Also, the only thing that I enjoy about life is connection. Those brief moments when I feel connected to someone that cares about me and that I care about. Also those moments that when I contemplate that there may really be a God that loves us and has something better in store than this torture I experience now. If it's all not true, if love doesn't exist and is just a "neuro-chemical part of our survival mechanism" what's the point of living? Why not just die now? I don't understand.
Paul I am really sorry to hear you feel that way right now. It is easy for some of us who went through this adjustment a long time ago to be flippant about how transient life is. We may forget times of despair and angst coming to terms with the huge psychological leap from a view of eternity to acceptance of our own mortality.
I have been there, where you are now. I know the sense of panic at a life half lived that I thought would never end. It will pass and as Flipper said so wisely there is so much purpose and meaning to be had in life. Nihilism is not the inevitable alternative to faith. When life is no longer viewed as a rehearsal many find that life becomes more real.
Of course love is real, your experiences of love and relationships are all that matters, I never waste time worrying about whether there is a sound philosophical foundation for it, just live it.
It is of course comforting to hope that there may be more, as long as it does not cause you to opt out of finding purpose and joy in this life there is likely no harm in that. Don't bully you heart into following your head, it may catch up in its own time, I always find there is a considerable gap in time between what I know and what I feel, there is no hurry. - Bill