Posts by Kenneson

27

This is my last post

by rhett in

jw
friends

some people like having a large number of posts credited to them.

myself, i think it just goes to show that various people have way too much free time on their hands.

i thought that this is my 666th post i will now officially retire my username and start with a clean slate.

Kenneson

Rhett:
This is probably a good move on your part. By all means,
avoid any association with the "mark of the beast." (Rev. 13:18)

Bible Bloopers

by Kenneson in

this is my first time to post in this topic.

a repeat, please bear with me.. question and answer.

these student bloopers are all genuine, authentic, and unretouched.

Kenneson

This is my first time to post in this topic. So, if this is
a repeat, please bear with me.

QUESTION AND ANSWER
These student bloopers are all genuine, authentic, and unretouched. (None, of course, was written by your children--or any youngster in your school district.)
By Richard Lederer
It is truly astonishing what happens to Bible stories when they are retold by young scholars around the world.

In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, God tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off. Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark. Noah built an ark, which the animals came on to in pears. Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.
The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with the unsympathetic Genitals. Samson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezabel like Delilah. Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the apostles
Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleaved bread, which is bread made without any ingredients. The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterward, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Amendments. The First Commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple. The Fifth Commandment is humor they father and mother. The Seventh Commandment is thou shalt not admit
adultery.
Moses died before he ever reached Canada. Then, Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol. The greatest miracle in the Bible is when joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.
David was a Hebrew king silled at playing the liar. He fought with the Finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times.
Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.
When Mary heard that she was the Mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta. When the three wise guys from the East Side arrive, they found Jesus in a manager. Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption. St. John, the Blacksmith, dumped water on his head.
Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before they do one to you. He also explained, "Man doth not live by sweat alone." It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tomb stone off the entrance.
The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibels. The epistles were the wives of the apostles. One of the opposums was St. Matthew, who was by profession a taximan.
St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage. A Christian should have only one wife. This is called monotony.

32

Jesus was a False Prophet

by JosephAlward in

as he sat upon mount of olives, jesus was telling his disciples about the end of the world and what they could expect just before that apocalyptic event.

they asked him, .

"when shall these things be?

Kenneson

Joseph writes: "They need to be made to understand that the Scriptures were not 'God breathed,' and that Bible writers' view of God was their own personal view, not a God-given one."

Have you ever read "Rescuing the Bible From Fundamentalism" by
John Shelby Spong. He points to the same errors, contradictions, etc. that you do, but still believes in the underlying message of
the Bible. He believes you have to get beyond the words of men
to really understand it. Don't take every word literally.

There are numerous sites on the internet dealing with Bible contradictions as well as those answering Bible contradictions.

It seems that every issue has its pros and cons.

17

Stop counting time

by Elsewhere in

jw
friends

most jws are guilted/coerced into going into the ministry by the time requirements.

i can't help but wonder how much time the average jw would spend in the ministry work if the time requirements were dropped.. i know that the only reason i went into field service was because i didnt want the elders coming and counseling me... that was until i figured out how to use theocratic warfare on my time sheet.

any thoughts on this?.

Kenneson

The following I learned from some pioneers back in the 60s.
They would make a back call in town to start their time, then
drive out into the country (approximately twenty minutes away) and
begin door to door work. Finishing there they would drive back to town and make a final call
here to conclude. So driving time was counted as well as going
from door to door. Anyone else do this?

32

Jesus was a False Prophet

by JosephAlward in

as he sat upon mount of olives, jesus was telling his disciples about the end of the world and what they could expect just before that apocalyptic event.

they asked him, .

"when shall these things be?

Kenneson

Joseph wrote: But what sensible man would think that Jesus
would interrupt an event {transfiguration] which is one of the
most important since the dawn of time to do something as mundane
as telling Peter who those men were? Couldn't he have done it
later?

Perhaps Jesus did. Who is to say? The writer of Matthew doesn't tell us
when he found out this info about the transfiguration nor his source. Surely you are not saying the writer of Matthew was an
eyewitness to the event?

9

Just got back from China

by Perry in

jw
friends

i decided to say hello to all my fellow posters after a week of absence.

nothing insightful to say other than my trip to hong kong was a blast.

i hooked up with about 7 or 8 aussies and we did up hong kong right.

Kenneson

Perry,
Welcome back from China. Did you get to see the Great Wall?
That would be one of the sights I would like to take in.

Einstein also said: "I cannot believe that God plays dice with
the cosmos."

17

JW MURDERED AFTER MEETING

by Mister Biggs in

the new york daily news ( http://www.nydailynews.com/2002-04-11/news_and_views/crime_file/a-147249.asp) and the new york post ( http://www.nypost.com/news/regionalnews/14181.htm) ran different articles on the same story.. .

grieving niece:.

natala prince yesterday cradles .

Kenneson

Surely the G.B. must be aware that bad things happen to good
people. Consider the Biblical Job and Jesus.

2

Donee organizations:(many kh's listed here)

by sf in

jw
friends

< http://www.ird.govt.nz/otherservices/donee/w.html.

from "w" page:.

warren youth trust.

Kenneson

I clicked on the Introduction to the Donee organizations and
found this sentence: "When a person makes a donation to an organization listed here, generally they can claim a rebate for that donation."

I wonder if this is equivalent to our American charitable deductions
on our income taxes?

132

Can any Witness possibly anwser this question?

by jerome in

hello all... i came across this line of questioning many months on the inet so i decided that i would submit just this once to peer pressure and make a usefull contribution to the board.. here is the question... is jesus just "a god?".

many of the regular inet surfers would have come across this line of questioning before so if you have you could just sit back and relax and read the replys.. <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>.

me: so is he a 'lesser true god' or a 'lesser false god?'.

Kenneson

Correction. That should read the Trinitarians 1x1x1.

132

Can any Witness possibly anwser this question?

by jerome in

hello all... i came across this line of questioning many months on the inet so i decided that i would submit just this once to peer pressure and make a usefull contribution to the board.. here is the question... is jesus just "a god?".

many of the regular inet surfers would have come across this line of questioning before so if you have you could just sit back and relax and read the replys.. <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>.

me: so is he a 'lesser true god' or a 'lesser false god?'.

Kenneson

The anti-Trinitarians point to 1+1+1 and the Trinitarians to 1+1+1.
What's the point? Is God an equation that mathematics
can solve?