DubR,
Very sorry to hear about all you have been through. I had a very tough life too. Not raised in the WT, my parents were Catholic. Both of them were addicts and my father was very abusive emotionally and physically with the five kids. He also tried to sexually abuse me starting at a young age. I was able to fend him off. So I do empathize with others who had a tough upbringing also.
Anyway the JW's have a very narrow view of the bible and take everything literally. Most balanced Chrisitans (and yes there are a few of us out there) do not do this. We do not really even know if our current understanding about how we interpret the bible is fully correct or not. There have been many changes in laguage, culture, etc. in the past 2,000 years. But for some of us, myself included, our belief in God is not based on wether or not we correctly interpret scripture. Even Jesus told the Pharisees "you examine the scriptures daily because you think by means of them you will be saved, but you refuse to come to me". The Christian faith is based on a personal relationship with God thru his the life and teachings of his son Jesus Christ.
You know, the JW's are not the only ones to abuse people in the name of religion. My parents who were Catholic told us kids that if we did not obey them we would burn in hell. I remember my father once telling me how awful I was (probably becuase I would not have sex with him) when I was only 7. He told me he was going to slit my throat while I was sleeping and I was going to hell that very night. I did not sleep for two whole days. For me the only thing that put my mind at ease was praying to God to please not burn me. You cannot imagine how much fear I was in. I am 40 years old and suffer post traumatic stress becasue of my Catholic upbringing. Being a witness was a piece of cake for me compared to having fear of burning alive forever. Thankfully now the Catholic church has changed this.
But my point being, people are spiritually and emotionally abused in the name of religion all the time. And it has absolutely nothing to do with God. It has more to do with our sinful nature and the fact that man is always trying to dominate and control others. God did not invent religous institutions and niether did Jesus. In fact Jesus placed himself radically outside the religion of his day.
I feel this way personally, just because I had a terrible childhood, a bad experience in TWO religions and am not sure entirely if I understand every word in the bible does not mean I have to become totally athiest and give up on God. Nor does anyone else have to. These things are simply not his fault although since atrocities are committed in his name it is understandable why he is blamed. But for me, If anything, my experiences have only strenghtened my faith and it may just be because of how I view things.
For me in my darkest moments when I was afraid and had no parents to rely on, when I prayed and was given a feeling of calm, that was God. And during the times I felt totally lost in the world and like no one loved me and looked around and saw the beuaty all around me and realized yes, someone does care because he made all these beautiful things for me, that was my walk with God. And other times I wondered why I was put on earth anyway when most of my life I had to suffer, instead of resenting God, I felt blessed to just be alive. Because even in adversity I have been able to enjoy much beauty in my life too. For me it was God who gave me this optimistic view and spirit and I felt his presence many times during my darkest moments. But still can I fully explain exactly what or who God is? Probably not.
I am glad I believed in a God and felt he cared because if not, I would have killed myself a long time ago.
For those who simply cannot believe in a God, believe in these things then; love, charity, friendship, family, goodness, kindness, happiness. And hopefully you will have peace in your life no matter what happens. Lilly