i have just witnessed for myself one of the most hypocritical scenes ever before in my life!
my sister's ex husband, ( father to 3 boys, 12, 15, 20 years) commited suicide a few days ago.
he has been a jehova's witness all of his life and and also suffered from bi polar disorder for most of it also, particularly bad in the past 3 years.
Dear Caz,
I'm so sorry for your family's loss, and for the way more pain is piled on top by the cold behavior of the JWs. ((((hugs))))
I'm with Gary. The JWs may not cause the problems, but they sure as hell don't help solve them, and they often make them worse.
Love,
Jankyn
okay, first thank you to the greastest degree for the warm welcome and insight you all have given itis and me since i've started visiting your very apostate site.
my life as a jw.
it starts with my maternal grandmother.
Dear FreedomLover,
Thanks so much for sharing your story with us. As you know, we were pulling for you before we even knew you.
What struck me was your comment further down about how all the things that were supposed to be making you and ITIS closer (study, service, etc.) were putting a wall between the two of you. That's so true! The organization's interpretation of "Jehovah's plan for the family" doesn't include honesty or a genuine sharing of feelings and thoughts. How can you be close to someone that you're afraid to tell the truth to?
That's certainly been the case with me and the JWs in my family. I can't trust them to love me if I say something they disapprove of; without trust, love is impossible.
Great insight. See, you're new here, and you're already helping others. Welcome.
Jankyn
i know i did.. we had a young fellow who used to live at my grandmother's place.
in may ways he was like family.
after he moved out of my grandmother's place i saw him frequently.
My dad was disfellowshipped when I was eight. He was the first person I knew that had been disfellowshipped, and of course I never shunned him.
What that meant for me was a "secret" rebellion: Whenever we had a disfellowshipped person in the hall, I'd make a point of smiling and waving to them when my mom wasn't looking, and I would make a point of speaking to df'd people I saw in town. Yes, it was sneaky. But I was a child, and it was one of the ways I fought the indoctrination, at least successfully enough to save myself.
I will never forget the pain and humiliation of watching old family "friends" shun my father in the grocery store. What's worse is that they shunned me, too; then at the hall the next night acted as if nothing had happened at all.
Shunning sucks.
Jankyn
it may sound like a strange question, but aspects of jw behavior that are incomprehensible to outsiders actually make a morbid kind of sense when viewed through the lens of jw doctrine.
for example, about 10-12 years ago there was a single mother in my wifes congregation.
during the course of conversation, she learned that my wifes grandmother had recently passed away.
Yes, I agree with the posters who say that JW beliefs make death an option in a way that it isn't for other religions.
First, the point that people who die unbaptized will be resurrected after Armageddon. I obsessed on this as a child, especially after my dad was df'd, because I knew I'd never make it through Armageddon and I feared baptism, since I was sure I'd only fall short and be df'd. The only way for me to get to Paradise was to die before the big A, so I started contemplating suicide before I finished the 4th grade. (Just in case there are any doubters: a gifted, sensitive child and a controlling, abusive cult-bound family are not a good mix.)
Second, the idea that death is nothing but a dreamless sleep. For those of us who've suffered depression, this concept is actually comforting. My suicide attempts were less about dying and more about no longer wanting to live in pain. The idea of a dreamless sleep was the exact form of oblivion I was seeking through drugs and alcohol.
I'm just grateful that somebody offered me a way to live without pain that didn't involve self-destruction (you know, 12 steps, lots of therapy, support from loved ones).
As for suicide being unforgiveable, the word in our congregation (where there were a number of depressed persons who took their own lives in the late 70s) was that Jehovah would take into consideration their mental illness when judging them. Sort of a "get out of Armageddon free" card.
Jankyn, glad to be here after all these years class
well, we were going about our business today as we usually do on a monday.
mrs kwin went to work, kids went to school, i stayed home and made apple sauce and beer.
2:30 comes along and it's time to pick up everyone and, oh yeah ... we have that appointment today.
First, Kwin, I'm so sorry for the pain that you and your family are going through, and I'm so glad that you're making an effort to get help for yourself and your family.
This is my personal opinion, and based on my belief that, in order to heal, I need to act better than those who abuse me act.
I would ask for:
--an apology,
--some sensitivity training/counseling for the employee,
--assurance of confidentiality,
--and make sure that the company has a copy of the Watchtower that "exempts" JWs from "Caesar's" privacy laws, so that they know they're dealing with when they hire a JW.
I don't think calling for her firing would do any good, and would certainly just lead to her claiming that she's being persecuted "for Jehovah's name sake."
Instead, you've got an opportunity to educate others while making sure that you and your family are treated respectfully.
Whatever you decide to do, peace to you.
Best,
Jankyn
Happy Birthday--two days late from me, but better late than never!
Jankyn
but i have, as many others, followed your husband's story with much interest.
please accept my apology if i am too forward, but i would like to hear your viewpoint of this story.
i too have an intelligent, thinking wife that is still afraid to look beyond the organisation for hope.
Hang in there, Severus.
And Freedom Lover, it's so nice to meet you!
Jankyn
I got new wallpaper!
Jankyn
hi back again .has any body here been helped by shrinks?
i have seen psycholgists and psychiatrists off and for over 20 years and it .
hasnt helped me.
My experience:
Didn't work while I continued to self-medicate with alcohol and other drugs.
Didn't work when I wasn't completely honest with or didn't trust the therapist.
Didn't work when I was unwilling to make the changes in behavior and attitude suggested by the therapist.
Didn't work when I wasn't clear about what I hoped to gain from therapy.
Worked really, really well when I was clean and sober, found a therapist I trusted and was willing to be honest with, made changes in my behavior and attitude, and set clear goals and attainable goals for myself.
I attempted/seriously contemplated (to the point of making a plan) suicide 18 times between my 16th and 28th birthdays. I've now been drug and alcohol free for 19 years, haven't been suicidal in 18 years, have been in a stable and happy relationship for 14 years, finished BA, MA and Ph.D. degrees, and am gainfully employed in my chosen field.
So, with the caveats listed above, I'd recommend therapy to anyone who's really sick and tired of being sick and tired. Sometimes I feel like I should go back and apologize to my old therapists for wasting their time--but I guess not, since they were paid for it.
Jankyn, just as happy as if she had good sense class
we had a family with a single mother in the congregation bringing up 4 active and naughty boys.
(one of the boys was my best friend...).
single mum suffered from some emotional issues and it was well known in the congregation.
Sherry, you were NOT the only one laughing! Nor were you the only one getting stern looks -- my mother actually swatted one of my brothers for laughing so hard, but then, she was trying not to laugh herself.
Wow. That was a blast from the past!
Jankyn (grew up in Oregon congregations)
