Welcome pale.emperor! Your story was riveting.
Interesting your wife was DF'ed immediately after the short affair. Was the elder also DF'ed? As we've seen many times the DF arrangement can be misused to silence those who's situation will reflect poorly on the organizational arrangement. Your story makes it sound like your wife was intentionally misled whereby those who heard the DF announcement likely concluded that your wife was an unrepentant adulterer. The elders are certainly aware of this so do not rule out the possibility they did this intentionally. Perhaps they wanted to protect their name and the organization at the expense of your wife throughout her pregnancy. I'm very sorry for both of you.
Be sure to reach out for professional help via talk therapy or psychiatric medications if necessary. Protect your mental health and your family, that is what matters now.