I agree with some of the suggestions here...rather than staying in as you are and dying inside...surely by using the 'depression' you could retreat from the Org's activity but continue to reassure your wife and kids that you love them? In itself that wouldnt bring the elders and the family down on your head...and although you'd have to be assertive that 'at the moment you need to back off from the pressure in the Org, and you dont want to discuss it' ....it would give you the breathing space for as long as you could keep it up and enable you to stay with your family....
It would mean living yet another double life of course and you'd have to restrain your desire to express your real opinions and feelings about the Org, and that may seriously inhibit you finding peace ...but its another option to staying in and coping with the current mental torture.
Stories like yours make me so angry - decent people having to face such terrible choices to hold onto loved ones and their dignity....its so despicable....please consider getting a counsellor of some type so that you can share this with someone in safety to give you some release....
Hugs.
Loz x