I would like to be honest with all and happy to lose conditional friends but don't as my wife does not want that and I respect that she has to live with my actions as well
I totally get that - you are balancing competing moral concerns. I think in that situation you can only do all you can to support victims of the cult's oppression from within. Be the "fifth column".
Only the individual concerned can judge their own circumstances. I was surprised by DYs comment that he/she just likes to worship with JWs out of choice. I think it's worth saying that this involves a moral choice not just a decision about personal preferences.