no i welcome it, i wish someone would shoot me in the head.
joelbear
JoinedPosts by joelbear
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83
Are You Afraid To Die?
by minimus indo you every worry about dying?
do you think that you probably won't have a very long life?
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55
Nowhere else to go
by joelbear inthere is really nowhere else for me to post about what goes on inside me.
i know that my problems aren't all because i was a witness.
the agony in my mind has led me to a psychiatrist.. he has diagnosed me with cyclothymic mood disorder, a milder form.
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joelbear
i think i am just tired of agonizing over the question of why no one puts any value on my existence.
i do get grouchy sometimes and can be mean when i am in a bad mood, but consistently apologize
for any hurt that i cause. i'm generally knowledgeable and agreeable. i don't insist on things being
my way all the time. i was a good kid, a good student, but my parents had no clue who i was or
what i was experiencing.
i feel like i am ready to disconnect and drift away.
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55
Nowhere else to go
by joelbear inthere is really nowhere else for me to post about what goes on inside me.
i know that my problems aren't all because i was a witness.
the agony in my mind has led me to a psychiatrist.. he has diagnosed me with cyclothymic mood disorder, a milder form.
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joelbear
i really don't think the lithium will work. i think that in reality i am a broken man. my soul, my desire to go on continues to diminish. i keep myself going with the few goals i have left. i want to leave a complete portfolio of who i was. i have picked out a name i want to be known as after i die and want on my tombstone. i may make it a few more months, i may not make it past the end of the year. i know i won't try pills again. i don't have a concrete plan set.
i'm 47 years old. i have no one who cares enough to call and ask me to go to dinner. its a really eerie deep loneliness and sense of being nobody.
i am beginning to feel non existent rather than simply disliked. like people wish i wasn't there or simply don't see me.
its ridiculous that we don't have euthanasia centers. people who want to die for whatever reason should be accommodated.
i have failed in the human process. i admit it.
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Is Change Possible for Homosexuals?
by nicolaou ini don't know, you'd think we'd be used to reading crap like this but it still gets my goat.. nic' .
*** w74 8/15 p. 487 is change possible for homosexuals?
thinking transformed.
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joelbear
what is interesting is that there is not just one "type" of homosexual.
people always act as if they are somehow a uniform group.
one distinction, just one of many is that there are homosexuals who are very feminine and there are homosexuals
that are very masculine and it doesn't always work out that the masculine ones are attracted to the feminine ones
quite the opposite. masc men are usually attracted to masc men and fem men are usually attracted to other fem men.
but that's not a rule.
there are an amazing amount of married men who have homosexual relationships outside their marriage. these men
will never be accounted for in a census or even most likely in any surveys. but at the online gay groups i inhabit i would
say married (to female) men make up 10 to 20% of the population of those groups.
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25
Who is Charles Sunutko?
by VM44 inin the spring of 1967 district overseer charles sunutko gave in sheboygan, wisconsin, the talk, "serving with everlasting life in view"
a recording of that talk is available on the internet at several places, easily found by a google search.. but who is (was?
) charles sunutko?.
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joelbear
he was basically worshipped in the 70's. funny you never saw him giving talks after 1975.
he was a magnificent orator, that is for sure. some of the few talks i ever paid any attention
to, unfortunately, that cost me a lot.
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joelbear
recreating scene from ghost in brain with richie and me.
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46
Is Change Possible for Homosexuals?
by nicolaou ini don't know, you'd think we'd be used to reading crap like this but it still gets my goat.. nic' .
*** w74 8/15 p. 487 is change possible for homosexuals?
thinking transformed.
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joelbear
um, the locker room thing um really got me um um goin'
yeah, it was definitely confirmed for me when i was 12 in PE class and one of the guys pointed out
quite succintly that he did not care for me staring at his woo woo with an open mouthed gaze.
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46
Is Change Possible for Homosexuals?
by nicolaou ini don't know, you'd think we'd be used to reading crap like this but it still gets my goat.. nic' .
*** w74 8/15 p. 487 is change possible for homosexuals?
thinking transformed.
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joelbear
I well remember choice class in the 5th grade when vaginal and anal intercourse were described to me. Oh my, receptive anal intercouse seemed especially delightful. What other choice could I have made.
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55
Nowhere else to go
by joelbear inthere is really nowhere else for me to post about what goes on inside me.
i know that my problems aren't all because i was a witness.
the agony in my mind has led me to a psychiatrist.. he has diagnosed me with cyclothymic mood disorder, a milder form.
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joelbear
there is really nowhere else for me to post about what goes on inside me.
i know that my problems aren't all because i was a witness.
the agony in my mind has led me to a psychiatrist.
he has diagnosed me with cyclothymic mood disorder, a milder form
of bipolar disorder.
started lithium last night. if this doesn't work i really don't think i can
go on.
i am bringing a lot of things in my life to closure, completing some things
that I wanted to do. I still have things on my list and that does keep me
going to some extent, hoping the pain will subside from time to time.
it is cathartic for me to write it down and sometimes relieves the pressure
for a bit.
i have been psychically punched so much that i really don't think the wound
will heal.