Hello anniegirl~
The beauty of it is that there is no need to feel pressure or urgent sense of fear to choose the 'right' way..
You can take your sweet time and discover who you really are and what you are truly drawn to. And no one can judge it , unless you let them.
Maybe we are always finding our ways to express a deep spiritual need inside, that need for what is beautiful and what brings humans together, a way to revere nature and all the awesomeness in the universe.
I call it a journey, this life. No one has all the answers. It's ok to be 'wrong' or a freak or change your mind. We can all help each other along the way. Go with your heart
There have been some excellent book recommendations here~Crisis of Conscience, Combatting Cult Mind Control and others that are absolutely priceless for people in our unique place to recover and help empty out the poison. But then I get what you are saying about what to fill yourself up with~ I say enjoy the day, love yourself..and love others. If you are looking for some peaceful words, I found some in a book called "The Four Agreements" by Miguel Ruiz. There is no one way, but I feel happier knowing that I share the planet with people like him~ The ways of nature and the Goddess are something to look into ;)
Amie