Good verse, Stephen! Love it!
jesussaves
JoinedPosts by jesussaves
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25
Diary of a fornicaterin' slow fade...kinda long
by jesussaves insummer of 1992 - all is well, graduated from high school as the salutatorian.
one would think i had college dreams, but alas i did not.
i was planning to take my data information processing certificate and get a part-time job while i pioneered!
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25
Diary of a fornicaterin' slow fade...kinda long
by jesussaves insummer of 1992 - all is well, graduated from high school as the salutatorian.
one would think i had college dreams, but alas i did not.
i was planning to take my data information processing certificate and get a part-time job while i pioneered!
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jesussaves
Thanks for the kind words :) GL, glad you liked my excerpt! I hope it does well too, but if one JW escapes because of my book it'll be sooooo worth it. Crisis of Conscience did that for me, so this is kinda giving back.
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25
Diary of a fornicaterin' slow fade...kinda long
by jesussaves insummer of 1992 - all is well, graduated from high school as the salutatorian.
one would think i had college dreams, but alas i did not.
i was planning to take my data information processing certificate and get a part-time job while i pioneered!
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jesussaves
LOL, Dinah! "Remotely do-able"! They were few and far between, I tell you. I look back now, and they were sooooo not worthy! I honestly didn't realize I was a hot girl until I stopped dealing with JW dudes.
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25
Diary of a fornicaterin' slow fade...kinda long
by jesussaves insummer of 1992 - all is well, graduated from high school as the salutatorian.
one would think i had college dreams, but alas i did not.
i was planning to take my data information processing certificate and get a part-time job while i pioneered!
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jesussaves
*bump :)
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25
Diary of a fornicaterin' slow fade...kinda long
by jesussaves insummer of 1992 - all is well, graduated from high school as the salutatorian.
one would think i had college dreams, but alas i did not.
i was planning to take my data information processing certificate and get a part-time job while i pioneered!
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jesussaves
Finally-Free, you most definitely have a story!!! Thank y'all for the words of encouragement. That must've been a freudian slip with the initials of BS for Brethren of the Sacrifice. LOL! It was not done purposely, but it's funny all the same.
Goshawk - the publishing process is long, slow and painful...kinda like a slow fade :)
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25
Diary of a fornicaterin' slow fade...kinda long
by jesussaves insummer of 1992 - all is well, graduated from high school as the salutatorian.
one would think i had college dreams, but alas i did not.
i was planning to take my data information processing certificate and get a part-time job while i pioneered!
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jesussaves
Hallelujah is right Sylvia!!! Sometimes I sit at church and feel like I don't have a testimony, because I wasn't on drugs or homeless or something more drastic. But when I think of where I was (in darkness not knowing God) to where I am now, I can't help but shout!!
LOL, ninja!
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25
Diary of a fornicaterin' slow fade...kinda long
by jesussaves insummer of 1992 - all is well, graduated from high school as the salutatorian.
one would think i had college dreams, but alas i did not.
i was planning to take my data information processing certificate and get a part-time job while i pioneered!
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jesussaves
Summer of 1992 - All is well, graduated from high school as the salutatorian. One would think I had college dreams, but alas I did not. I was planning to take my Data Information Processing certificate and get a part-time job while I pioneered! Yee-haw!
Fall of 1992 - Regular pioneer application DENIED by my elders. Reason - the pioneer youth in our congo, were the elite. They all had two parents, nice homes in the suburbs, elder daddys, pioneer mamas. Me, I was from the HOOD, schizophrenic welfare mama, missing-in-action daddy. Yeah, I wasn't what they wanted. Actually I was asked to switch congos because I didn't live in their congo's suburban territory! NIIIICE, right?
I did not move, however, because my best friends were there and I was in love with the Bethel bound, Darren.
After being denied the 'privilege' of pioneering, I decided to get a full-time job. This was frowned on by my friends, especially Darren. He told me that I should be pioneering anyway with or without the title. Yeah, his heart was in the right place, I guess...
Spring of 1993 - Met and fell in love with the ridiculously handsome, decidedly untheocratic, Emilio. I was out of the pioneer clique, because, of course there HAD to be some reason why I wasn't allowed to pioneer. Some secret sin, perhaps? But this led me to spend lots and lots of time with Emilio. His mother was a pioneer, but she was a HOOD pioneer, single mama who's four kids weren't thinking about baptism, much less Bethel.
Fall of 1993 - Lost Emilio because I wanted to remain a virgin. Was ridiculously depressed about the loss. No one cared that I'd started missing meetings. Funny, everyone has your number when it's time for the committee meeting, but they don't even remember your name when it comes to "shepherding".
Spring of 1994 - Switched congregations and started to feel my time running out to find a husband. I was 20 years old, but the best guys were going to Bethel or marrying the "cream of the crop". Being a cute girl from the hood with a crazy mama didn't land me there. I dated guys who were supposedly in "my league" as far as JWs went, and this was an exercise in futility. Intelligent conversation - zip, life goals - zip. Frustration ensued.
Summer of 1994 - Started a friendship/romance with an elder's son, Brendan, with whom I had a lot in common. We were both into poetry, rap music and other extra-curricular activities. We didn't consummate the relationship officially, but did every unoffical act in the book. This guy refused to claim me as his girlfriend because his parents wouldn't approve. This began an on-again, off-again ordeal that I hoped would end in marriage.
Spring of 1995 - After no relationship progress with Brendan, I felt doomed to old-maidom. I walked aimlessly around the corridors at the district conventions hoping to be noticed by someone who wasn't too gross. As fate would have it, I rekindled the flame with Emilio, this time determined that he was my soulmate and we were going to be together.
Summer of 1995 - Unceremoniously lost my virginity to Emilio. A week later, found out that two non-JW girls were carrying his children. Continued the relationship, in spite of this, hoping that I would be the girl he married in the end. I know....really STUPID. But I was 21. I was stupid. Finally, Emilio decided to marry the mother of his child (the other girl lost the baby), because he wanted to be a good father. Depression resumed.
Winter of 1995 - Fresh from his own break-up, resumed relationship with Brendan. Because we were both no longer virgins, it was easier to go down that path. But not without the required guilt, shame, etc. Meeting attendance was sporadic at this time, because Emilio and his new wife attended my congregation.
Spring of 1996 - This was the beginning of the end for me. The guilt feelings caught up, and I wanted to do the right thing. Talked to Brendan about going to the elders and confessing. He was against it, because of his father's position and because he thought I had too many things to report. He said that one offense would get me a private reproof, but I had several, so I would definitely be disfellowshipped. I didn't believe that there was a "three strikes" rule, so I convinced Brendan to repent with me. He really had no choice, because I was going and I had to name names.
My series of committee meetings were mental rape. Plain and simple. I had heard rumors about the questions that the elders asked, but I always thought they were rumors. But when I was asked how many times I climaxed, if I'd been abused as a child, if we'd used protection, I was left with a sick feeling. I thought I'd feel free after confessing. I felt tried, convicted, sentenced, abused, afraid and suicidal. Afraid that I would be disfellowshipped and completely alone. I was raised a JW and there was no one in my circle of friends who wasn't a JW.
After being hospitalized for an attempted suicide (took pills at work and was rushed to the hospital), I finally received my sentence - public reproof. While my elder's son boyfriend received private reproof at his congregation...Of course, we had to break up. Marriage was out of the question; I was damaged goods. The elders, though, did inform me of a potential suitor. A guy in our congregation had inquired about me. He was mildly retarded. I wish I was making this up!
Fall of 1996 - Enrolled in a business college. Decided I was too smart to do manual labor for the rest of my life (was a letter carrier for the post office). After a few semesters, met the man I would later marry. Guess what? He was handsome, smart, and heads and shoulders above every JW guy I'd ever dated. Actually, if he had been a JW, he probably wouldn't have looked my way.
Joined my very first church. Was promptly scared to death. Started reading the Bible without the JW "publications", found out that I knew nothing about God. I remember reading the gospels and wondering where all the mercy and grace was with the JWs.
Got baptized again, this time not under duress, but because I really wanted a change in my life.
Spring 2005 -Got my first book deal. Wanted to write about my experiences with the JWs. It was too painful so I wrote something else...
Winter 2008 - Started writing "In the Midst of it All", the story of my slow-fade escape. When I finished it, my editor had three words. "I LOVE IT."
February 2010 - "In the Midst of It All" will be available wherever books are sold. Read an excerpt at www.tiffanylwarren.com/inthemidstofitall.htm
If you read down this far, thank you :) Been meaning to get this off my chest for awhile.
Tiffany
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Ex-JW novel excerpt (In the Midst of it All)
by jesussaves ini've posted an excerpt of my upcoming novel on my website here - http://www.tiffanylwarren.com/inthemidstofitall.htm.
or you can also read below.. it's the prologue and first chapter.
enjoy.
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jesussaves
Hey Jeff,
Thanks!!! Yes, I got your synopsis. It's great! I sent it to my agent. She's on vacation, but will definitely give a response. The release date is February 22, 2010.
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Ex-JW novel excerpt (In the Midst of it All)
by jesussaves ini've posted an excerpt of my upcoming novel on my website here - http://www.tiffanylwarren.com/inthemidstofitall.htm.
or you can also read below.. it's the prologue and first chapter.
enjoy.
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jesussaves
Hello All!!!
I've posted an excerpt of my upcoming novel on my website here - http://www.tiffanylwarren.com/inthemidstofitall.htm
Or you can also read below.. It's the Prologue and First Chapter. Enjoy
Prologue
“Zee, are you going to get that?”
Zenovia blinked a few times, glanced at the clock and shook her head. “Three a.m. It’s not good news.”
She closed her eyes and buried her head under the covers; tried to escape the ringing telephone. Her husband reached over her and took matters into his own hands. Zenovia was grateful that he was home. This kind of news didn’t need to be left on an answering machine.
Audrey lay in a pool of her own diluted blood, but the room was permeated with the scent of lavender. Pink bubbles floated on top of the pool. Scented by lavender; stained by blood.
Zenovia’s husband talked for a few moments then pressed the ‘end’ button on the cordless telephone. He touched Zenovia on the shoulder. She jumped. She was expecting him to wake her; to be the town crier of her misery, but she was startled nonetheless.
“That was your stepfather. Your mother has passed away.”
“How did she die?”
“He says in her sleep.”
Zenovia rolled her eyes. “He’s a liar.”
“Did you see it?”
She nodded. “But not in enough time to stop her.”
Zenovia turned away from her husband and buried her head into the pillow. A salty river trickled down her face, but Zenovia was not ready to share her tears with her mate. She wanted two minutes of private grief.
She heard him pressing buttons on the telephone.
“Who are you calling?” she asked.
“Bishop. You can’t preach in the morning.”
“I’m preaching.”
“ It’s okay, Zee. He’ll find someone else. You need to handle your mother’s affairs.”
“That can wait. I’ve got a word from the Lord that cannot.”
Chapter One
Zenovia heard knocks on the door.
They were not the soft knocks of the children in the apartment next door. There were two of them – a boy and a girl. Always dirty, with unwashed faces and mis -matched socks if any. Their mama was on crack, and they visited Zenovia and Audrey every morning looking for breakfast. But it was ten a.m. and they were probably plopped in front of their television, watching the Saturday morning cartoons.
Zenovia waited for the knock again. This time it came with a voice. “Hello? Is anyone home? We’d like to share the Gospel with you today.”
Zenovia laughed. She had been thinking that the person behind the door was a drug boy running from the police or a crack head hustling some stolen property. But it was a lady, and she wanted to share the Gospel. No harm there.
Still, she didn’t answer the door.
Audrey rushed from the bedroom of the one-bedroom apartment. She was wearing a ratty yet colorful housecoat. Wild red hair framed her face like a flame, perfectly complementing her freckles and green eyes.
“Why don’t you get the door?” she asked.
She didn’t wait for a response, but went to the door herself. She swung it open wide and smiled at the two ladies that stood before her.
“Good morning!” sang Audrey.
“Well good morning to you too!” said the lady who’d knocked.
Audrey asked, “Did I hear y’all say, y’all was talking about the Gospel this morning?”
“Yes you did. The Gospel of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.”
“Well, come on in and keep talking! Zenovia , something told me we were going to have good news today.”
Zenovia felt a smile tickle the sides of her lips. That something was a vision. Audrey had been having them since she was a little girl, and Zenovia had started having them when she’d turned twelve. They were haphazard messages, sometimes future, sometimes past. Usually there wasn’t enough information contained in the visions to do anything useful. Most times, Zenovia was annoyed by the visions; treated them like unannounced visitors. Just like the two Bible ladies.
Both of the ladies stepped gingerly into the spotless apartment. Their eyes darted back and forth; inspecting. Their nostrils flared; inhaling the scent of the ocean breeze candles that Zenovia had lit. Zenovia watched their facial expressions change from cautious to pleasant surprise.
Zenovia narrowed her eyes. “You can sit down. Although I’m sure you saw roaches in the hallway, none of them have taken up residence here.
The ladies smiled nervously as they took a seat on the worn, but clean sofa. Audrey sat across from them in her leather recliner.
“My name is Charlotte Batiste,” said the lady who’d knocked.
Audrey’s smile beamed. “Charlotte. Like the little pig in that book.”
“Actually, the pig’s name was Wilbur,” Zenovia corrected. “You’re talking about the spider.”
For a fleeting instant, Audrey looked irritated, but it quickly faded. “Well, that doesn’t matter. My name is Audrey and the smarty pants is Zenovia .”
Both ladies looked from Audrey to Zenovia with tight yet friendly smiles on their faces. The second lady, not Charlotte, actually wasn’t a lady at all. She was a girl, no older than Zenovia , but she was dressed in a much older woman’s apparel – a long corduroy skirt and sweater with a turtleneck. At their feet were little bags stuffed to the hilt with tracts and pamphlets.
“Well, it’s nice to meet you both. This is my daughter Alyssa,” declared Charlotte with yet another smile.
She never seemed to run out of smiles. Zenovia wondered if her face was sore.
Charlotte continued. “I am here this morning to share a wonderful thought from the Bible. Do you have a bible?”“Of course!” replied Audrey.
Audrey reached into a side compartment on her recliner and pulled out a huge, white, leather Bible. The kind grandmothers pass down to their grandchildren with the family tree on the inside cover and the picture of Jesus in the center. There was no family tree in the front of Audrey’s Bible; only her name, in big block print .
“I’m going to read you some verses in the book of Revelation chapter 21. It’s the last book of the Bible.”
“Oh, I know where Revelations is,” said Audrey.
Zenovia cringed. She wanted to say, It’s Revelation not Revelations, but since she had already been labeled as a smarty pants, the critique went unspoken.
Charlotte read. “And I heard a great voice out of heaven saying, Behold, the tabernacle of God is with men, and he will dwell with them, and they shall be his people, and God himself shall be with them, and be their God. And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.”
Zenovia liked that scripture. No tears and no sorrow sounded like just what she needed. Apparently, Audrey liked it too, because there was a tear in the corner of her right eye.
“Well, I can’t wait to go to heaven and see Jesus. He’s going to take away all sadness and death. I believe that,” stated Audrey with conviction.
“What if I told you that this scripture was talking about a paradise here on earth?” asked Charlotte.
Zenovia almost slipped from her usual academic self and said What you talkin ’ about Charlotte? like Arnold querying Willis on Different Strokes, but she held her tongue. She wanted to see Audrey’s response.
Audrey asked, “This scripture ain’t about heaven?”
Charlotte went on to explain how God was going to make the earth over into a big park and that believers were going to live there in a utopian nirvana. She said that children would have lions and bears for playmates and go unharmed. Zenovia was a little skeptical, but Charlotte flipped through her little orange Bible with such skill that she had to be telling the truth.After she was done, Charlotte let out a loud sigh. “Now, Audrey, don’t you think God wants you and your sister to live in paradise and not squalor?”
Audrey looked confused, but Zenovia laughed. It was not the first time that she and her mother had been mistaken for sisters. Audrey was a young-looking thirty-one and Zenovia was a mature-looking sixteen.
“She is my mother, not my sister,” said Zenovia .
“Oh,” replied Charlotte, and then…with recognition, “Oh!”
Audrey dropped her head. “Had her when I was fifteen.”
“Well, that’s alright,” said Charlotte cheerfully. “That doesn’t matter once you give your life to God and get baptized.”
“I’ve been baptized,” replied Audrey defensively.
“Oh, but not like this. When you get baptized with as one of the Brethren of the Sacrifice, your life will surely be changed.”
Zenovia cleared her throat. “I’ve never heard of the Brethren of the Sacrifice. What denomination are you?”
“We’re not a denomination at all. We are true Christians, teaching true Christianity.” She said this with such conviction that Zenovia wanted to pump her fist, yell power to the people and hand her an afro pic .
Charlotte turned her attention back to Audrey. “Would you like to come to one of our services?”
“I’d like that,” responded Audrey eagerly.
Zenovia rarely saw her mother get excited about anything, so again she held her tongue. She wanted to object, and tell Charlotte that she and Audrey had a church home. First Gethsemane Baptist church, up the street, was where they had fellowshipped for the past two years.
But maybe it was time for a change. Audrey had gotten into a particularly embarrassing scuffle with one of the usher board members. The usher, Sister Brown, had told Audrey that she couldn’t sit on the Mother’s row. Audrey had responded by accusing Sister Brown of being jealous because Audrey was pretty and Sister Brown was “black and greasy”.
After the altercation, Zenovia had done what she always did. She apologized to First Lady Benson and Sister Brown. She’d explained that Audrey had just been prescribed new medication for her schizophrenia and that it had not yet taken effect.
That all happened a month ago, and they hadn’t been to church since. Zenovia liked to let things die down before they returned to worship. Admittedly, though, she missed the anointed singing of the choir and the spirited preaching.
Audrey looked over at her daughter. “What do you say, Zee? You want to join a new church?”
Zenovia shrugged and answered her mother’s question with a question. “Why not?”
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EX-JW gets major book deal (w/Grand Central - the folk who pubbed Twilight)
by jesussaves init has taken many, many years to write this book.
i got a book deal in 2003, and published 7 other books before i could finish this story - because it brought up too many wounds that haven't healed.
after my last memorial in 2000, i knew i'd never walk into another kingdom hall unless somebody died.
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jesussaves
Thanks for the congrats! The book is dedicated to my ex-JW friends :) This is what the dedication says
"To my people still in the struggle - the is life after the borg! Stay encouraged"
Is that subtle?