1. You're wife's identity IS being a JW...that's all she knows, that's WHO she is! As difficult as that is to understand NOW that you are out - being able to comprehend the depth of that identity will help you SEE why she reacted the way she did. Remember, JWs are taught that anything/anyone that even remotely 'threatens' their spirituality is to be REMOVED from their life!!! Unfortunately, they nit-pick it right down to if a person even disagrees with 1 belief of theirs, or questions something an elder said off the platform - to be a 'threat', and thus THAT is enough of a reason for them to separate themselves from a person. Your wifes tearing up your Bible and all was frustration, I get it. BUT that was not 'wifely' (according to JW teachings) and you CAN nicely remind her of that. You technically are doing nothing wrong nor harming her spirituality...but again, in JW world, your research is like holding Satans hand while you skip up the street!!!! (aka - it's bad to them)
2. I think someone else suggested calling her bluff...she could get a separation (according to JWs) because THEY feel that her spirituality is threatened by your lack of interest in the religion any longer, but she CANNOT be granted a scriptural divorce!! Boo hiss...unless you dip your wick in somone ELSES candleholder (or she falls on a stick) - then nobody has grounds for divorce.
3. The more you LEARN about the real deal of JWs - the LESS you need to verbalize it. I'm not saying 'hide' how you feel, but unfortunately, with a die-hard JW in your midst, it will be extremely difficult to talk about what you have discovered. That in itself (not being able to share) can be frustrating and hard to deal with...but you really need to be careful until you have made a decision where you stand in JW world (in or out). They will throw up the apostate flag with a quickness, and once that is in the mix, it expedites EVERYTHING and villianizes you.
4. When you first 'see' clearly how things are done in JW land, it can be really confusing and scarey. Like everyone else here has said - TAKE YOUR TIME. Read, read more, and then read some more!!!!
5. Do not let your wifes defensive stance change YOUR mind and don't let her attitude bully you either. All the threats she is making are just her being scared! But it's not a relevant fear - and you recognize that. It's something she was TAUGHT to have. Whether you are a JW or not, you are still her husband - and thus - head of that family/household. She cannot dictate to YOU what your kids will be, how they will be raised, etc. That is a JOINT decision, and as the head, that moreso lies in your hands.
WELCOME to the board.
