If you read some of my past posts you’ll know that I’ve successfully faded while being able to keep contact with my immediate family, who are still very devout JWs. When I did finally completely stop attending meetings, my family, and especially my parents (elder father and pioneer mom), were of course very interested to know the reasons why. At first I deflected their questions, stating that I had personal reasons and did not want to explain myself. I had learned early on in the fading process that it’s best to keep your mouth shut to avoid raising any alarms (harder said than done!). This worked for a while, but I could tell my family increasingly were not satisfied with this.
I eventually decided that I needed to give them something. What worked best for me was to straight up tell them I didn’t believe in god or in the Bible. I explained that I didn’t have anything against JWs specifically, but it was a more general disbelief in religion and god, which in my case is really true. Of course I still personally think that JWs are cult-like with dangerous beliefs, but what’s the point of bringing that up? All that would accomplish is setting off their apostate alarms, and then they would probably start shunning me. It’s not like I’m going to convince them of anything.
I also went into the whole freedom of choice thing, and how we need to make up our own minds and make our own decisions. I told my parents that I had been faking it for years, and that it wasn’t healthy for me to continue practicing something I didn’t believe in. I mentioned how it would have been very easy on my part to continue pretending, but that I made the harder decision to stop because it was the right choice. This tactic went over surprisingly well. Of course they weren’t happy about it, but I could tell their JW defense mechanisms didn’t go up. Instead of viewing me as a dangerous apostate, they now see me as someone who’s “lost their faith”. They even agreed with me that we all need to make our own choices in life, and shouldn’t be pressured into doing things we don’t believe.
In my opinion, getting into discussions or debates regarding teachings or doctrines with JWs, even family members, is a huge waste of time for the most part. Instead, I reassured my parents that I respected their religion and the way they raised me. I also expressed to them that I’m happier than I’ve ever been, and will continue to be there for them no matter what.
Believe me, it feels good to rise above the JW mindset! I’m being the dutiful son, and killing them with kindness.