I stopped going earlier this year so I understand the rescue attempts. It was tempting to just attend the odd meeting to keep them off my back but its never enough. It always do more do more do more. After I made the decision to stop attending meetings all together I was under intense pressure from my family and friends. I knew that even attending one meeting would reset the clock and give them all sorts of false hope. I learned that when I attended the memorial and the nagging intensified x2. Lesson learned. The more they pressure me the less contact I have with them. Sometimes I have to ask myself if my family is worth the trouble. My husband is so I keep the fade going.
atacrossroads
JoinedPosts by atacrossroads
-
23
They're coming to get me! =)
by Mrs. Eden inhello friends.
my fleshy sister is seriously getting to my nerves.
she's my only (and younger) sister, and as you know, is married to an uber-circuit overseer.
-
-
-
32
How many of you left the Org since 2015?
by Paul Bonanno ini have noticed that many lately have left the org or are in the process of leaving.
how many of you have left since 2015?.
this month will be my 21 years out of the org into the road of freedom.
-
-
atacrossroads
I stopped attending meetings in January 2015 with the exception of the memorial. That will not happen in 2016. I've told my husband and parents I am not returning. -
32
My parents sent the elders after me
by atacrossroads ini stopped regulary attending meetings and going in field service in january.
the elders have left me alone for the most part i think because of my jw husband.
last week my parents came over and told me i needed to come back to meetings.
-
-
atacrossroads
I checked my facebook and I have a dozen messages from concerned friends and family telling me to come back to meetings. I shut it down. That will be one less avenue they will have to contact me even though I am hardly ever on fb. -
32
My parents sent the elders after me
by atacrossroads ini stopped regulary attending meetings and going in field service in january.
the elders have left me alone for the most part i think because of my jw husband.
last week my parents came over and told me i needed to come back to meetings.
-
-
atacrossroads
That is the plan. -
32
My parents sent the elders after me
by atacrossroads ini stopped regulary attending meetings and going in field service in january.
the elders have left me alone for the most part i think because of my jw husband.
last week my parents came over and told me i needed to come back to meetings.
-
-
atacrossroads
They really believe if I went back to KH and FS that would be the answer. I don't expect them to understand but the way they acted was uncalled for. They are usually so loving and I consider myself lucky to have them as parents which makes this all the more painful. My cousin warned me it would happen. He said one wiff of apostacy they can turn into a pack of rabid dogs, I have not even told them my reasons for leaving. If my own parents act like that now I will be shunned for sure if I am df'd. -
32
My parents sent the elders after me
by atacrossroads ini stopped regulary attending meetings and going in field service in january.
the elders have left me alone for the most part i think because of my jw husband.
last week my parents came over and told me i needed to come back to meetings.
-
-
atacrossroads
I stopped regulary attending meetings and going in field service in January. The elders have left me alone for the most part I think because of my JW husband. Last week my parents came over and told me I needed to come back to meetings. They asked me to give it 6 months and totally devote myself to Jehovah and his organization. They said this limbo I was living was hurting to many people and I was hurting my relationship with Jehovah most of all. I asked them what would happen in 6 months and I no longer wanted to attend meetings or go in field service. They said we could cross that bridge when we got to it. I told them all they were doing was trying to delay the inevitable. I decided to put them out of their limbo and told them I was out for good and I was not going back.
They did not take that well at all. In fact they became very angry. I did not recognize them they were so mad. I was accused of being selfish and they wanted to know what happened and what had I been filling my head with. I was being a bad wife that my behavior caused my husband to resign as a MS. They went off about my cousin falling into apostacy and asked me if I was an apostate. They were asking question after question. It was very tense but I told them I did not want to discuss my beliefs at this time.
My mom grabbed me by the hand like I was a kid and tried to pull me to my bedroom and she was like put your meeting clothes on we are going to KH. I asked her and my dad to leave and they refused. They were determined that I was going to the meeting with them that evening. My husband told them to leave and their hysterics was making things worse. He literally pushed them out the door and walked them to their car.
He came back inside and he was very upset and he said he never though he would see the day when he would have to make my parents leave the house. He said he thought they would encourage me and not go off on me. He told me that he does not know what to do with our current situation. He said if I was having an affair or a drug addiction he would know what to do. That night was crazy but my husband did something he does not do and he skipped the meeting. We went to dinner and saw a movie. I am not going to read anything into that. I honestly think he just did not want to deal with my parents. So I figured that was the end of it. My parents would give me the silent treatment for a while and would come around later. Not so much.
A few days later I get a knock at the door and 2 elders were there. I have known them for years and they were very sad. They said my parents had told them I made the decision to permanently stop attending meetings. They asked if there was anything they could do to enourage me. I told them no and I thanked them for stopping by but there was nothing I wished to discuss with them. The elder I had known the longest said I was being very guarded and wondered why that was. I acted like I did not know what he was talking about. He asked me if I read or had association with anyone that would make me want to stop being a witness. Again I acted like I did not know what he was talking about. He got very frustrated with me and he asked do you believe the faithful and discreet slave is directed by Jehovah and I cut him right off and acted all offended. I told them I had nothing to say and shut the door in their face.
I was so relieved it was my parents and not my husband they sent the elders after me. They have nothing on me. They are right I am very guarded on what I have said openly. I think I have said enough to my husband that could get me summoned to a JC but he has not said anything. I know I have not heard the last from them. The elders showed up when they knew my husband was gone. In witness world isn't he my head and should he not have been there when they spoke to me? He said they never mentioned anything to him about stopping by. Of course not. They wanted to surprise me.
That started a whole other conversation from my husband about how I would probably get disfellowshipped eventually because I associate with apostates. I am trying so hard to prevent that. I understand now why people DA themselves so they don't have to deal with elders and relatives at their door when you least expect it. I am not going to do that and I will not meet with any elders. My marriage for now seems more stable than it has been in a long time but now I have my parents and the elders after me.
-
51
Leaving the org and marriage possibly ending
by atacrossroads ini was raised a witness, baptized at 16, vacation pioneered, got married, etc.
i was very much your typical witness and believed it was the truth until last summer.
a very close relative of mine left the witnesses.
-
-
atacrossroads
Hi everyone. Thank you for all your kind responses and it really gave me a lot to think about. I don't think its a good idea to discuss the reasons I left the witnesses with my husband at this point. He is so guarded right now that any negative thing mentioned will make it worse. Regarding the holidays I was really looking forward to celebrating them. I was planning to be discreet and not bring it into the house. I was actually going to help my cousin decorate his house. lol I must confess I have already started shopping for Christmas presents. Even as a witness I loved Christmas lights. I did not enjoy going in field service on holidays.
I asked my husband if he wanted to take a vactation in December when I am done with the fall semester and I can take some vacation time off work. When we took trips in the past we always attended the kingdom hall and even went in field service. Looking back I think what a complete waste of vacation time. I told him if we wanted to get a good deal we should book soon. He said he knew this vacation would be different from our other trips since I am "on a break" from witness activities. He asked me if I wanted to go to Russia. That comment kind of stung that he thinks I am so anti witness. I just don't want to be one anymore. He told me to give him the dates and he would get the time off from work and I could pick the vacation spot. That's a good sign I guess that he will still take vacations with his apostate wife. I am going to take the advice of doing fun things like recreation. I am not into his hobbies at all but I guess I can start there. Again thanks for all your responses everyone!
-
51
Leaving the org and marriage possibly ending
by atacrossroads ini was raised a witness, baptized at 16, vacation pioneered, got married, etc.
i was very much your typical witness and believed it was the truth until last summer.
a very close relative of mine left the witnesses.
-
-
atacrossroads
Iown,
I am very careful not to speak negatively about the witnesses beliefs to him and support him in still wanting to be a witness. I can live with him being a witness. I don't know if he can handle me celebrating holidays and openly hanging out with apostates.
-
51
Leaving the org and marriage possibly ending
by atacrossroads ini was raised a witness, baptized at 16, vacation pioneered, got married, etc.
i was very much your typical witness and believed it was the truth until last summer.
a very close relative of mine left the witnesses.
-
-
atacrossroads
No children thank goodness. I am trying to make friends outside the organization so I socialize with them after work. -
51
Leaving the org and marriage possibly ending
by atacrossroads ini was raised a witness, baptized at 16, vacation pioneered, got married, etc.
i was very much your typical witness and believed it was the truth until last summer.
a very close relative of mine left the witnesses.
-
-
atacrossroads
I was raised a witness, baptized at 16, vacation pioneered, got married, etc. I was very much your typical witness and believed it was the truth until last summer. A very close relative of mine left the witnesses. He tried to go quietly but the elders would not let him fade and he was disfellowshipped for apostacy. This devastated me beyond words and I was even a good witness for a few months and shunned him. I missed him so much I used any excuse possible to contact him under the guise of necessary family business. We never discussed religion but I was dying to know what he found out about the witnesses that would cause him to blow up his life and not look back. I was afraid to ask him but I went on the internet and started researching myself. There was so many articles about false dates and child abuse. I read some of the articles and was shocked by what I read. Then I closed my mind again and signed up to auxilary pioneer. I decided right then and there was not going to get sucked into apostacy like my cousin and told him I was disobeying Jehovah by having contact with him. I was good for a few months but I could not forget what I read.
I went back on the internet AGAIN and started researching. It took me another 3 months to accept the fact that I could not be in a religion blessed by God. I stopped going in field service and reduced my meeting attendance. My husband was worried sick about me and why I was getting "spiritually sick". I kept all this from him and he did not have a clue about the research I was doing. I told no one not even my cousin until I decided I could no longer go in field service and spead lies. My cousin strongly advised me if I wanted to fade that I should not share my new found beliefs with the family. He told me to go back to college and go full time at my job and be considered weak and not to get disfellowshipped. That is easier said than done.
I took his advice and went back to school in January and I told my husband I wanted to finish my Bachelors and I was going to step back from going out in field service and would not be able to attend meetings on the nights I had classes. He did not accept this explanation at all and looked at me like I grew two heads. He blamed himself for a lot of this and said he was a neglectful husband and was going to resign as a ministerial servant so he could spend more time with me. This made me feel extremely guilty and I told him not to resign. He was suspicious and asked me how much contact I've had with my cousin. I told him I did not discuss religion with my cousin.
He called my parents and they had this intervention and I told them to back off. I had to figure things out. He would not let it drop and I finally told him I did not want to be an active witness anymore. He cried and this man does not cry. I told him I learned lots of damning info about the organization and if I spoke openly I would be disfellowshipped. After I told him that he backed away from me big time. He did not hastle me about going to meetings or in field service. I was expecting to be summoned to a JC but I was not. He ignored me for a couple of weeks and then he finally started speaking to me again and he said he did not sign up to be married to an apostate and asked me how far gone I was and that I better be honest with him and stop lying. I told him I could not go back even if it meant he ended our marriage.
He wanted me to speak to an elder who was an "expert" at dealing with witnesses who allow themselves to be taken in by apostates and would talk to me about any concerns I had. He was mad at me by this point. I told him not be be naive about this so called "expert" would get me disfellowshipped. He told me my cousin had coached me well. So my husband goes back to ignoring me and I still was not summoned to any elder meetings.
When I went back to college I was way more open to experience new things than I had been when I was a good witness. My cousin advised me to make friends and for my mental health I needed to build a strong support system outside the witnesses. By new experiences it could be something as simple as having coffee with a worldly person in between classes. I started having drinks with my coworkers after work. I did everything possible to avoid going home to my husbands disapproving looks. While all this is happening I am getting lots of concerned messages from my friends and family. it was very hard for my to enjoy building this new life because of the dark cloud still hanging over my marriage and I felt so guilty for letting him down. He's a really good man and has been a really good husband. He has treated me very well and I love him dearly and I was tempted to stay in for his sake but as you know that bell cannot be unrung. Once you know the truth about the truth there is no going back.
I am living in limbo. My husband and I are spending time together again and he does not nag me about going in field service or to meetings. I attended the memorial but that is it. I skipped out on the convention and hubby said nothing to me. I don't know how long this can go on and I am very surprised the elders have left me alone. They went after my cousin with a vengence. I asked him if he was going to divorce me and he said no. I think its just a matter of time before the elders come after me. I plan to celebrate the holidays this year and I no longer hide the contact I have with my cousin. Sorry for all this rambling. Has anyone here been able to sucessfully fade and keep your marriage intact with an active JW? Are both of you happy?