Posts by babygirl30

14

Even though I'm OUT of the JWs - I still feel a lil guilty! (help)

by babygirl30 in

out of all the 'friends' i had while in the jws, only a few (4) still have contact with me - 2 of them being very close to me to this day.

one of these girls is about 6yrs older then me, so she has always been my 'big sis' so to speak!

anyhow she and her mom are jws and they live together, but are very 'relaxed' in their stance against me in that when i go out of town (which is on a regular basis) my gf will stay at my place to #1-get my mail, and #2-get a break from being up under her mom everyday!

babygirl30

Tea drinker - Thank you for making me feel BETTER about it! It makes me angry that I STILL hold ono these lil 'guilt' feelings that I really have no reason to anymore...I'm not a JW....haven't been a JW....don't believe in the org anymore. So to feel THIS guilty about it is weird to me. I'm at peace knowing my beliefs have changed and that I am free to do as I please - but my friend isn't, and so I have this awkward feeling of involuntarily messing her up - I guess is the term? I just don't want that weight on MY shoulders....

nugget - ur right, she's an adult!!! What she does is on HER...it's just like you said, the 'conditioning' is still VERY deep in me (only been out lil over 1yr) and it's just frustrating that tidbits of my past beliefs come creeping up out of nowhere!

LittleSister - honestly, the most SECURE friendships/relationships that I've formed have all been OUT of the org!!! It's the weirdest thing to explain to people how all the pics I had all over my house of 'friends'....are people that NO longer talk to me at all - because I am NOT a JW anymore. They just wrinkle up their faces in disbelief!! So congratulations on finding YOUR 'love' and not sacrificing that for whatever you were TOLD to do...my friend has been searching for love for a long time (haven't we all that were single JW gals?) It's the never-ending plight: grow up, get baptized, pioneer, find a good husband. UGH!!!!!!!!!! Unfortunately, her chances haven't come as readily as others (in the org nor in the world) and this guy comes along and they are enjoying each other...so whether it lasts or not, doesn't matter. She is HAPPY for now, and that makes me happy. She has a social life, she has someone to TALK about, she has someone to go out with - so I cna't fault her for living that way.

14

Even though I'm OUT of the JWs - I still feel a lil guilty! (help)

by babygirl30 in

out of all the 'friends' i had while in the jws, only a few (4) still have contact with me - 2 of them being very close to me to this day.

one of these girls is about 6yrs older then me, so she has always been my 'big sis' so to speak!

anyhow she and her mom are jws and they live together, but are very 'relaxed' in their stance against me in that when i go out of town (which is on a regular basis) my gf will stay at my place to #1-get my mail, and #2-get a break from being up under her mom everyday!

babygirl30

Out of all the 'friends' I had while in the JWs, only a few (4) still have contact with me - 2 of them being VERY close to me to this day. One of these girls is about 6yrs older then me, so she has always been my 'big sis' so to speak! Anyhow she and her mom are JWs and they live together, but are very 'relaxed' in their stance against ME in that when I go out of town (which is on a regular basis) my gf will stay at my place to #1-get my mail, and #2-get a break from being up under her mom everyday!

Long story short, my gf has met and befriended a 'non-JW' guy and they are now a couple!!! Now because I don't want to see this friend get hurt or in trouble (which is so ridiculous to say about a 38yr old woman...getting in 'trouble' like some child) I forewarned her about seeing this man! Don't ask me what came over me, but because she is sitll 'in' the org and I don't want to see anything bad happen to her - I figured that I would just talk to her about being careful, not going TOO far with this guy, not getting her emotions all caught up, etc. Needless to say, she and this man get 'invovled' (ahem...) and for the past 2 mos I have been out of town on trips and have allowed her to stay at my place. She asked if her bf could be there and I have no issue with that (they stay in one of my guest rooms). Finally I come home on Sun, and my gf asks to stay until Tues!!! She kinda threw me off cause normally she clears OUT when I get back, but THIS time she asked to hang out a lil longer, which I obliged. As we talk the next day (while I'm unpacking) she tells me about how her relationship is going, and that she is tired of it being a 'secret'...her mother DID recently find out and threatened to go to the elders on her own daughter (of whom she lives with AND financially supports her)....how she is too old to be dealing with this stuff at THIS stage in her life - why can't she have a male friend? Why can't she go out in public with him? Why can't she hang out with ME in public and not be afraid of the repurcussions? I kept my mouth shut and let her vent, but then I just couldn't take it anymore - I started out with "Look girl...you know full well what the consequences are IF you get caught with this guy, and I don't want to see you go through what I did.....BUT......you have to understand that my reasons for NOT going back are exactly the questions you are now asking! I read C.of C. and see things so much clearer now. I don't want to sit here and tell you about what I've read or even for 1 min think that I 'influenced' you in anyway from what you choose to believe, but everything we were taught is NOT 100% Biblical - and to me that is NOT good enough." She looked at me with a blank stare, bowed her head and said "I know...I know it's mostly man-made" and she caught me off guard!! There was a moment of silence where we just stood staring at each other, and I got uncomfortable and continued unpacking. BUT she kept talking, and asking more questions, and I DID answer her - but not straightforward answers, kinda 'general' ones.

Point is (guess it wasn't as short as I thought I could make it) ... I feel guilty to some degree. It's one thing that I have been convinced of what the JWs are about, but I still have this 'weird' feeling of doing something WRONG by talking to her (an active JW) about what I've learned about the org. Is that normal???? I don't even know why I feel like this. Like I'm betraying someone or something...and I've been OUT for over 1yr now!

7

HOW I GOT IN, THEN OUT, OF THE SEWER

by undertheradar in

i was replying to flippers re: did you exit the witnesses due to injustices/differences with doctrine - both?

and i found myself writing my experience and it got a bit long so i am posting here.

i am sorry i cant tell you my story more specifically but we have been front-page news in our area to do with our beliefs and some of the steps i have taken more recently to show my disgust at the injustices have been unique so it would be easy to recognise me.

babygirl30

Very well written story! Welcome...and thanks for sharing.

26

Jw`s and Charities

by zzaphod in

hi all, i left the wts in the late `80s, i`ve not really given them a thought, until one sleepless night recently i was trawling the `tinterweb, and came across various videos on youtube.

anyway`s, the reasons i left were many and varied, and one day i`ll sit down and relate them, but two things have always stuck in my mind, once i was asked "if someone could convince you that without a doubt "the truth" was wrong, would you believe them?

", to which i answered "of course i would", - that was me marked.

babygirl30

AT my old job, they made a BIG deal out of donating to United Way. So much so, they when you were hired they had a special form that you signed stating exactly how much out of your pay you wanted them to directly take OUT biweekly and give to UW!! Every 3 mos they had a 'drive' to earn more money (book sales, bake sales, walk-a-thons) and back THEN - I thought this was extremely greedy!!!! AT the time I was still a JW and my mother always told me that charities were a waste of money, most of the money went to 'salaries of the workers' NOT the actual charity, and that the money was only a 'temporary fix for what God's kingdom would fix forever'! So I would thumb my nose at all those people asking for donations and volunteering their time for their charities of choice.

...then I got my ass kicked by my abusive ex (a JW mind u) and it was recommended by my therapist that I attend FREE support 'group' mtgs for women who were survivors of domestic violence at the local shelter/coalition in my area. When I told my mother about this, and how GOOD I felt after going to my 1st mtg and being around others who had gone through the same things I did - she about had a nervous breakdown!!! TOld me I needed to rely more on Jehovah. The elders inquired on my 'recovery' from what had happened and I too admitted that 75% of my emotional health was being regained through this group for victims...they nicely reminded me that it wasn't 'mans' help that I needed but to strengthen my relationship with Jehovah in order for me to 'get better', and that I needed to pray and study more. Uh huh...........yeah...........ok............whatever. I continued going to the groups, and now over a year later, am joining their BOARD as an active member so that I can give back and am also taking the position where I will be actively SPEAKING against DV in the community!! I cant justify using their services, credit them for helping me get my life back on track (when the org tossed me OUT by DFing me) - then walk away without so much as even a 'thanks'. They helped ME, and so I now feel no guilt in helping others be it with my time or finances. Its the least I can for what was given to me.

35

Odd CO talk...ever hear anything like this?

by sir82 in

jw
friends

had our co visit last month.

normally the guy has all the charisma and charm of ben stein from "ferris buhler's day off", but he managed to give a talk that was actually coherent one night.. here is the rough outline:.

the theme was about the difference between "justice", "mercy", and "undeserved kindness".. situation 1: adam and eve sinned.

babygirl30

I remember this talk almost 2yrs ago!!!!!!! (Bro Burdine - who has the personality of a SNAIL) and it really confused the HELL outta me between the differnce of mercy and undeserved kindness.....to this DAY I don't get it. The one thing I DO recall most is that the said Jehovah would not extend 'mercy' to Adam and Eve because they were 'perfect' and so they would NOT qualify for the resurrection! That blew my mind.

11

Did Jarka get disfellowshipped yet?

by EmptyInside in

i don't know why this crossed my mind today.

but, i'm rather curious if a convicted murderer, jarka in this case, got df-d. i mean if murder isn't a disfellowshipping offense, i don't know what is.

a few weeks ago i related this case to my brother, who is an elder.

babygirl30

My ex was physically abusive, found guilty in a court of law, and still was not df'd........until almost a year later for something ELSE (not the assault)! So believe it or not, it does happen that someone in the secular courts who is blatantly GUILTY of said offense, can 'walk' in the cong!!!

7

Clearly There Have Been Some Changes Since The 80's!

by The Rapster in

i'm fascinated by such widespread use of the word apostate in these threads.

has something happened with the term since i began ignoring jw dogma in the 80's ?

it appears a weird turn was taken somewhere in the last 25 years.. such liberal sprinkling of the word must mean one of several things: either the death grip of brooklyn has tightened around followers necks by expanding what an apostate is these days, or many are simply overplaying your card by dousing this most unholy description into everything from watching r rated movies to (jehovah forbid!

babygirl30

Hi Rapster!

I don't know if it's become more widespread (I was a kid in the 80s but still raised in the org) but I only recognized 'apostate' becoming more prevalent in the past 5 yrs. Once the org started those 'tract campaigns' every year...it seemed like they were harping more and more on NOT taking OTHER peoples literature (while readily shoving JW literature down THEIR throats). I think the fact that the internet has become SO readily available to everyone makes it necessary for the org to start trying to 'isolate' their people even more and have less exposure to any information OTHER then their own...I believe that throwing around the term 'apostate' and defining it as often as they are now, leads the rank and file to FEAR even being called such a thing!!!

76

STOP Talking to Your Family OR ELSE!

by UnDisfellowshipped in

jw
friends

" (the watchtower july 1st 1963 issue, page 411).

" (the watchtower july 1st 1963 issue, page 413).

" (the watchtower july 15th 1963 issue, page 446).

babygirl30

To a neutral non-Witness its a chilling piece of emotional blackmail - to many Witnesses its sound counsel from the Slave.

NO truer words have been said! No matter how you flip it - it's nothing more then blackmail, messing with people's feelings and tugging on their heart strings.

27

JW's a RELIGION based on PERFORMANCE! How dangerous is that???

by freewilly01 in

jw
friends

i have come to realize that this religion is based almost solely on performance and that is the most dangerous.. i always felt that as a person or jw (while an active witness)that i was always just as good as my last assignment, comment at the watchtower meeting, feild service report.. this left me with a huge identity crisis in the borgorg......... i really didn't know who the hell i was?.

did any of you feel similair?

.

babygirl30

Isn't it really SCAREY when the lightbulb goes off and you suddenly SEE things as they are: MS's/Pioneers/Elders are NOT chosen based on 'holy spirit' but are considered qualified solely off how much TIME they spend in service and how spiritual they APPEAR to be in front of the congregation. If you show up at all the mtgs, you comment, you have your books underlined - then you are 'appointed'.

Soooooooooo superficial! After reading Crisis of Conscience, i see WHY and HOW it's all about performance, like you said.

21

JW therapist????

by maninthemiddle in

i read on a facebook thread some talking about going to a jw therapist, i didnt't know there were any.

i remember a young girl that da and my mother blamed it on a "worldly" therapist.

knowing what i know of her family it had to be the best decision of her life.. .

babygirl30

My therapist is well versed in the JW ways, as she has several 'clients' that are DF'd - so she makes it VERY easy to open up and discuss all my feelings about the religion. But to actually deal WITH a JW, I don't know...