sd-7

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Posts by sd-7

• 
  33

  Blondie's Comments You Will Not Hear at the 06-09-2013 WT Study (READ BIBLE)

  by blondie in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  comments you will not hear at the 06-09-2013 wt study (april 15, 2013, pages 7-11)(read bible).

  4. what does it mean to read the bible in an undertone?.

  1:6) how, then, are we to understand jesus words about this generation?

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  sd-7

  17 For good reason, Paul wrote: “As for

  us who belong to the day [especially Batman, who

  finally stepped out into the light to stop Bane and save

  the city], let us keep

  our senses [lose all rational, objective thinking ability] and have on the breastplate

  of faith [blind belief] and love [sacrifice of all that you are

  for the sake of people who could care less about you] and as a helmet the

  hope of salvation [and hope to be rewarded after you're dead,

  but then if you're dead, you can't confirm that anything you did while

  you were alive was at all worth it, since you're kinda hoping the guys

  printing this magazine aren't just b.s.ing you].” (1 Thess. 5:8) A soldier’s

  heart needs protection from the

  enemy [Cheerios can help with that, I hear]. Similarly, a Christian’s figurative

  heart requires shielding from the power

  of sin ["Are our shields even up?" "We can't take another hit like that! Their weapons

  are powerful!"].

  What happens when a servant

  of Jehovah [one of Jehovah's Witnesses] couples strong faith in God’s

  promises [blind belief in what the Watchtower says] with love for Him

  [the Watchtower] and for fellow

  humans [fellow Witnesses and potential recruits until they reject our message]? Such a servant puts on a

  spiritual breastplate of the highest quality.

  It is unlikely that he will do anything [stupid or whatever the Watchtower says is wrong today]

  to lose God’s [the Watchtower's/the elders'] favor.
• 
  33

  Blondie's Comments You Will Not Hear at the 06-09-2013 WT Study (READ BIBLE)

  by blondie in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  comments you will not hear at the 06-09-2013 wt study (april 15, 2013, pages 7-11)(read bible).

  4. what does it mean to read the bible in an undertone?.

  1:6) how, then, are we to understand jesus words about this generation?

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  sd-7

  16 Jews in the Macedonian city of Beroea

  had the custom of “carefully examining

  the Scriptures daily.” ["...to make sure these things were so."

  Not just for the hell of it, but to confirm that nobody

  was shoveling a load of sh-- at 'em. That

  may not have turned out so well.] When Paul

  preached the good news to those Jews [especially the prophecy

  about 1914, oh, right, God didn't revealed that to him,

  but everything else was totally in line with current

  Watchtower teachings],

  they compared his words with their

  knowledge of the Scriptures [which may have been lacking,

  since quite a few Old Testament prophecies about Jesus

  were taken out of context, but hey, it's cool. Holy spirit

  obviously enlightened the apostles to give those words a

  higher meaning]. The result?

  Many were convinced that he was teaching

  the truth [as is taught today in the pages of

  the Watchtower], and they “became believers [Jehovah's Witnesses].”

  (Acts 17:10-12) This shows that daily

  reading of the Bible promotes strong

  faith in Jehovah [and/or the Watchtower]. Such faith, “the assured

  expectation of things hoped for [a belief in something promised

  to you by people who have routinely failed to deliver on promises for the

  past century, or indeed, the past two millennia],” is vital

  if we are [not to be slaughtered at Armageddon by a guy who has a

  sword sticking out of his f***ing mouth and a bloody white robe] to survive into God’s new

  world.—Heb. 11:1.
• 
  33

  Blondie's Comments You Will Not Hear at the 06-09-2013 WT Study (READ BIBLE)

  by blondie in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  comments you will not hear at the 06-09-2013 wt study (april 15, 2013, pages 7-11)(read bible).

  4. what does it mean to read the bible in an undertone?.

  1:6) how, then, are we to understand jesus words about this generation?

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  sd-7

  15 Like King Solomon, pray to Jehovah

  for wisdom in carrying out theocratic

  responsibilities [but don't expect to be rewarded

  with his level of wisdom, or his incredible wealth,

  or to be up to your eyeballs in hot, exotic women]. (2 Chron. 1:7-10) As

  did the prophets of old, make “a diligent

  inquiry and a careful search” of God’s

  Word for accurate knowledge of Jehovah

  and his will [using the Watchtower Library,

  which is your only shot at accurate knowledge]. (1 Pet. 1:10-12) The apostle

  Paul encouraged Timothy to nourish

  himself “with the words of the faith [Watchtower scrolls, no doubt] and

  of the fine teaching [of the governing body].” (1 Tim. 4:6) By your

  doing so, you will be in an excellent position

  to help others spiritually [to obey the Watchtower]. At the

  same time, you will build up your own

  faith [in the Watchtower, thus reducing or, we hope,

  eliminating the massive amounts of cognitive dissonance

  you may or may not be experiencing. No, don't look it up,

  please. You can't even pronounce it, it's beyond you, just

  forget I said it, in fact I'll cross it out now].
• 
  33

  Blondie's Comments You Will Not Hear at the 06-09-2013 WT Study (READ BIBLE)

  by blondie in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  comments you will not hear at the 06-09-2013 wt study (april 15, 2013, pages 7-11)(read bible).

  4. what does it mean to read the bible in an undertone?.

  1:6) how, then, are we to understand jesus words about this generation?

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  sd-7

  14 Clearly, the Bible [and the Watchtower] contains many

  words that can encourage [beat], correct [maim], or

  strengthen [break entirely] its readers. But you may ask,

  ‘How can I have scriptures at the ready

  when I need them?’ [Wow, u must be dum to azk dat qweschun. Dum az nailz.

  U culd reed de Biblez and haz it at yur handz awl de tyme.] Read the Bible and

  meditate on God’s thoughts daily [especially in the form of Watchtower books,

  which are as close to God's thoughts as you'll ever get]. In that

  way, you will build a reserve of divine expressions

  that Jehovah’s spirit can help

  you recall when you need them [because apparently,

  holy spirit results in an improved memory, it's not just that

  you actually read the Bible a lot, which in itself, like any

  actual reading/memorization routine, would

  enable even an atheist to remember where Bible verses are located.

  Hmm. Is it possible holy spirit has nothing to do with your

  ability to remember scriptures? It could be that your mind

  remembers things after being exposed to them over and over.

  Wow. Son of a b----. Who knew?].—Mark

  13:11; read John 14:26.*
• 
  33

  Blondie's Comments You Will Not Hear at the 06-09-2013 WT Study (READ BIBLE)

  by blondie in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  comments you will not hear at the 06-09-2013 wt study (april 15, 2013, pages 7-11)(read bible).

  4. what does it mean to read the bible in an undertone?.

  1:6) how, then, are we to understand jesus words about this generation?

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  sd-7

  13 Regarding true worship and false [being one of Jehovah's

  Witnesses or not],

  many Israelites [Jehovah's Witnesses] in Elijah’s day were sitting

  on the fence [metaphor, you do know what a metaphor

  is, right? They weren't literally sitting on a fence. Well,

  some of them may have done that at some point, if they had

  fences to sit on, but mostly,

  metaphor]. Elijah’s counsel to

  those people could help an indecisive

  Bible student who [might be concerned he is being recruited

  into a cult, or that he has to give up violent video games, weed, or

  his really hot girlfriend of three years who you see every

  so often walking through the house in a pink tank top and sweatpants]

  is holding back

  from making spiritual progress [joining the cult officially]. (Read

  1 Kings 18:21.) Consider another situation:

  If an interested person fears the

  reaction of friends or family [their concern that he might be joining a cult],

  you might strengthen his or her resolve to [join the cult, obey the Watchtower] worship

  Jehovah by reasoning [appealing to emotion, especially fear, guilt and shame] on Isaiah 51:12,

  13.—Read [you do know how to read, right? We have a pamphlet for that if not, also

  the Simplified Edition of The Watchtower might help. "Who are you that you should...

  forget Jehovah your Maker?" I'm guessing that counts as reasoning somehow,

  although it sounds more like, if mortal man doesn't kill you, then I will, and I live

  a hell of a lot longer than mortal man, so you'd better join up, or I'm putting your

  a-- on the grill and turning it up to BROIL. 'Cause I loves me some human sacrifice].
• 
  33

  Blondie's Comments You Will Not Hear at the 06-09-2013 WT Study (READ BIBLE)

  by blondie in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  comments you will not hear at the 06-09-2013 wt study (april 15, 2013, pages 7-11)(read bible).

  4. what does it mean to read the bible in an undertone?.

  1:6) how, then, are we to understand jesus words about this generation?

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  sd-7

  12 Like Priscilla, Aquila, and Apollos,

  we can be a blessing to others [by making them better

  recruiters and thus better Jehovah's Witnesses]. When

  your encouragement helps an interested

  person [potential recruit] overcome an obstacle to his spiritual

  progress [especially if you get him to believe something that his

  rational mind would otherwise have surely rejected, or if

  you get him to close off his mind to any outside sources of

  information], how do you feel? Or as

  an elder [a--hole], how do you feel when a fellow

  worshipper [Jehovah's Witness] thanks you for Scriptural

  counsel [tongue-lashing] that [made him or her feel worse and

  then fall in line and reprogram themselves] helped him or her through

  a difficult time [the perfect time for you to rub salt in their wounds]? No doubt, using God’s

  Word [the Watchtower] to help others to improve their

  lives [to obey the Watchtower] is a source of satisfaction and joy [gives you

  temporary relief from the pressure to do more for the Watchtower, for about 5 minutes

  before you go to bed at 3 a.m. after you just saved Sister Mania from a suicide attempt

  that you didn't bother to suggest she seek professional help for before or afterwards,

  though you knew how depressed she was because she kept calling you to tell you].*

  Notice how you might accomplish that

  goal [just change the word 'might' to the word 'should'--it's

  not like you're going to come up with anything on your own

  as far as how to accomplish an actual goal].
• 
  33

  Blondie's Comments You Will Not Hear at the 06-09-2013 WT Study (READ BIBLE)

  by blondie in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  comments you will not hear at the 06-09-2013 wt study (april 15, 2013, pages 7-11)(read bible).

  4. what does it mean to read the bible in an undertone?.

  1:6) how, then, are we to understand jesus words about this generation?

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  sd-7

  11 After preaching in Ephesus, Apollos

  went to Achaia [we have to explain this because

  we kinda don't want you reading too much into how

  the organization did things back in the first century--it

  might confuse you, what with him not

  going from door to door or anything]. “When he got there,

  he greatly helped those who had believed

  on account of God’s undeserved

  kindness; for with intensity he thoroughly

  proved the Jews to be wrong

  publicly, while he demonstrated by the

  Scriptures that Jesus was the Christ.”

  (Acts 18:27, 28) By that time, Apollos

  could correctly explain the meaning of

  Christian baptism [duh! It means accepting that our

  dedication identifies us as one of Jehovah's Witnesses

  in association with his spirit-directed organization! Aren't

  you glad we know what Apollos knew?]. With his increased

  understanding, he “greatly helped” new

  ones to make progress in true worship [as Jehovah's Witnesses].

  What can we learn from this account?

  Like Apollos, we strive [in vain, without the Watchtower

  or a Watchtower-trained and approved representative] to understand

  what we read in the Bible. However,

  when an experienced fellow believer [one of Jehovah's Witnesses

  who is in good standing and has been studying the current Watchtower

  literature]

  suggests how we can teach more effectively,

  we want to accept that help with

  humility and gratitude [do exactly what he says, so far as it is

  exactly what the Watchtower says]. If we do so, the

  quality of our sacred service will improve [our recruitment numbers,

  and in turn our cash flow, will go up].
• 
  33

  Blondie's Comments You Will Not Hear at the 06-09-2013 WT Study (READ BIBLE)

  by blondie in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  comments you will not hear at the 06-09-2013 wt study (april 15, 2013, pages 7-11)(read bible).

  4. what does it mean to read the bible in an undertone?.

  1:6) how, then, are we to understand jesus words about this generation?

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  sd-7

  10 Apollos was [again,NOT Carl Weathers] a Jewish Christian

  [one of Jehovah's Witnesses] who

  was “well versed in the Scriptures” and

  “aglow with the spirit.” The book of Acts

  relates about him: “He went speaking

  and teaching with correctness the things

  about Jesus, but being acquainted with

  only the baptism of John.” Without realizing

  it, Apollos had been teaching an

  out-of-date understanding of baptism [obviously

  he hadn't been reading the latest Watchtower scrolls

  from the little-g, little-b, governing body].

  After hearing him teach in Ephesus, a

  Christian [Jehovah's Witness] couple named Priscilla and

  Aquila explained “the way of God more

  correctly to him [to save him from a judicial

  committee, 'cause if he disagreed with them in any way,

  they were taking his a-- straight to the apostle Paul].” (Acts 18:24-26) How

  did this benefit Apollos? [Well, he fared a lot better than Carl Weathers'

  character, who sadly got beat to death by Dolph Lundgren. Although...

  I guess there are worse ways to go. Did you see that 'Game of Thrones' episode

  last week? Of course not, you better not have! Or I'll tell the elders! That show is demonic!]
• 
  33

  Blondie's Comments You Will Not Hear at the 06-09-2013 WT Study (READ BIBLE)

  by blondie in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  comments you will not hear at the 06-09-2013 wt study (april 15, 2013, pages 7-11)(read bible).

  4. what does it mean to read the bible in an undertone?.

  1:6) how, then, are we to understand jesus words about this generation?

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  sd-7

  9 While it is important that you daily

  read a portion of the Bible, you also

  want to gain understanding and insight [which would be impossible without

  the...see below--->].

  Therefore, make good use of the [--->]

  publications of Jehovah’s organization [<<---Yeah, that's it!

  Watchtower books!]

  to research the background of people,

  places, and events you read about [rather than going

  to your local library, using the Internet, or going through

  any other mental effort, since we've already gathered all

  possible information about everything Bible-related and put it

  in our books]. Or if

  you wonder how a certain Bible teaching

  might affect your life [ie. whether or not it might kill you or

  perhaps cause you immeasurable pain], you could ask

  a congregation elder or another mature

  Christian for help [to make the decision for you,

  then convince you it was your idea, like you're participating in your own

  Inception [cue 'Inception' soundtrack]]. To illustrate the importance

  of increasing our understanding [of Watchtower teachings],

  let us consider the example of one

  first-century Christian [who was quite obviously one of

  Jehovah's Witnesses and taught the exact same

  thing you are being taught in the Watchtower right now] who strove to do

  just that. His name was Apollos [I know you're thinking of

  that violent boxer Carl Weathers played in that boxing movie, but just put an 's'

  at the end of his name and put some 1st century clothes on

  him, and that's Apollos, okay? Focus].
• 
  33

  Blondie's Comments You Will Not Hear at the 06-09-2013 WT Study (READ BIBLE)

  by blondie in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  comments you will not hear at the 06-09-2013 wt study (april 15, 2013, pages 7-11)(read bible).

  4. what does it mean to read the bible in an undertone?.

  1:6) how, then, are we to understand jesus words about this generation?

  1. 
  2. 
  3. 
• 

  sd-7

  8 The beneficial points just mentioned

  are from Bible books that some [namely, you] may consider

  difficult to understand [and indeed, impossible without the Watchtower]. As you examine

  the books of Hosea, Joel, and Nahum

  with a desire to learn [and accept only what the Watchtower says about it], you will want

  to read other verses from them in an

  undertone [though preferably not all of it in context, that might be risky, just read

  a verse and then look it up on the WT Library]. Imagine how much wisdom

  and comfort await you in the writings of

  those prophets! [Bane: "You'll just have to imagine the comfort!"]

  And what about the rest

  of the Bible [proof texts]? God’s Word is like a productive

  diamond mine. Work that mine

  well [you filthy dogs, or no gruel for you]! Yes, read the whole Bible with the

  goal of finding gems of divine guidance

  and reassurance [which can only really be unearthed by reading the Watchtower

  alongside it].