Posts by greenie

46

Do mixed marriages work? What about kids?

by greenie in

i'm new and have posted something along these lines recently on another thread, but i'm wondering, do marriages between non-jws and jws work?

by "work" i mean can they be loving and happy?

and what about kids?

greenie

We've actually talked about the blood transfusion thing. I've tried to explain to him how the new partial allowances don't make sense bc you still have to store blood to even make those treatments. I've also told him that JWs used to not be allowed organ transplants. He didn't know that but it didn't seem to make any effect on how he feels. He has told me that if our child needed a lifesaving blood transfusion he wouldn't go against what I would want. He says he doesn't see how he could overrule that. However, if it was him in the emergency situation, he'd want me to tell the doctors no. I told him I'd just have to stay silent (I can't murder him...).

We still need to talk in greater details about the holidays. I think he knows I will celebrate them, but I don't know what he thinks about our child. He has said that our child will just have to be exposed to both of our religions. Some of this to me sounds progressive for a JW based on what I've read on this site. Any thoughts?

He obviously can't go back right now in our current situation, but I'm nervous because I have no idea how he envisions our life when he does.

LB - What improvements are you seeing? How did you reach them?

OTWO - I agree that if we didn't have a baby I would have put much, much more thought into this and tested the situation more. I bet we would've dated for a very long time, and I'm not sure how it would've worked out. I always wonder how he got so far away from the religion to meet me (the worldly girl - and can I say how much I hate that term!) and have a baby with me! And I feel guilty when I hope that he will stay that way, or go back and decide to move away from it again. God is important to me and I hate to deny it to him.

46

Do mixed marriages work? What about kids?

by greenie in

i'm new and have posted something along these lines recently on another thread, but i'm wondering, do marriages between non-jws and jws work?

by "work" i mean can they be loving and happy?

and what about kids?

greenie

Hi all,

I'm new and have posted something along these lines recently on another thread, but I'm wondering, do marriages between non-JWs and JWs work? By "work" I mean can they be loving and happy? And what about kids? I am a non-JW (and a never want to be a JW)engaged to be married to an inactive but wanting to return JW, and we have a baby together. Have any of you ever been raised in a mixed household and NOT grown up JW, I'm really interested in that scenario but any thoughts are welcome.

Thanks!

41

So confused

by greenie in

jw
friends

so i've been reading this board for a while but never posted.

so, go easy on me!

i have a lot of thoughts, but they're not going to be totally clear.. my story: i was dating a guy, not long, but totally fell in love with him.

greenie

Wellllll, I've spoken to him some more and it doesn't look like he's giving up his views any time soon. At times I feel strong and like "I can do this" but at others I feel a little down...a lot down, at the situation I've gotten myself into. At the same time, I do love him and I would marry the guy that I've been with this whole time, but that guy is not a JW. I know many of you have said to not marry him, but not marrying him feels like as big of a deal as marrying him would be.

When we talk about religion, it's like I can never win because I can't quote scripture like him. He says that he gets all his answers from the Bible. I don't know how to explain to him that his answers, although they come from the Bible, lose some validity for me because the men in Bethel were the ones who told him where to look in the Bible for those answers. Ugh.

Choosing Life - how does your mixed marriage work? Do you have kids?

10

Is there a copy of the September 2009 OKM available for reading/download?

by insearchoftruth in

greenie

What IS mental-regulating?

41

So confused

by greenie in

jw
friends

so i've been reading this board for a while but never posted.

so, go easy on me!

i have a lot of thoughts, but they're not going to be totally clear.. my story: i was dating a guy, not long, but totally fell in love with him.

greenie

Thanks WC and UC! When we talk about religious points, I first try to do it lovingly and also temper his guilty feelings. He definitely has a hiiiiiiiiiiiigh degree of guilt. I can't believe a religion that motivates through guilt and such negative emotions. I just let him know that I love him unconditionally, and that I learn that love from my religion and my family. If I don't start that way then we're sure to end up in an argument about whatever we're discussing. I almost think it confuses him a little. But it also makes me really angry that anyone or group would try to make someone I love feel so bad about himself. I never liked a bully and always rooted for the underdog.

We have had discussions about many things, but especially blood, and birthdays and holidays. I think that's it's REALLY interesting, especially now as a mom, that white blood cells, which are forbidden even in the new partial-blood rules as I understand it, are passed to the baby in breast milk, so that the baby is LITERALLY consuming blood. I mean, literally eating it. How would God make a mistake that big in how his creation survives and thrives if he also meant to expressedly forbid "consuming" blood. It simply doesn't make sense. Also, why don't intentions matter to JWs? I don't participate in Easter egg hunts because I hope to become more fertile or worship some Goddess that I've honestly NEVER heard of and so of course DO NOT believe in. It's just ridiculous. And also that when Jesus "chose" this group, they were celebrating birthdays and Christmas. That was the group he chose. So this group now, would the Jesus that chose them (I guess I say it that way because I don't think they were the chosen ones) even recognize them now?

The more weedy issues (was Jesus really Michael the archangel, all this business about 1914 and the 144,000) really confuse me and I don't get why they are important. I don't even really like thinking about them because they aren't important to me and make my brain hurt, but I guess since they are a reason he hangs onto his religion, I might do well to get a primer on them. Any suggestions for where to do that? I'd also be interested to find why or why not a woman can be a minister. In my religion, women can, I've just never asked why that was or wasn't ok. I also think the "light getting brighter near the end" is an ingenious tool, I'll give them that, but I'd love to know how to address that one. I also know I won't get anywhere in a discussion if I can't show logic from the Bible. That's my biggest downfall.

My overall impression of the religion's appeal (unless you were raised in it) is that people like a formula - a very specific set of instructions that say "if you do all this, and don't do any of this you WILL go to Heaven (or Paradise Earth)." I believe that most things aren't just that black and white, and that's ok with me.

Undercover, I am really looking forward to thoughtfully learning more from the experiences of folks on this site.

41

So confused

by greenie in

jw
friends

so i've been reading this board for a while but never posted.

so, go easy on me!

i have a lot of thoughts, but they're not going to be totally clear.. my story: i was dating a guy, not long, but totally fell in love with him.

greenie

Thanks everyone for the information. The one part I'm really confused about in many of your responses is why you think I would have a life with no holidays, no bdays, etc. I understand that's a JW lifestyle, but I have NO plans to become one and he knows that (he's said he would never pressure me to convert). Those are HIS choices, not mine, and he knows that. I think he's coming to grips with if he wants me, that's what he has to expect. I don't plan to be obnoxious about it and throw a Christmas party while he sits in our room, but he knows fully that I WILL NOT stop celebrating holidays and bdays, especially with my child. I think when he's witnessed those celebrations with my family he's seen that they're not all the debaucherous, pagan affairs some make them out to be. Besides, when he came into my life, he was happy to do all those things (he might not have wished anyone a happy bday or gone to Midnight Mass with me, but he came to the parties and to the present openings on Christmas day), and I've told him that he can't just switch things one day. He fell in love with me for a reason, and it wasn't because I was the picture of a perfect JW woman. When we've had big religious talks he's also said that he doesn't care how we're together (married or not), but at the end of the day he wants to be with me. I think he's willing to work with me on compromises; he is a really good guy. Oh, and he said he would go to a counselor. I'm nervous and excited about that.

I think his family might not be as strict as others. He has a sibling I said doesn't practice at all anymore who isn't DF'd; they were allowed to have worldly friends growing up; his parents know I'm not a JW and they seem to really like me; there's another nonJW spouse in the family that is very loved.

Yknot: thanks for the personal information. Can you share anymore? How is your marriage mixed? Who's what? Any other tips? Oh, and what's an SB?

Also, does anyone that was raised a JW or in a mixed marriage, or IS raising kids in a mixed marriage have any advice for how I can talk to our child about both our beliefs and shield the baby a bit from some of the scarier JW teachings? I remember almost peeing my pants at an evangelical service when I was little when they said I was going to be swallowed up by the pits of hell when the trumpets blew. YIKES!

41

So confused

by greenie in

jw
friends

so i've been reading this board for a while but never posted.

so, go easy on me!

i have a lot of thoughts, but they're not going to be totally clear.. my story: i was dating a guy, not long, but totally fell in love with him.

greenie

Vilot: I'm pretty sure he wants both.

41

So confused

by greenie in

jw
friends

so i've been reading this board for a while but never posted.

so, go easy on me!

i have a lot of thoughts, but they're not going to be totally clear.. my story: i was dating a guy, not long, but totally fell in love with him.

greenie

CookieMonster: No, I don't think he reads this board. He has told me what they say about apostates before. I swear when he shares those nuggets it sounds like he's reciting. He has gone to church with me before to be fair since I've gone to JW things with him. Of course then he just had a bunch of questions about what was done and said that I couldn't answer.

Jamie: Thanks for your comments. In my opinion, I don't really care if he thinks he'd be head of the household and I'm sure he knows who he's marrying, so would be shocked if he really thought I'd go along with that. Also, I don't care if the congregation isn't supportive because they wouldn't/aren't my network anyway.

BlueCanary: So far our conversations on this haven't been good. They turn into arguments because he is so focused on what he has been taught.

41

So confused

by greenie in

jw
friends

so i've been reading this board for a while but never posted.

so, go easy on me!

i have a lot of thoughts, but they're not going to be totally clear.. my story: i was dating a guy, not long, but totally fell in love with him.

greenie

He's not baptized. Doesn't that mean he can't be DF'd yet and doesn't have to go through getting reinstated?

41

So confused

by greenie in

jw
friends

so i've been reading this board for a while but never posted.

so, go easy on me!

i have a lot of thoughts, but they're not going to be totally clear.. my story: i was dating a guy, not long, but totally fell in love with him.

greenie

So I've been reading this board for a while but never posted. So, go easy on me! I have a lot of thoughts, but they're not going to be totally clear.

My story: I was dating a guy, not long, but totally fell in love with him. Loved every minute with him. Only wanted to be with him! We could talk for hours, go out alone or with friends and just have the greatest time. I actually met him through some mutual friends (non-JWs). As I'm sure you can guess, a little while into the relationship, I found out he was a JW. I didn't know what that meant, I just thought it was a really conservative Christian group. I am also Christian, but was always taught to be respective and accepting of others, by both my religion and my family. Several months after that we found out I was pregnant. We were SOOOOO excited! So happy! Then, a month later, I went to a JW event. Just trying to be nice and accepting. O.M.G. Was not prepared for that. I still can't believe the stuff they preached about is the stuff he actually believes.

I still love him, but I'm now so conflicted and confused, and I'll admit it...scared! We have our baby now, and we are engaged to be married. I'm not sure how it's going to work though. I most often consult this site to see how mixed relationships work for you guys, and also to see what to do with kids in mixed relationships. I haven't seen as much on that. Do you guys have any advice or posts I should consult? Were any I don't want my baby to be a JW.

I sometimes get the feeling that all JWs and congregations were not created equal, meaning that some congregations and members seem stricter or more conservative. Have you all found that? He comes from a family that are active to different degrees: mom and dad sort of are, maybe go the the KH every now and then, but big meetings usually. Reminds me of a lot of mainstream Christians at Christmas and Easter. =) One sibling is active and goes door to door. One had a Christmas tree last year. Another I'm sure hasn't rejected the faith, but doesn't go often. We have plenty of "worldly friends" (heck! I'm completely worldly!!!), the mutual friends that introduced us didn't even know he was a JW, we've gone to bday parties, halloween parties, etc. I know he wants to go back, but I just don't know what it's going to look like when/if he does. I do want to be with him, but I only know our current life, and I know I wouldn't want a JW life. I also don't want to confuse my child. Any ideas on any of this? Were any of you raised by mixed marriages?