those of you fading- with the memorial approaching are you going to appease family?
not going and making up an excuse?
acting like your going but not really?.
My second paragraph got cut off, anyway...
Not going sends a strong message to people that you're serious about your fade. JWs consider inactive ones who still attend as potential returnees. You'll hear comments such as, "Oh, they must still believe it's the truth!", or variations on that. I also believe that it could also demonstrate that the religion is still an authority in your life, making you you more susceptible to elder visits or judicial actions.
those of you fading- with the memorial approaching are you going to appease family?
not going and making up an excuse?
acting like your going but not really?.
When I was in the process of fading, I attended one last memorial to keep up appearances. Once I completely faded and stopped going to meetings entirely, I stopped going to the Memorial, family be damned.
if you read some of my past posts you’ll know that i’ve successfully faded while being able to keep contact with my immediate family, who are still very devout jws.
when i did finally completely stop attending meetings, my family, and especially my parents (elder father and pioneer mom), were of course very interested to know the reasons why.
at first i deflected their questions, stating that i had personal reasons and did not want to explain myself.
If you read some of my past posts you’ll know that I’ve successfully faded while being able to keep contact with my immediate family, who are still very devout JWs. When I did finally completely stop attending meetings, my family, and especially my parents (elder father and pioneer mom), were of course very interested to know the reasons why. At first I deflected their questions, stating that I had personal reasons and did not want to explain myself. I had learned early on in the fading process that it’s best to keep your mouth shut to avoid raising any alarms (harder said than done!). This worked for a while, but I could tell my family increasingly were not satisfied with this.
I eventually decided that I needed to give them something. What worked best for me was to straight up tell them I didn’t believe in god or in the Bible. I explained that I didn’t have anything against JWs specifically, but it was a more general disbelief in religion and god, which in my case is really true. Of course I still personally think that JWs are cult-like with dangerous beliefs, but what’s the point of bringing that up? All that would accomplish is setting off their apostate alarms, and then they would probably start shunning me. It’s not like I’m going to convince them of anything.
I also went into the whole freedom of choice thing, and how we need to make up our own minds and make our own decisions. I told my parents that I had been faking it for years, and that it wasn’t healthy for me to continue practicing something I didn’t believe in. I mentioned how it would have been very easy on my part to continue pretending, but that I made the harder decision to stop because it was the right choice. This tactic went over surprisingly well. Of course they weren’t happy about it, but I could tell their JW defense mechanisms didn’t go up. Instead of viewing me as a dangerous apostate, they now see me as someone who’s “lost their faith”. They even agreed with me that we all need to make our own choices in life, and shouldn’t be pressured into doing things we don’t believe.
In my opinion, getting into discussions or debates regarding teachings or doctrines with JWs, even family members, is a huge waste of time for the most part. Instead, I reassured my parents that I respected their religion and the way they raised me. I also expressed to them that I’m happier than I’ve ever been, and will continue to be there for them no matter what.
Believe me, it feels good to rise above the JW mindset! I’m being the dutiful son, and killing them with kindness.
some fascinating results in the latest pew research.
(how did i miss this before?
) including that jws rely on their religion the most of any group to tell right from wrong and rely on common sense the least.
well i just watched this "epic" video, i would have to say this is probably the most disturbing video yet.
there campaign to get people back is just pathetic in the most mind-manipulating way.
"welcome home" or "come back home" are they serious?
That was my first time watching Sanderson speak. At least he comes across as somewhat normal and caring, compared to the other GB members who are patronizing and condescending. Perhaps he's playing the good cop role.
at the latest co visit something very strange happened.
during the meeting with the elders and servants he passed out a copy of a hypothetical publisher card and asked us what we could learn from it.
upon receiving it i saw that the average hours were pretty good, it had return visits and quite a few bible studies.
The OP's experience should not be surprising whatsoever. Anyone familiar with the JW religion should know by now that's it's all about keeping up appearances.
It's just not about putting in hours, it's putting in "visible" hours.
Having your WT underlined.
Getting to the meetings early and staying afterward.
And so on. True spirituality has nothing to do with it. Remember, keeping up appearances!
japan had a massive increase in publishers from 1950-1998. then in 1998 something happened and jehovah's blessing switched off!!!.
1998 -222,912 publishers 3,802 congregations.
2006 -217,519 publishers 3,164 congregations.
The demographics and culture of Japan make for an interesting topic. It's a very homogeneous society, with hardly any immigration to speak of. Plus, the population in general is aging and experiencing a decline. This article states that the population is expected to be 86 million by 2060, down from 127 million currently:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Demographics_of_Japan
These factors, coupled with the overall slowdown of JW growth in first-world countries, has probably contributed to the JW decline in Japan.
http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/topic/491270004/mass-disassociation-pact?size=10&page=15.
the topic above got me thinking.
everyone here can't send a disassociation letter due to family or other reasons.
This is my personal advice on the matter:
Move on with your life.
Be happy.
Live well.
Don't feed the JW persecution complex.
Be gracious and gentle to JW family and friends you still have contact with. "Kill them with kindness"
If you still feel the need to vent, post your feelings on discussion boards like this one.
Write a letter like the one you described, but don't mail it.
Talk to a therapist.
you can probably guess how this story goes.. i began dating a non-witness boy.
he knew i was a baptised witness and understood the consequences i faced for dating him.
we agreed to keep our relationship secret, which was easy considering our 200 mile distance.
One additional insight I can make is to tell your parents and other family members that you love them, and will always be there for them unconditionally. While this may be difficult since they are currently shunning you, this is taking the high road and showing them your character.
They may say something along the lines that it's your fault they have to shun you because you "left Jehovah", but nothing could be further from the truth. Gently remind your family that you'll always be available to them, and they are free to reach out to you anytime. Leave the ball in their court, as the saying goes.
Once they realize that you won't come crawling back to the cult on your knees, they may decide to have limited contact with you. Many ones on this board have experienced this, as the WTS has a difficult time controlling members from having relationships with DFed family members. Time will tell, but in any case I wish you the best of luck.
from my own observations & conversations with selected active j.w.
's, here are my conclusions:.
's are very rapidly falling into two distinct camps -.
Where I live here in California, the group that "oppostate" describes fits the vast majority of JWs that I know. His description is absolutely spot-on. Personally, I call them social Jehovah's Witnesses. I call them this because the majority of their family and social circle are JWs, so they go along with the program because that's all they know.
They were brought up "in the truth", yet are not as fervent or studious as their parents. They love getting dressed up for conventions, taking selfies or group shots with their friends, and then posting to Instagram. They love, love handing out tracts or babysitting a literature cart. A lot of them go to college, get degrees, and have decent jobs. They meet up for happy hours, go clubbing, and openly talk about the latest R-rated movie.
However, If you ask a social JW what the current understanding is of the Biblical generation, or how and why they believe 1914 was the end of the Gentile Times, you will just get a blank look of confusion. They also have private doubts about the whole Armageddon thing, because they know deep down that Jesus won't really come to Earth and slaughter children because their parents didn't take them to meetings on Thursday nights.
As long as the WTS doesn't make their lives too difficult or annoying, social JW's have no reason to change. Any private reservations they have can easily be quashed and glossed over.
