Posts by AggieNostic

71

MIL letter to my wife

by AggieNostic in

background: my wife and i are inactive, we stopped attending in 2005. raised as jws, were pioneers, i was elder etc... .

our kids are in college, also inactive but are baptised.

my wife went back to college, getting her degree this month at age 48!

Shared your comments with my wife and children - we really appreciate your words and possible suggestion scenarios. It is sad that this type of emotional drama goes on for countless others like us. I hope that any of you that are facing similar situations can draw comfort that you are not alone and we have a support system of supportive folks that understand and desire to help us.

Yesterday evening, my wife texted her Mom: "I rec'd your letter and is it safe to assume that you and Dad will not be attending my college graduation ceremony in 2 weeks?"

MIL replied: "Yes, we will be there - we love you and know you worked very hard for your degree. We just want you to return to Jehovah"

Mixed signals to say the least. One day MIL is sending letter that uses fear, guilt, blackmail and then the next replies to text above.

I believe they truly dont want to shun us, but they are afraid that their god will punish them by not following the WT rules. Sad. We most likely will not respond to her letter and just keep doing what we have been - being there for them, love them unconditionally and at the same time - refuse to shun our siblings who are DF'd.

71

MIL letter to my wife

by AggieNostic in

background: my wife and i are inactive, we stopped attending in 2005. raised as jws, were pioneers, i was elder etc... .

our kids are in college, also inactive but are baptised.

my wife went back to college, getting her degree this month at age 48!

AggieNostic

Thanks all for the comments and suggestions - we will think on this some more before replying or not - keep the ideas coming!

Just to clarify: we have not voluntarily stopped association with them, in fact, until they announced that they would stop socializing with us - we would stop by their house, have lunch/dinner with them etc. Our kids have always stopped by to see them when they are in town - both attend college out of state... But in respect to their wishes, we had stopped dropping by...

Contrast this with my parents - who attend another congregation, they do not shun us and have never said such things. My wife's parents are uber fanatical and attend a very strict and over zealous/self righteous congregation...

Definitely emotional blackmail, but if you read the last part, it seems my MIL is also slamming my wife for getting her college degree - slaving for riches... the letter jumps around and MIL just keeps piling on the guilt, fear, accusations etc... The way they behave is that they only shun because they dont want Jehovah to kill them - that's the real unspoken reason. They are fearful of doing anything that displeases their god.

By the way, I am Agnostic... borderline Atheist. Thanks to this cult, any appreciation for spiritual things/god has been damaged and may take some time / if ever to find that part of our lives... My wife doesnt have any beliefs other than knowing that nothing would ever cause her to shun her family.

71

MIL letter to my wife

by AggieNostic in

background: my wife and i are inactive, we stopped attending in 2005. raised as jws, were pioneers, i was elder etc... .

our kids are in college, also inactive but are baptised.

my wife went back to college, getting her degree this month at age 48!

AggieNostic

Background: my wife and I are inactive, we stopped attending in 2005. Raised as JWs, were Pioneers, I was Elder etc...

Our kids are in college, also inactive but are baptised. My wife went back to college, getting her degree this month at age 48! We are the happiest we have ever been and have no desire to go back, but we love our parents immensely - despite their fanatical beliefs.

MIL announced that they would have to stop associating with us since we do things occassionally with our DF'd siblings. My sister is DF and my brother in law is DF. We love our family and refuse to shun them like our parents do. My wife has another brother who is an Elder and very active. MIL sent the following letter to my wife - any ideas on how to respond without causing hurt and at same time make a point? Not sure I even want to respond... but this letter just upsets us because they don't even see how brainwashed they are. Your thoughts?

Her letter to my wife:

To my dearest daughter to whom we love very much. I'm writing this letter because it would be too hard for me to speak to you person to person.

I look back on our life raising you children and though our life wasn't perfect, we had a good life. We raised the three of you the best we knew how and the most important part of that was teaching you the truth about Jehovah. We'd hoped that you would serve Jehovah forever, but you and "DB" (DF'd Brother) decided differently. Granted it is your choice to do what you want in your life. But your Dad, "JB" (my wife's JW Brother) and I have chosen to serve Jehovah forever and to be loyal to him. I would like more than anything if you, your family and "DB" and his family would return to Jehovah.

A scripture comes to mind that you and your family need to consider: Deut 30:19-20 "I do take the heavens and the earth as witnesses agains you today that I have put life and death before you, the blessings and maledictions, and you must choose life in order that you may keep alive, you and your offspring, by loving Jehovah your God, by listening to his voice and by stick to him." I don't think Jehovah is asking too much from you, do you??

For the last two Mondays, I have seen "MS" (My college age son) come out our way to go mushrooming with "DB" (my DF'd brother-in-law) who is disfellowshipped and this seems more important to him than have a relationship with his grandparents. Since all of you prefer to have with all of your disfellowshipped relatives makes it seem you love being with them more than you do those who serve Jehovah. You know we've talked to you about this before, but I guess you don't care what we think.

So again, there will have to be some changes in our relationship with your family. Because of your decision to associate with your brother and "DS" (my DF'd younger sister), we will have to stop our association with your family. You know our 50th Anniversary is next year and because of your continued time spent with disfellowshipped individuals you will not be welcomed to one of the most important days of our life when your family should be by your side. Of course you have time to change your life and come back to Jehovah.

When I see you at the Kingdom Hall or hear that you are attending meetings on a regular basis, then I will know if you truly want to be on Jehovah's side. As you well know by now your Dad and I will not compromise our relationship with Jehovah. Do you remember the scripture at Matt 6:24 where it says "No one can slave for two masters; for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will stick to the one and despise the other. You cannot slave for God and for Riches." So "MW" (my wife) which will it be??

I hope this gives you some thought as to who you will serve, God or Satan. We hope you choose Jehovah. We long to be a close family again. I'll close this letter with our scripture test for today and also a picture that shows we were once a happy family.

All the love that we can give,

Mom and Dad

<< I welcome your thoughts/comments/suggestions on a reply or you may think we should just leave it alone - I will answer your questions if you want some additional background... thanks everyone!>>

AggieNostic

7

Choices have Consequences

by AggieNostic in

jw
friends

my wife and kids are inactive/trying to fade - see my previous posts for our story - last meeting for me was over 5 years ago.. in laws and parents active - fil and dad are elders, fil and mil are pioneers, mom just follows dad's lead.. anyway, my wonderful son is finishing up college and is engaged to be married later in 2011 to a beautiful young woman who we all love dearly and have welcomed to our family.

ceremony to be held in a public space - no denominational identity.

when engagement announced, my wife and i's parents reacted positively and assured their attendance.. however, phone calls a few days after the elders school over xmas advised us that they would not be attending since our son - although inactive - is baptized and his fiancee is not a jw.

AggieNostic

My wife and kids are inactive/trying to fade - see my previous posts for our story - last meeting for me was over 5 years ago.

In laws and parents active - FIL and Dad are elders, FIL and MIL are pioneers, Mom just follows Dad's lead.

Anyway, my wonderful Son is finishing up college and is engaged to be married later in 2011 to a beautiful young woman who we all love dearly and have welcomed to our family. Ceremony to be held in a public space - no denominational identity. When engagement announced, my wife and I's parents reacted positively and assured their attendance.

However, phone calls a few days after the Elders school over Xmas advised us that they would NOT be attending since our Son - although inactive - is baptized and his fiancee is not a JW. Unevenly yoking and with new info from the school - they cannot attend.

Needless to say, we are upset. My Wife, Daughter and Son have shed many tears, his fiancee doesn't understand and thinks they hate her etc... I expected this actually and have tried to smooth it over. I likened this whole episode to a box full of pictures of our lives that will just be missing some photos of the wedding - but doesn't mean the other pics are gone...

I spoke to my parents and told them I wasn't too upset, but the rest of my family is - Mom says she wishes there was another way and that they dearly love us and our soon to be daughter-in-law. My Mom is so upset that she cannot be at her grandson's wedding. My comment to them was that they chose to be JW's and choose to put a religion ahead of family and that choice has consequences.

You see, so many times we hear from our JW friends and relatives that our leaving is our choice and any separation from family is our fault - well, I will have NONE of that anymore. our JW families CHOOSE to be in that religion. they CHOOSE to put that religion/cult ahead of family - so they are the ones losing out - NOT US! My comments on this was shocking to my parents - they don't get it. They are so blinded that they cannot see things from another point of view - so selfish.

JWs have no respect for the beliefs (or non beliefs) of others. It is all one sided - their side. I say, we all need to stand up and not be continually degraded, gulted into thinking our leaving is the reason our relationships have been destroyed. Jehovah's Witness are the reason families are hurt, broken up, destroyed. It is they who have chosen.

My wife says she will not answer her parents or my parents phone calls anymore. Time will tell how long that lasts, but part of me agrees - let them feel the power of shunning. We are shunning them from our lives - we are in control. They choose religion - we choose our family.

I post this because it is a way to vent and also hear your thoughts on this topic - it helps to find clarity and reason amidst the travesty that follows anyone who is or has been part of this destructive cult.

9

MIL gives advice on how to "cope"

by AggieNostic in

jw
friends

my wife's parents just can't stand that we haven't been to meetings since 2005. both are pioneers, retired, active fanatical jws.. anyway, today mil called the wife and after pleasantries, stated that we should really think about coming back to the meetings so we can better cope.

my wife answered: "cope with what?

" mil: "cope with this old system of things..." wife: "hmmm... we seem to be coping pretty well now".

AggieNostic

My wife's parents just can't stand that we haven't been to meetings since 2005. Both are pioneers, retired, active fanatical JWs.

Anyway, today MIL called the wife and after pleasantries, stated that we should really think about coming back to the meetings so we can better cope. My wife answered: "cope with what?" MIL: "cope with this old system of things..." wife: "hmmm... we seem to be coping pretty well now"

MIL: "well, nobody can really cope in this old world without Jehovah!!!!" and within seconds ended the phone call abruptly and hung up.

Isn't that true about JWs? they feel that you can only be happy and "cope" by going to meetings. Reality for us is that we are happier now than ever before. So much pressure, fear, and never feeling good enough while being a JW.

Thoughts?

20

MIL comment irritates me...

by AggieNostic in

jw
friends

as some may know, my family and i no longer associate with jws - we are neither df'd nor da'd.

we last attended about 4 years ago (seems longer...) anyway, my wife has lunch occasionally with her folks - i never get invited and rarely associate with the in laws - my fil says i have destroyed his family... so tensions are somewhat high and it's quite uncomforable whenever we are in the same room - always nice/pleasant, but very shallow relationship now.. my in-laws attended the international convention in trinidad a couple of weeks ago and while having lunch with my wife last week, my mil made the comment to her that "if we had only attended one of these international conventions, we would never had stopped attending meetings... we would have seen the unity and love among the brothers... etc...".

this really irritates me... we were 38 and 39 years old when we stopped attending - both of us had been pioneers, me an elder... we were deep in the org... and my mil thinks that going to an international convention was the missing element in our spiritual lives?

AggieNostic

PS: went grocery shopping last night with Mrs. AggieNostic and I needed a pen from her purse - guess what pen she gave me??? it was a special printed pen that the in-laws had mfg'd as give-aways at the international convention - had their names, congregation info... her mom must have been so proud of this pen and really shows how spiritual they are - I wonder if they will give these to all of their return visits or pass them out at the quick builds and assemblys - look at us! look at us! we are better JWs than you!!!!

I guess they had dozens made and gave them out - I wasn't aware of this, but my wife said many of them do this and have many types of give-aways... so much money spent on travel, food, special gifts, clothing etc...

if only those funds could have been donated to the homeless or food pantries etc... loving brotherhood indeed!

20

MIL comment irritates me...

by AggieNostic in

jw
friends

as some may know, my family and i no longer associate with jws - we are neither df'd nor da'd.

we last attended about 4 years ago (seems longer...) anyway, my wife has lunch occasionally with her folks - i never get invited and rarely associate with the in laws - my fil says i have destroyed his family... so tensions are somewhat high and it's quite uncomforable whenever we are in the same room - always nice/pleasant, but very shallow relationship now.. my in-laws attended the international convention in trinidad a couple of weeks ago and while having lunch with my wife last week, my mil made the comment to her that "if we had only attended one of these international conventions, we would never had stopped attending meetings... we would have seen the unity and love among the brothers... etc...".

this really irritates me... we were 38 and 39 years old when we stopped attending - both of us had been pioneers, me an elder... we were deep in the org... and my mil thinks that going to an international convention was the missing element in our spiritual lives?

AggieNostic

Hello all. As some may know, My family and I no longer associate with JWs - we are neither DF'd nor DA'd. we last attended about 4 years ago (seems longer...) Anyway, my wife has lunch occasionally with her folks - I never get invited and rarely associate with the in laws - my FIL says I have destroyed his family... so tensions are somewhat high and it's quite uncomforable whenever we are in the same room - always nice/pleasant, but very shallow relationship now.

My in-laws attended the international convention in Trinidad a couple of weeks ago and while having lunch with my wife last week, my MIL made the comment to her that "if we had only attended one of these international conventions, we would never had stopped attending meetings... we would have seen the unity and love among the brothers... etc..."

This really irritates me... we were 38 and 39 years old when we stopped attending - both of us had been pioneers, me an elder... we were deep in the Org... and my MIL thinks that going to an international convention was the missing element in our spiritual lives? HAHAHA! how totally out of touch they are...

I would love to tell them both how we truly feel about JWs, but it would hurt them and it would be of no benefit. My wife just let the comment pass and changed the subject - that is the extent of any religious conversations with our JW families... just smile and nod and move on. It's sad in a way that they shy away and are afraid to ask any direct questions as to why we no longer believe. What they don't know wont hurt them I guess... and we dont wish to hurt them.

no biggee, just wanted to share...

3

Iranian theocracy a glimpse of life in JWs new system?

by AggieNostic in

scary similarity to comments on this board previously regarding the attitudes of jws toward df/da persons.... http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20091230/wl_afp/iranpoliticsopposition.

tehran (afp) hundreds of thousands of government supporters took to iran's streets on wednesday in a show of force against the opposition, with a senior cleric telling their leaders to repent or be declared enemies of god and face death.... ...without naming anyone, ayatollah ahmad alamolhoda told a tehran rally that "millions of people here are telling the heads of the sedition that since the supreme leader still keeps open the gate of repentance for you, then in a deadline that should be set by the judiciary you must repent and return to the path of the leader.".

alamolhoda, a member of the assembly of experts which selects the supreme leader, added: "if you do not, then this people and the regime will confront you as mohareb (enemies of god).".

AggieNostic

Scary similarity to comments on this board previously regarding the attitudes of JWs toward DF/DA persons...

http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20091230/wl_afp/iranpoliticsopposition

TEHRAN (AFP) – Hundreds of thousands of government supporters took to Iran's streets on Wednesday in a show of force against the opposition, with a senior cleric telling their leaders to repent or be declared enemies of God and face death...

...Without naming anyone, Ayatollah Ahmad Alamolhoda told a Tehran rally that "millions of people here are telling the heads of the sedition that since the supreme leader still keeps open the gate of repentance for you, then in a deadline that should be set by the judiciary you must repent and return to the path of the leader."

Alamolhoda, a member of the Assembly of Experts which selects the supreme leader, added: "If you do not, then this people and the regime will confront you as mohareb (enemies of God)."

Those convicted of the offence face the death penalty.

57

How fast can you "prepare" a Watchtower lesson?

by Open mind in

jw
friends

over the last 3 years i've gotten much faster at making a wt article look "studied".. .

how fast can you get one ready for inspection by snoopy elders and microphone handlers?.

.

AggieNostic

a true WT study maniac will not only hi-lite but also rewrite the scriptures in the margins, using top/bottom and left/right margins to such an extent that all open space is used up.

this is not to be confused with the short lived fad of printing out the scriptures using the CD ROM - that was cheating. also, the margin notes were to be in cursive and have lines drawn from the scripture to the margin notation. some WTs look like flow charts for some advanced composition course...

30

Do you believe God has one true organization on earth?

by 2pink in

jw
friends

for those who believe in god, do you believe he has one true organization on earth?

word of our intended slow fade has abruptly become a public knowledge.

my husband was talking to his sister on the phone today, breaking the news to her and one thing she kept bringing up was that god has to have an organization on earth.

AggieNostic

I dont know if there is a god or not... but it seems that if there is a god, an all knowing, all powerful, loving god... if he desired us to serve him in one specific way - then he would tell us.