I try to be a positive person but sometimes I just can't help myself. The other day, I was looking at TV and this show was on MTV. The show was called, "When I was 17". I didn't feel like turning the channel and so I started to watch it. The show featured celebrities remembering their times at that age. I started to cry- I have a hard time crying for anything - over the person telling their story of being in High School. I thought of my experience of being a JW and feeling like I was a outsider. Not being able to go to my schools sporting events, not being able to join any of the schools groups or clubs, and not being able to go to dances (especially the prom). I honestly teared up. I thought of all the times I had to tell teachers and classmates that I was different because of being a JW. I looked back on those times and I cried. I then became angry, with a rage that was burning in the deepest part of my bones. I hate the JW Organization with all my heart, mind, and soul! Those Fucking GB members.....ooh. IF it wasn't against the law to kidnap and torture people....man I would love to see them get that "SAW" treatment. Those bastards have deeply effected my life and MANY others. I now try to grasp on to the few years of youth I have left and catch up with the experiences I should have already have. Problem is.....I feel retarded. I feel socially inept. I thought I was getting better but it feels now that I haven't really made much improvement. I get around some friends I've made and I don't really have NOTHING to talk about. Most of their experiences in the REAL world have been like the plane flight that I've missed. I didn't feel normal while in the organization amongst my peers during my adolescence. I've never been real confident and constantly questioned my ability. It didn't help with the numerous things expected of you by the "brothers" in reaching out in the congregation. Going door to door was a pain in the ass and giving talks was like pulling teeth. I ABSOLUTELY hated going to the meetings. ABSOLUTELY hated them! I vowed to myself after fading away. That I would NEVER step foot in another Kingdom Hall for the rest of my life for ANY reason. Those Muthafuckas have stolen enough of my life and I don't plan on giving them anymore. I think of my life now and wish that I hadn't been so gullible and easy going. Wish I had been a rebel with "Independent thinking". Maybe I would have left a long time ago. I trully regret losing the good years of my youth to that religion. I look at some people's lives and see them being happy. I become bitter in this regard because of my regret and failures. I feel so pathetic. I do blame the JW but the percentage is like 60% of them and 40% of my fault. I should have been more out going and used my mind more. I was suppressed and cage in. I couldn't get away seem like.....even when I felt like leaving the Org. I hate some of those Witnesses who wouldn't leave me alone and latched onto me as "friends". They kept me in....in the times of my deepest doubts. I had a chance to finally wake up a few years ago and it feels late to me. I'm half way into my life and I really feel like a failure. I don't feel like I'm at the point where I want to be in my life. Dealing with finances because a lack of skill and education. Though I'm working on part of that now (I have licenses in Pest Control). I'm trying to get a decent job amongst this economy. Will have to work 2 because of some debt I got into with a loan for a school I wasn't able to complete. That's just on the financial side. The social side has been eating me up. I can make friends but being close and relating to them is a problem. My JW background will ALWAYS be in the back of my mind! I wish I could Marty Mcfly my ass back to when my parents were about to have me and stop them. Wishful thinking. I wish I could have a Avatar body of someone else (tall and handsome preferably) and live a new and normal life. I vent on this shit on this board because I know people have had the same feelings and can relate. I don't think people who haven't been JW can relate. I've tried talking to some before and they don't understand fully. It is what it is with my life. Damage parts sent to a repair shop. LOL I'm open for feedback.
whathehadas
JoinedPosts by whathehadas
-
13
Another Rant by Whathehadas
by whathehadas ini try to be a positive person but sometimes i just can't help myself.
the other day, i was looking at tv and this show was on mtv.
the show was called, "when i was 17".
-
-
-
12
It would be a lovely letter
by Defianttruth inletter from the governing body.. .
dear brothers due to our failed attempts of interrupting scripture and completely false, multiple prophecies, we as the governing body are going to implement a few new changes to god's earthly organization.. .
we are not god's earthly organization.
-
-
whathehadas
That would BE the END of the Organization. The GB would kill themselves with that letter. I wish it was so. Would be a interesting reaction from the Rank & File
-
152
How Long has it Been since you Last Attended Meetings and What Caused...
by flipper in..... you to stop attending ?
injustices ?
disagree with the teachings ?
-
-
whathehadas
I hold a deep loathing for the GB. Don't anyone tell me to let it go....I can't. If I was in company alone with a GB member and there was a carving knife with us........goodbye GB member! Punkofnice
LMAO punkofnice I agree. Give me a baseball bat though and a Ball pin hammer. I would like them to experience some agonizing pain.
I have'nt been to a meeting since July '09 of the DC. I think I went to 2 days out of the 3 and I left after Lunch on that Saturday. I JUST could not take it anymore. I was fed up with allllll the BS and fake friends. I'm relieved to be out and feel somewhat normal.
-
61
QUESTIONS THAT MAY BE ASKED AFTER ARMAGEDDON
by sieborg inwhere can i plug in my i-pod to read my downloaded publications ?
.
-
-
whathehadas
Hey when is the New Iphone coming out? Where is the Apple store?
Where is Applebee's? Where is Golden Corral?
-
13
Aint nobody got time that...
by Aussie Oz inmight be 9 months old but jesus...aint nobody got time for that.... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nh7ugaprdpm.
-
-
whathehadas
LMAO
-
34
Gun Control, Alex Jones and Piers Morgan
by Amelia Ashton inpiers morgan decided to advocate gun control after sandy hook.
that caused this radio host, alex jones, who has millions of listeners to create a petition to have piers deported.
piers invited alex on his show to have a civil debate about guns.
-
-
whathehadas
Maybe a gun would have helped in this Pizza Parlor incident. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eu0O1VNZWeE
-
34
Gun Control, Alex Jones and Piers Morgan
by Amelia Ashton inpiers morgan decided to advocate gun control after sandy hook.
that caused this radio host, alex jones, who has millions of listeners to create a petition to have piers deported.
piers invited alex on his show to have a civil debate about guns.
-
-
whathehadas
LMAO at Alex. He may sound crazy but I think Piers deserved this for his gun rants
-
174
Good Reasons To Hate Every Weak And Ex-Jehovah Witness.
by AuntConnie in1. my husband's time is finite, it's wasted on spouses arguing over money, sex or family mattters with stupid home visits.. .
i hate people's constant open hand for money, it's the weak individuals asking others to pull their weight.
my family worked extra hours instead of begging the strong members for district assembly money, cat food for seven cats or tiny little rag-a-muffins weiner dogs.. .
-
-
whathehadas
Well you going to deserve a Oscar for the acting you'll have to do to stay in. Can't say you won't fit in with most other Witnesses who do the same.
-
174
Good Reasons To Hate Every Weak And Ex-Jehovah Witness.
by AuntConnie in1. my husband's time is finite, it's wasted on spouses arguing over money, sex or family mattters with stupid home visits.. .
i hate people's constant open hand for money, it's the weak individuals asking others to pull their weight.
my family worked extra hours instead of begging the strong members for district assembly money, cat food for seven cats or tiny little rag-a-muffins weiner dogs.. .
-
-
whathehadas
AuntConnie you are stuck in that world untill........You open that door and look behind the Curtain. If you continue to stay and not open that door, you'll die a slow and unhappy death of frustration. You can keep ranting on about the problems you see but realize that solutions are there for you to take.
-
62
Who or what is to blame for the Newtown CT shooting?
by BreathoftheIndianNose inif events like the recent school shooting in newtown are to be avoided from here on out, we must understand who or what is to blame.
there is a reason that it happend, maybe it was simple or maybe it was very complex, but this didn't just simply happen.
a series of events transpired that inspired or even just allowed adam lanza to commit this terrible atrocity.
-
-
whathehadas
This guy makes some sense about guns. He does make prepping videos for a financial collapse, or what he calls it SHTF situation (Sh$T Hits The Fan).