You are far to young to tie your life up in knots. Your Jehovah doesn't need you. Sorry friend but even Jesus waited until he was 30 years old before committing to a pathway that ended in his death. You need to take a fresh look at your JW beliefs.
Every religion has a made up god which is a reflection of their culture and or traditions.
Jehovah, who really doesn't exist, is a Mass murderer according to The Old Testament. He is a made up pathetic god who hated the world so much....... He/She/It decided to drown that world and everything in it. Every man, women, child and the un born children died if you believe the account of the great Flood. Thankfully it was all made up B.S.
Sorry dude you have been led down a false garden path and into a false belief.
The WTBTS invented their religion and worship and invented a made up god.....Jehovah.
Jehovah is not gods name. Every culture made up their religion. Made up the name of their god and fit their god into their culture not the other way around.
Your backing into a lie and you need to step away and realize what it is.
Based on your point of view you have been had....... by a false religion.
Get a real education not this phony baloney made up crap.