would you want her to tell you she knew? Would it serve a purpose, that is, make you end the affair, or on the other hand, push it over the edge to be with the other person? Speaking of affairs, if it is an " intense emotional" affair, not yet physical, what is the liklyhood it would go no further and run it's course, or would telling him push it to the physical level? Thanks for the input.
This is what you wrote. First, I will call this "intense emotional affair" cheating, but just for the sake of making things easier for me to write.
would you want her to tell you she knew?
is kind of an odd question. It sort of makes me feel that the question means "Do you think I will piss him off? Because that's not what I want". But that's only my impression.
I am sure, however, that a cheating spouse would like to find out whether the spouse cheated on knows about the cheating, but I think the reason would be only to be better prepared to anticipate what the spouse cheated on would do. Being cheated on is a terrible experience and people react to it in a variety of unpleasant ways.
Would it serve a purpose, that is, make you end the affair, or on the other hand, push it over the edge to be with the other person?
I don't think there is a way for us to tell. In some cases, yes, the affair comes to an end. The reason is not necessarily that the cheating spouse is concerned about the spouse cheated on. Some rare times (to my knowledge) the cheating leads to leaving the spouse. Usually the cheating begins without the cheating spouse intending to leave the marriage. And the sad truth is that "the other woman" or "the other man" are often told that they are not that important to put an end to a marriage after all.
Speaking of affairs, if it is an " intense emotional" affair, not yet physical, what is the liklyhood it would go no further and run it's course, or would telling him push it to the physical level?
I think "intense emotional" affairs are in a way worse than purely physical ones. The reason is obvious. People don't (usually) leave a spouse or marriage only for the sake of sex. People do leave relationships that are perceived as bad.
The likelihood of this affair going no further is hard to predict. Sometimes it doesn't go any further and the people involved know very well that it won't. Often it does go further. For the reasons elderelite pointed out.
When someone posts something like this on a forum, you need to read between the lines. I take it that someone has found out that his/her spouse is cheating, and wishes to know what would be the best thing to do: to say that all is known, or not to say it.
There is no way to predict what will happen if this person says s/he found out about the cheating. The right question to ask is whether s/he wants to stay with the cheating spouse. If s/he does, then his/her talking is not the way to go, because it will surely backfire. This person should say nothing if s/he wants the other person to stay. This person should bear in mind that the spouse might go away some day anyways.
How to react to cheating is a very personal decision, and one that shouldn't be made lightly.