Gointhru are you disfellowshiped? If not it is a worry. But here's the thing. You sound like me so this advice comes from someone who completely understands. Have you tried sitting down, maybe after a special dinner ( I know that might be hard if things have got beyond that point but try) and really pouring your heart out. No raised voice, no arguing, no Borg talk, just " I am scared for our family, marriage whatever...if I'm bird food can't you give me this small few years? No one in the hall is going to care for you in old age, sickness and health etc and get the truth out of her. On her word as someone who should not lie much less to her mate. The Borg use emotional manipulation. You use your emotions ( only it's not manipulation Its how you really feel as a human and a husband, You are actually frightened. Tell her many folks do this by stealth but you can't help but let how you think and feel come out.
My instinct is this list is both. For her own research and possibly a list to show elders...she's confused. She's being torn. I'm sorry for her, I'm sorry for you. And it makes me mad too. But she is listening too you, deep down there is that little voice that says this man has not done me wrong before, he was a witness....he wouldn't be a fool and throw it in for nothing. She knows there's something wrong.