Posts by lostinnj83

40

Hi Brainmelt! I am in a situation similar to yours only I have no children. I almost 30 years old, born in, married to another born it who is convinved that it is the truth. As to what will become of our marriage remains to be seen, I haven't left yet so I am facing some difficult decisios as well. I'm here for you if you want to message me!

20

Newbie Again (Kinda Sorta)

by lostinnj83 in

i made my first post (which i have attached) more than 2.5 years ago.. sad to say i am still in the same situation.

still "physically in" but have mentally been gone for years.

i am still in my marriage and unfortunatly things have not gotten any better as far as me being able to help him see the light as far as the organization.. i am at a serious crossroad though because i am almost 30 years old, with no children.

lostinnj83

No he's not an MS, he's been trying to reach out for the longest. He is of the belief that I am the one holding him back from serving.

And as far as our marriage, yes he is trying NOW but so much has gone on in the past 7 years that I'm not sure things could EVER work. It would feel so freeing to make clean break for the org and him at the same time but embracing so much change at the same time seems quite daunting!!

4

Logical Illustration (for those who will listen!)

by lostinnj83 in

in my quest to try to reason with a few people close to me i thought of the perfect illustration as to why we should examine our beliefs against whats printed in the wt or on the jw website.. granted, because of the blinders they were on able to accept any part of what i was saying but to any "non-believer" that i have used this with has understood perfectly.

so it may be worth a shot to try it out.. .

if a person were looking to take a trip lets say to a specific resort.

lostinnj83

LOL sir well when you put it that yeah there is no reasoning with them..SMH!

21

Baptized

by nibbled in

how old were you when you were baptized?.

.

i was 12 years old..

lostinnj83

I was 11 years old.

That's another HUGH issue I have, is allowing the decision of a minor to haunt them for the rest of their lives!

Baptism should not be allowed under the age of 18 years old.

If at that point someone want's to bind themselves to a set of man made rules then at least they are a legal adult!

4

Logical Illustration (for those who will listen!)

by lostinnj83 in

in my quest to try to reason with a few people close to me i thought of the perfect illustration as to why we should examine our beliefs against whats printed in the wt or on the jw website.. granted, because of the blinders they were on able to accept any part of what i was saying but to any "non-believer" that i have used this with has understood perfectly.

so it may be worth a shot to try it out.. .

if a person were looking to take a trip lets say to a specific resort.

lostinnj83

In my quest to try to reason with a few people close to me I thought of the perfect illustration as to why we should examine our beliefs against whats printed in the WT or on the JW Website.. Granted, because of the blinders they were on able to accept any part of what I was saying but to any "non-believer" that I have used this with has understood perfectly. So it may be worth a shot to try it out.

If a person were looking to take a trip lets say to a specific resort. If they went to that resorts direct website and ONLY that website then what would they find? Only wonderful things, the best reviews, pictures in the best lighting and the best angles, the best looking meals, the best rooms etc. BUT if a person were to go a website like TRIP ADVISOR, they would see a variety of reviews, some good, some bad, some indifferent but there would be a well rounded perspective provided.

That person booking there vacation could then make and INFORMED decision about where they would like to say. They may come to the conclusion that they still want to stay at this resort because the good outweighs the bad or they may decide against the resort but either way, they were given different perspectives so that a more informed decision could be made as opposed to just going to the resorts direct website.

Make sense??

20

Newbie Again (Kinda Sorta)

by lostinnj83 in

i made my first post (which i have attached) more than 2.5 years ago.. sad to say i am still in the same situation.

still "physically in" but have mentally been gone for years.

i am still in my marriage and unfortunatly things have not gotten any better as far as me being able to help him see the light as far as the organization.. i am at a serious crossroad though because i am almost 30 years old, with no children.

lostinnj83

Thank you everyone for your input!

Fortunatly I have never been the type to shun those in the "world". So I have friends that I see on a regular basis who care for me unconditionally. While I care for my husband and don't want to see him hurt, us being "unevenly yoked" as it were is only going to hurt him more in the long run.

I am also eductated although I only went to a two year school (of course under the "slaves" direction), I have a good job so I would be able to provide for myself on my own.

I have been in therapy for over a year near to try to sort this and other issues I have. I will say that it seems like the growing up as a JW is the MAIN reason for the issues I am currently in therapy for!!

And you're right, I can't go back to him or the religion on "those" terms. The honest truth though is that I have felt that my husband and I were not the best match for each other and that the reason why we have been together this long has been because of the "organization".

20

Newbie Again (Kinda Sorta)

by lostinnj83 in

i made my first post (which i have attached) more than 2.5 years ago.. sad to say i am still in the same situation.

still "physically in" but have mentally been gone for years.

i am still in my marriage and unfortunatly things have not gotten any better as far as me being able to help him see the light as far as the organization.. i am at a serious crossroad though because i am almost 30 years old, with no children.

lostinnj83

Hello Everyone:

I made my first post (which I have attached) more than 2.5 years ago.

Sad to say I am still in the SAME situation. Still "physically in" but have mentally been gone for YEARS. I am still in my marriage and unfortunatly things have not gotten any better as far as me being able to help him see the light as far as the organization.

I am at a serious crossroad though because I am almost 30 years old, with no children. I always wanted to be a mom and although I have been married for 7 years, have not been inclined to have a child with my husband. I think deep down because I knew that there was a possibility of us splitting up because of his beliefs. I don't think it would be fair to bring a child into a situation like this. Knowing what I know about the organization it wouldn't be fair to put a child through the pain of having one parent in and one parent out.

Our marriage has had MANY downs, not just the JW differences, however in recent months my husband has been trying to make an effort to make things better between us. I have been somewhat unresponsive, because I feel like we will eventually get back to this place of conflict because my doubts are not going any where. I haven't spoken to him about the doubts in years because I don't like the frame of mind it puts me or him in. So I have gone on in silence for so long.

I don't feel like we can be married anymore if I walk away from the org because I feel like any problem that would arise he would automatically blame it on my leaving "the truth". I also feel somewhat trapped because I can't tell him that the main reason I need to leave him is because of how I feel about the organization because that would send him into calling the elders on me AGAIN and possibly me dissociating myself.

Also I feel like a jerk for wanting to leave when he is really trying to make our relationship work...

UGH, I'm really sad and clueless as to how to proceed..

Any thought, encouragement, advice, insight would be much apprciated..

Anyhow here is my original post from 2010:

ello..I have been lurking for quite some time and am finally ready to make my first post!

I was raised a Witness and am still "active" in the congregation and am married to husband who is also and have been having some doubts for some time and voiced some of them to my husband a few months back and he IMMEDIATLY called the elders who provided a sheparding call. Doubts were mainly on the harshness of the disfellowshipping and the blood issue. The elders were definitely not harsh with me and were sincere in their efforts but my doubts didnt go away. I tried to become more zealous, studying more, doing more field service and encouraging my husband to conduct our family study but still the doubts.

I spoke to a friend who is Christian, and I've seen the positive changes that have been made in her life since she accepted Jesus as her lord and Savior, and something said well how can such a good person be destroyed simply because they were not a JW, she told me that God had revealed himself to her and she knew the right way to go. I told my husband that I sensed a sincere inner peace that my friend had...he told me no that could only be satanic. He was immediatly judgemental without even wanting to here more so for a while I limited what I talked to him about.

Recently despite my efforts to become a better JW I still have the doubts and no longer feel that this is "the truth". I told my mom that there were things I didnt agree with without getting into to much, and of course she told me to pray more, read the watchtower more and go the elders. My mom and dad are very active (my dad is an elder). I then started to receive phone calls from my dad talking about the Daily Text or the Watchtower. I told my mom that if she would be willing to sit and talk to me about some of the things that dont make sense that I would love to talk to her...she said the conversation would be very limited in what we would talk about. She was not willing to have any new ideas introduced or to look at anything outside of the watchtower literature...which to me is so one sided.

What I dont understand is that if your faith is strong, no matter what I could say to you or show you should shake it?

My husband is willing to discuss but is still blinded by the Watchtower, we spoke on the blood issue and I showed him clearly and intelligently that the Witnesses have missapplied the scriptures on blood and does not have anything to do with blood transfusions. This is a serious issue to me should we ever have children. If something happened and he refused to give our child a life saving blood transfusion because of some non sense explanation of the scriptures I could never forgive that and in my mind i would consider it murder. Any for any adult that willing dies because of blood refusal is the same as suicide to me. The point is that my husband actually did look at some "outside" websites on the blood issue and is still of JW belief even when I clearly pointed out contradictions in his own stand.

My dilemna is that I dont want to lose my marriage or my parents over this, not sure how I should proceed but I dont think I can take any more meetings or field service. More often than not I see on these websites the husband as the one who helps his wife see the real truth about the JW religion not as much in the reverse..so I'm not sure what do. If I officially disassociate myself my parents will shun me. If I stop going to meeting my husband will still go and life for me at home would most surely be miserable as active JW's do not respect other people's beliefs and opinions as seen by my numerous conversations with my husband and parents.

Any advice as to where to go from here would be appreciated. Thanks in advance.

49

SOME ENCOURAGEMENT FOR THE NEWBIES AND LURKERS

by palmtree67 in

jw
friends

a quote from "crisis of conscience".

don't be afraid to read it.. .

whatever the initial distress - a distress that sometimes follows the demenaing experience of being interogated by men who, in effect strip one of dignity, make the weight of their authority felt, and presume to judge adversely one's standing with god - however torn one may feel inside, afterward there is a distinct feeling of relief, of peace.

lostinnj83

I really appreciate this post. If this is the "truth" then there is nothing to fear by investigating.

30

Not Sure What To Do....HELP!!!!!

by lostinnj83 in

hello..i have been lurking for quite some time and am finally ready to make my first post!.

i was raised a witness and am still "active" in the congregation and am married to husband who is also and have been having some doubts for some time and voiced some of them to my husband a few months back and he immediatly called the elders who provided a sheparding call.

doubts were mainly on the harshness of the disfellowshipping and the blood issue.

lostinnj83

Hello again everyone!! Thanks so much for all the welcomes and kindness as well as the advice! YES, I'm from NJ...

I think I kinda got myself into a deeper hole last night, I was really down about everything that's been going on and the hubby inquired and I told him it makes me so sad to see that are being misled. Well after much tears he knows that this organization is no longer in my heart but he said that he "has to follow it until the end"...in fact my research on the blood issue has caused him to want to change his medical directive to accept NO FRACTIONS at all!! I'm beyond frightened for him.

I told him that I cant see how an organization can allow children that are not of legal age that can forever alter their lives if they should ever have a change of heart. I was 10 when I got baptized...the way I illustrated it was would you allow a 10 year old no matter how mature to drive or get married???? and of course the answer was no but still doesnt see how detrimental child baptism is.

My best friend who lives out of state is also aware that I no longer want to attend the meeting or go in service. We have been friends for 13 years and she went through about 4 years where she was inactive..and I still supported her and showed her unconditional love! But I know its not in her heart to support my decision.

But after reading all of the advice I realized that I had to do some damage control immediatly before my husband went and brought the elders on me...he basically said if these are the feelings I'm having I should just DA completly...I told him no....im just "confused", im not sure whats wrong or right anymore but I told him that is far is the blood issue goes I'm not confused at all, the JW policy is wrong. I also did some damage control with my friend, by texting her that im not "giving up just yet".

Soooo now I can start to slowly fade...getting the books recommended here is a must and if I still go the meetings once in a while he will still see that I'm trying and then maybe little by little I can casually mention things to him to at least cause him to question. It may never happen for him and eventually all of this might cost me my marriage but in the end if it does it will show me that the marriage just like many JW friendships are CONDITIONAL.

30

Not Sure What To Do....HELP!!!!!

by lostinnj83 in

hello..i have been lurking for quite some time and am finally ready to make my first post!.

i was raised a witness and am still "active" in the congregation and am married to husband who is also and have been having some doubts for some time and voiced some of them to my husband a few months back and he immediatly called the elders who provided a sheparding call.

doubts were mainly on the harshness of the disfellowshipping and the blood issue.

lostinnj83

Hello..I have been lurking for quite some time and am finally ready to make my first post!

I was raised a Witness and am still "active" in the congregation and am married to husband who is also and have been having some doubts for some time and voiced some of them to my husband a few months back and he IMMEDIATLY called the elders who provided a sheparding call. Doubts were mainly on the harshness of the disfellowshipping and the blood issue. The elders were definitely not harsh with me and were sincere in their efforts but my doubts didnt go away. I tried to become more zealous, studying more, doing more field service and encouraging my husband to conduct our family study but still the doubts.

I spoke to a friend who is Christian, and I've seen the positive changes that have been made in her life since she accepted Jesus as her lord and Savior, and something said well how can such a good person be destroyed simply because they were not a JW, she told me that God had revealed himself to her and she knew the right way to go. I told my husband that I sensed a sincere inner peace that my friend had...he told me no that could only be satanic. He was immediatly judgemental without even wanting to here more so for a while I limited what I talked to him about.

Recently despite my efforts to become a better JW I still have the doubts and no longer feel that this is "the truth". I told my mom that there were things I didnt agree with without getting into to much, and of course she told me to pray more, read the watchtower more and go the elders. My mom and dad are very active (my dad is an elder). I then started to receive phone calls from my dad talking about the Daily Text or the Watchtower. I told my mom that if she would be willing to sit and talk to me about some of the things that dont make sense that I would love to talk to her...she said the conversation would be very limited in what we would talk about. She was not willing to have any new ideas introduced or to look at anything outside of the watchtower literature...which to me is so one sided.

What I dont understand is that if your faith is strong, no matter what I could say to you or show you should shake it?

My husband is willing to discuss but is still blinded by the Watchtower, we spoke on the blood issue and I showed him clearly and intelligently that the Witnesses have missapplied the scriptures on blood and does not have anything to do with blood transfusions. This is a serious issue to me should we ever have children. If something happened and he refused to give our child a life saving blood transfusion because of some non sense explanation of the scriptures I could never forgive that and in my mind i would consider it murder. Any for any adult that willing dies because of blood refusal is the same as suicide to me. The point is that my husband actually did look at some "outside" websites on the blood issue and is still of JW belief even when I clearly pointed out contradictions in his own stand.

My dilemna is that I dont want to lose my marriage or my parents over this, not sure how I should proceed but I dont think I can take any more meetings or field service. More often than not I see on these websites the husband as the one who helps his wife see the real truth about the JW religion not as much in the reverse..so I'm not sure what do. If I officially disassociate myself my parents will shun me. If I stop going to meeting my husband will still go and life for me at home would most surely be miserable as active JW's do not respect other people's beliefs and opinions as seen by my numerous conversations with my husband and parents.

Any advice as to where to go from here would be appreciated. Thanks in advance.