I can understand the pressure to return especially if you have family who are believers. The recent assembly has reinforced the message that if you are df'd family members must shun you. What the family rarely appreciates is how hard some people work to get reinstated but forgiveness is withheld. If you have challenged the authority of the elders in some way it will take a lot longer to get reinstated than if you have committed a sin. Holy spirit is not involved in their decision.They are men and will be influenced by many things and are not exempt from petty vindictiveness or loyalty to friends.
I would recommend that you step off the treadmill and take some time out and examine the religion to see if this effort is worthwhile and whether they are worthy of the effort you are making. JWfacts and JWsurvey are good places to start.
We are so conditioned into thinking that they are the route to salvation sometimes we do not question whether this is the case. Be a Borean and check out beliefs and doctrines before putting yourself through contnued mental abuse.