of themselves and are honest about themselves.. is it possible to love this person before you meet them?
i'm not talking about the kind of love you share with your friends, i'm talking the real deal.
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Introspection
Ok, there were a couple of points mentioned here that deserves consideration. First of all, it's been mentioned that honesty is key. Well on that point I say again, how is that different from "real life?" Yes it is easier to size them up in person, but people get dupped there too don't they? It happens all the time. Now you might say it is easier to fool people online, but that all depends on how you approach it. You know the information you get from chat is simply words another person have typed out on another computer out there some where, so why treat it as anything more than that? But again, it can be telling. Even a gullible person can tell if a person is lying if they read between the lines. The thing is if someone is just out to fool someone, to get attention so they feel good about themselves and so on, they can find plenty of stupid people out there who will bite. It may take time to figure things out, and for some it may take longer than others - certainly more time than if you knew them in person, generally speaking - but that's just one of the most basic factors of relationships, on and offline. The key is to try to figure it out rather than spend that time for wishful thinking and wild imaginings, hopefully one would atleast recognize when they start thinking this way, otherwise they got a long way to go and it's frankly a personal problem in that case. I myself have the benefit of experience, having chatted online since the days of dial-up BBSes and 300 baud modems, (before the internet) but I think if you keep a couple things in mind and don't fool yourself it may work a lot better than you thought possible.
First of all, your chances will be MUCH lower if you go into a dating/romance chat room. Why is that? Because people in those rooms have that on their mind and probably little else. The world is full of people who are lonely and want to hook up with someone, is that the only thing you're looking for in your dream guy/gal?? Go into a room with a real subject matter, something you're interested in. Basically, it's just a matter of looking for more than a man or woman who wants to meet someone. After all, I'm sure most of us have other criteria beyond that simple fact. And if you really want to meet quality people, give up the idea of meeting someone for romance, atleast temporarily. If you don't want to limit yourself to your personal interests, go into other rooms which you may not be particularly interested in but something which is atleast a reasonably intellegent subject. Why not "widen out" in that way? (hehe, sorry I couldn't resist)
This of course also goes for real life. If you go to some kind of pick-up joint, there's no telling who you'll meet. This is why I say it doesn't really matter whether it's online or off, because even if you see a groovy guy or gal in all their physical magnificence, if what you're looking for is someone you can have a relationship with then that doesn't mean a whole lot does it? Now mind you, I do think being in a person's physical presence is very important, but the fact is if you don't know how to interpret the information correctly then it doesn't matter if it is up close and personal. In a way it is worse, because you might be so overwhelmed with sensory stimulation that your mind takes a vacation.
In fact, isn't it true that some people just keeps screwing themselves over with "real life" relationships? Self-deception is self-deception. We can keep pointing the finger at people who screwed us over, or even point to the circumstances in which we were screwed, but until we change that part of ourselves which allows that to happen we'll always be screwed. Sound like any other experience you've gone through?
* took out the don't.. ahh sorry I confused myself! damn duality..
Edited by - Introspection on 19 June 2002 23:26:3
Edited by - Introspection on 20 June 2002 0:4:22
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San Francisco ex-JW picnic
by Introspection insaturday, june 22, 2002 from 12:00 noon until dusk - picnic for exjws in golden gate park, at lindley meadows, tables 12 & 13. bring along some food or (non-alcoholic) beverages.
for further details, email paul-henry thomasian at [email protected]
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Introspection
Just bringing this to the top.. I'll email you about the breakfast meet.
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151
Intro's quote-o-rama
by Introspection ini guess i've been inspired by stephen's quote threads, so i'm going to start one myself.. not one particular author here, just whatever i can find:.
q: why do you think that people are so protective of their egos?
why is it so hard to let go of one's ego?.
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Introspection
Another one by the same author:
Loneliness implies a feeling of separation from everything else. Aloneness, on the other hand, offers the chance of becoming 'one with' things. Being alone on retreats or hiking in the wilderness, I've sometimes become so connected with the moment's experience-- the sights and sounds, the smells, the feel of air on my body-- that no separation exists at all between me and everything around me. This is the real meaning of intimacy, and the point where true intimacy begins. . . Most people think intimacy starts in relationships, but if we haven't learned the art of intimacy on a more fundamental level, we look for it in the wrong place. We may think intimacy is dependent on the other person's being a certain way, but it has nothing to do with that. It has to do with our own capacity for openness, for 'oneness' with experience. When we bring that awareness to our relationships, there is a genuine and lasting basis for deep connection. Intimacy can finally blossom.
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151
Intro's quote-o-rama
by Introspection ini guess i've been inspired by stephen's quote threads, so i'm going to start one myself.. not one particular author here, just whatever i can find:.
q: why do you think that people are so protective of their egos?
why is it so hard to let go of one's ego?.
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Introspection
Attachment implies wanting a person to stay the same--especially in relation to us. There's a goal: Don't change. Since everyone and everything is always changing--impermanence is a univeral truth--relationships that deny this truth are bound to end in difficulty. Commitment, unlike attachment, doesn't say, 'You must stay a certain way for me to love you.' It says, 'We are in relationship, and I will be there with you through those changes.'
-Joseph Goldstein
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62
Online love
by StinkyPantz indo you think it's possible to fall in love with someone online?
assuming they give you a real picture of themselves and are honest about themselves.. is it possible to love this person before you meet them?
i'm not talking about the kind of love you share with your friends, i'm talking the real deal.
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Introspection
But to answer your question, why not? Do you think that meeting someone face to face is always seeing them as they really are, as a person? The way the information of what they're really like reaches you is not important, you just have to recognize that it's stuff typed back and forth in chat, just as you have to recognize that what you see when you are face to face with a person is just a face and so on. What you read and see isn't what's important, it's a matter of understanding what it means, reading between the lines. Of course, it is possible that you just won't get enough information too. On the other hand, it doesn't necessarily take a lot, unless you got your detailed shopping list of mate attributes drawn up.
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62
Online love
by StinkyPantz indo you think it's possible to fall in love with someone online?
assuming they give you a real picture of themselves and are honest about themselves.. is it possible to love this person before you meet them?
i'm not talking about the kind of love you share with your friends, i'm talking the real deal.
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Introspection
Well, what does falling in love mean? In any case, it seems to me you have to just love before you fall in love. There's also that saying that it's better to stand in love than to fall in love.
"I've fallen, and I can't get up!" -Life Alert commercial
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151
Intro's quote-o-rama
by Introspection ini guess i've been inspired by stephen's quote threads, so i'm going to start one myself.. not one particular author here, just whatever i can find:.
q: why do you think that people are so protective of their egos?
why is it so hard to let go of one's ego?.
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Introspection
"Wayne, um, what do you do if every time you see this one, incredible woman, you, you think you're gonna hurl?"
"I say hurl. If you blow chunks, and she comes back, she's yours. But if you spew, and she bolts, it was never meant to be."-Wayne's World
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What do you listen to?
by terafera inwhat song do you put on when you're sad?
is there a certain song that never fails to tear you up and why?.
what do you listen to when you're in a good mood?
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Introspection
What's the name of that long thread where everyone posts lyrics .. maybe you know it already. By the way, does anyone know what happend to sevenofnine? Haven't seen her around was wondering if anyone knows..
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Good stuff
by Introspection init seems to me this is the most appropriate forum for this.
in any case, the following are a couple of story/experiences i heard from my zen teacher, actually he's kind of one of those people who doesn't care much about specific traditions - truth is truth and so on.
i'm just telling it from memory so hopefully it will come through alright.. .
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Introspection
It seems to me this is the most appropriate forum for this. In any case, the following are a couple of story/experiences I heard from my zen teacher, actually he's kind of one of those people who doesn't care much about specific traditions - truth is truth and so on. I'm just telling it from memory so hopefully it will come through alright..
He was talking about his grandfather, and how he could only see the good in people. He remembers him visiting people in jail - people he didn't know just so they have someone to talk to, and he would frequently bring home people he met for dinner "because they looked really hungry". Anyways, I don't know if it was his father or an uncle, but one of the sons was something of a delinquent, a drug user and had friends that were the same. They would rob grandpa on a regular basis to pay for their drug habit, one time he saw a bullet hole in the TV when he went over. Yet through it all his grandfather would always treat these kids in the kindest way, taking them fishing and on family vacations. "These are GOOD kids" he would say, and that was almost like a mantra for him. Well, eventually around 35 or so every one of these kids cleaned up their life and stopped using drugs. Every few years they get together and although they don't plan for it, they always end up talking about his grandfather. The one thing they would all say is that his grandfather was the only person that believed in them.
The other story has to do with this guy he worked with. This guy was apparently one of the biggest jerks you could meet, he would insult everyone he talks to, the kind of person that you would find as a movie character. Well, one day the two of them bumped into each other in the back of the store, and Adya found himself blurting out "I don't buy it. I don't buy that you're a jerk. I just don't buy it." At this the guy's mouth dropped open slightly, he was silent for about 10 seconds and he softened a bit and said "Yeah, I do this because I'm in a lot of pain." They took a short break and he talked about his life and the challenges he faced. When they got back he continued being the same way with others, and when Adya caught his eye from across the room he winked back at him. Apparently they had some other conversations like that since, but that was the end of that story..
Well, he didn't speak from an outline or anything, but one of the things he mentioned was that we sometimes get addicted to this idea that we're bad, (along with other ideas) and we take on that identity. In recalling these stories it occurs to me that although there are sometimes (okay, often) fights and arguments among the different members of this board, maybe we're just in a lot of pain.. Maybe we don't have to buy into all the things we say, either.
Edited by - Introspection on 17 June 2002 23:35:10